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Co-dependency, dysfunction and hell... Please please please not in front of me.....

(13 Posts)
EasyToEatTiger Mon 18-Jan-16 12:50:13

My brother has been a stupid idiot, behaved stupidly. The only good thing that didn't happen is that nobody died. I took my brother to his gp and keep well out of the way. My dad has written to me 'reminding' me of something that never happened. I have been advised to write to my dad and tell him what did actually happen and to tell him to stop telling people what didn't happen. It's all completely mad and completely nonsensical. If I try to explain, I end up looking like a nutty part of this hellish entourage. And hell it is. Is there anyone out there to hold my hand while I escape from this awful web? I had to see my mum and wore the best emotional armour I could muster. I did not anticipate being lied about and bullied by my closest family. It is not safe to see them. I don't know whether to grieve, or cry or celebrate, or to be furious with them. I just don't know. I feel very calm at the moment. It's not very nice. There is no question that the behaviours I have experienced are abusive.

mum2mum99 Mon 18-Jan-16 12:53:51

What Happened exactly?

Throwingshade Mon 18-Jan-16 13:15:17

Can you explain more?

How old are you?

Sorry you are in such a bad place.

mum2mum99 Mon 18-Jan-16 13:27:35

Did your brother attack someone?

EasyToEatTiger Mon 18-Jan-16 13:38:40

He saw his ex wife and they had a fight. The whole thing is wrong on so many levels. They have children together who are shadows, fit for nothing other than the bin or prison if they get that far. I find my brother frightening and do not like to be alone in his presence. Luckily this rarely happens. I come from a horribly dysfunctional family, and it has taken a huge amount of work to understand that actuallly it's not my fault or my life. I keep my distance because otherwise it's too dangerous. My brother is going to have to hit the bottom probably sooner rather than later or I fear he will die of trying. As I said, it's not my life. They try to drag me into it and it's very frightening. I'm middle aged and have worked to create a distance. My mum has told me to keep away. It is all very very co-dependent on a very very screwed up level. Not something anyone could escape from unscathed.

mum2mum99 Mon 18-Jan-16 13:43:31

I am not sure what your question is. But it sounds like our family is extremely toxic. You would clearly benefit from going NC with all of rhem. Have you read 'toxic parents'?

Clutterbugsmum Mon 18-Jan-16 14:12:27

Look for the stately homes thread in relationships on here it's for people who have similar bad family upbringings they have lots of ways of help and support.

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer Mon 18-Jan-16 15:33:06

<holds her hand>

it sounds a living nightmare. You can only do the best you can do, planning out the path between the obstacles.

Try as best you can to remain a little detached. It's very hard.

It seems a good idea to me to write down your side of the story and post it, but don't expect it to achieve anything with them. But it might make you feel better.

Have you got anyone you can talk to about this?

Also, while it's still going on right now, make sure you eat regularly and healthily, if you can do a bit of exercise and if you can, sleep. Not the most exiting of advice, but when the shit hits the fan your body goes into overdrive and it depletes you slowly. Looking after your own needs is much more vital than people realise.

EasyToEatTiger Mon 18-Jan-16 15:43:08

Thank you all! I know there is bugger all I can do about them. My shining armour wore a little thin. My dad spits blades and I don't think he realises how hurtful it is. Co-dependency is grim. I get as much support as I can, and I have a small light to shine in dark places so it's not all so bad. It's not nice feeling drawn into the web. AAAaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer Mon 18-Jan-16 18:08:32

Use one of those blades to cut away the web strands.

Kind of a joke, kind of not. What is to stop you from stepping further back?

Your nieces and nephews are in a dreadful situation but you personally cannot really help. It sounds very much like your brother would drag you down. The best you can do is try to keep contact with his children by email, when they are old enough.

EasyToEatTiger Mon 18-Jan-16 18:25:48

Sadly I have no contact with my nephew or niece. My brother is bonkers and his ex wife is extremely toxic and dangerous. I avoid these family members like the plague. They are luckily not local to me. My mum is on the way out and I want to see her.

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer Mon 18-Jan-16 18:36:24

difficult situation yeah. I guess it's a matter of holding on for now.

EasyToEatTiger Mon 18-Jan-16 23:34:18

Thank you for hand holding. I'm at home now and I feel safe. I have support for my own family which is professional and good. I have those blades in spades! The web can be sticky though!

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