Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Not interested in sex. At all. Am I normal, depressed, or in need of help?!

(89 Posts)
rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 14:32:11

3 kids, always tired, DH is brilliant but I feel bad for him. How often / infrequently should we DTD? I've always thought that No means No, but maybe I'm being selfish?

butterfly86 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:35:13

No advice but I'm exactly the same, one dd always shattered and poor dh has to go without. I have zero interest, it's nothing to do with dh I just can't bothered, that sounds really bad doesn't it!

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Mon 18-Jan-16 14:47:48

It's not for us to say how frequently you should be having sex.

You need to speak to your DH, and be honest with each other about whether you're both happy with how things are - frequent and quality - at the moment.

PurpleWithRed Mon 18-Jan-16 14:55:13

When you dtd do you enjoy it? I find it's worth remembering how enjoyable it is, and committing to myself to go for it. Then the more I get the more I remember how nice it is and the more I remember to do it.

But to be honest if DH disappeared into space for 6 months I wouldn't miss it.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 15:08:00

Thanks for answering.
butterfly Yes, exactly that. I have no interest in anyone else (I.e. on TV) either, it's not just DH!
purple Sometimes it's great, usually it's average. Often I'm resentful afterwards of the time taken that I could have been sleeping blush
DrGoogle DH would LOVE more sex! I think he's hoping this is just a phase....

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:12:32

You need to agree on a level your both happy with.
he needs to be making sure it is MUCH better than average

If you cant find a way through it, it will lead to resentment

Gobbolino6 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:30:27

I know how you feel. I could quite happily never have sex again. It's not DH, as you say, I'm just not bothered. It's problematic.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 15:43:14

Dad that is my fear! I'm mildly resentful of his approaches, although obviously pleased he finds me desirable still.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 15:46:13

I am however reassured that it's not just me! Has anyone gone through this and made it out the other side to a happy compromise?

I was much more interested during pregnancy, but our family is definitely complete now! grin

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:48:51

you have to talk this through

and find a way forward

the closeness that comes from feeling wanted / desirable is part of what bonds you to your partner

TheNaze73 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:51:09

Its a tough one. Couples that play together, stay together

peggyundercrackers Mon 18-Jan-16 15:54:45

dadneedshelp72 enjoyable sex is the responsibility of both people involved in the deed.

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 15:54:45

exactly Naze

GummyBunting Mon 18-Jan-16 15:58:18

I could have written your posts. I have zero interest in sex with anyone, it just doesn't interest me.
When I have sex with DP I neither enjoy it nor dislike it. It just... happens.

And it's not a reflection on DP, I love him to bits and find him very attractive. I think it's chemical, or something?

StuffandBother Mon 18-Jan-16 15:59:15

Oh god, I need this thread too ... I have absolutely zero interest, poor dp, I wish I could but I can't even bring myself to just 'power through' and I feel awful, is there any type of counsellors who can help?? I adore DP and the thought of life without him horrifies me ... I just can't bring myself to do any of all that shagging malarkey sadconfused

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 15:59:21

I don't really know what to say to him? He knows I'm never in the mood / always tired. I don't want him to feel undesirable.

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Mon 18-Jan-16 15:59:27

I'm the same! I hope it doesn't last.

AnnoyedByAlfieBear Mon 18-Jan-16 16:00:24

DH tells me he feels undesired and I feel awful about it. sad

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 16:01:33

gummy just...happens grin

I don't find him (or anyone else) attractive though. There's the rub.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 16:02:17

Physically attractive, I should say - I adore him in every other way!

StringTheory Mon 18-Jan-16 16:02:56

Another one in the same boat here i'm afraid. So no advice, but just to reassure you're not alone.

david8341 Mon 18-Jan-16 16:03:40

There's your problem. You don't want him to feel undesired but you don't desire him. Let the guy go.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 16:05:28

Oh no Annoyed! Is there any way you can 'power through' as a pp put it, without him suspecting?

Welcome to the libido-free club, string stuff and gummy.

rewardformissingmojo Mon 18-Jan-16 16:06:29

David noooooo!
I used to, hopefully will again. Just need to get out of this rut, excuse the pun.

dadneedshelp72 Mon 18-Jan-16 16:16:11

If you cant fix this between you your relationship is doomed.

eventually one of you will want more "physically" than they are getting, and yes that could equally be YOU in the future not just him

You need to have a serious talk and work it out

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now