Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Remind me I did the right thing

(5 Posts)
tightywhities Mon 18-Jan-16 14:06:25

I've been single for a few years, never seem to meet a man that ticks all my boxes but am generally content with life. A couple of years ago a married work colleague (no DCs) who I have a lot in common with, think is quite cute, and have socialised with a lot outside work in a group, started to be more friendly towards me.

At first I thought he was just being matey, I work in a male dominated industry and have lots of bloke friends, but after a while I got the feeling he was testing me out as a potential OW as he made no secret of how 'bumpy' his marriage was. He never made a move on me and it was just a feeling i had so I backed away from the friendship because I felt a line was close to being crossed (possible EA coming up).

Move on 18 months and I watch him do the same to another colleague who recently transferred from another location. She didn't back off and now he is leaving his wife for her. It seems that his marriage was failing but he didn't have the guts to go until he had someone else lined up. A small part of me is now thinking well if he was unhappily married and just waiting for someone else to come along then maybe I shouldn't have backed off!

Good people of MN, please remind me that the way to find a new potential partner is not to move in on him whilst he is still married to someone else and that a guy who doesn't have the guts to leave his wife until he has found a new partner is a guy who is not worth having.

Bogeyface Mon 18-Jan-16 14:09:04

You said it yourself, if he needs the next one lined up before he will take the plunge then he isnt worth having. And frankly, you would spend the rest of your time with him wondering if he was going to do the same to you.

Yes you did the right thing, a fact that will become crystal clear when he dumps your colleague for the next one.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Mon 18-Jan-16 14:17:08

You completely did the right thing.

Your new colleague may be 'The One' or she may be his parachute out of the marriage whom he discards as soon as he's on his feet again. Either way, this man looks to be able to switch his affections on and off pretty quickly. I don't think being the partner of a man like that would be very enjoyable.

MoominPie22 Mon 18-Jan-16 14:31:08

You definately did the right thing.smile He sounds like friend material more than partner material to me. No offence at all but if he then moved on to your colleague after getting nowhere with you, he gives the impression of not being too fussy and just hedging is bets. Possibly you weren´t even the first woman he tried on his charm with? I would hazard a guess it wasn´t anything personal with your colleague. He sounds like one of those people that can´t be single and just jumps from one relationship to the next OR she could be his Rebound Bird.

I think some women have higher standards than others and some succumb to flattery more easily too. You kept your dignity so respect to you for that!

Besides, is it wise to mix business with pleasure anyway? Then have the whole office knowing your private life when it all goes tits up?

Wristy Mon 18-Jan-16 16:21:51

Oh god you soooo did the right thing. What a prize!!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now