Irritating the hell out of each other

[BrandyRussler]

I'm not sure what I want from starting this thread... maybe to hear that other people experience the same (not that I'd wish it on people).

DP and I have been together 14 years and have 3 kids. We still love each other. No major problems beyond what I think is normal.

But we just annoy each other so much these days. I can't stand the sound of him eating and can barely contain my disgust when he sniffs. He gets shirty about the fact I sing all the time. We're both extremely busy with full time work and childcare, and less affectionate than we used to be.

Does this mean our relationship's in trouble? How can we turn it round?

[BrandyRussler]

Sorry for the relatively trivial nature of this, by the way. I've NCed out of shame for posting this when other people are experiencing so much worse on these boards.

[mum2mum99]

It seems you are looking through the body morphing glass and you have picked the unflattering one!
I find that holding hands, cuddling makes me feel more tolerant towards DP. Doing something that we both enjoy seem to have this effect too.

[maybebabybee]

Doesn't sound hugely abnormal....I can't stand the sound of DP blowing his nose every 10 minutes, I'd rather have the sniffing :) But I'm not a very tolerant person and I know it, so I sit on it because nose blowing aside, he is great and I love him.

Depends on whether the irritating habits are clouding everything else - are they?

[BrandyRussler]

Thanks for your replies.

I suppose I am a bit concerned that it's clouding everything else, but don't really know how to stop it. How can you switch off your visceral responses to something?

The holding hands, etc., idea sounds a good one, mum2mum. Perhaps not being affectionate enough allows the irritation to predominate.

[dadneedshelp72]

As someone who is currently separated and hating it, i'd advise talking to your partner and finding a way forward.

It sounds like you still have a lot of positives in your relationship , that's something you can build on.

Holding hands is deffo a good thing and the feeling of closeness makes other things seem more insignificant

[madamlala]

I don't think it's at all abnormal.
Can you think of many people you could spend that much time with and not want to punch them?
When DH really gets on my nerves (turning off lights, explaining things to me 4 times to make sure I fully understand, finding the negative angle on all things and being generally bossy etc etc) I tell myself that it's the rough with the smooth. Yes he's annoying but he's also a great Dad, devoted family man, doesn't gamble our money, funny etc etc Sometimes it helps with the perspective.
But sometimes I make a face at him when he can't see. This helps too!

[dadneedshelp72]

lol Madamlala

I wish id done more of that

[BrandyRussler]

dadneeds, thank you for your reply. I'm sorry you're going through a separation and having such a hard time.
You're right about closeness potentially making other things seem insignificant. The problem is that during the week it often feels more like we're doing a job share (and trying not to rip each other to shreds) than being in a close relationship.

madam, it's a relief to read your post. I do the face thing too. Rude gestures too. Am I 35 or 15?

[Catpants123]

I started a thread on here a couple of years ago about my then partner, something like, is it normal to be so irritated by your partner? (Can't find it now) so know exactly how you feel. Most people said no btw.

I just found his presence really irritating, the way he was always there, it felt like he was following me around the house even when I was getting ready. I hated it.

The hand holding would not have helped in my case as I got to the stage where I didn't like his hands .

It could be the beginning of the end but as you have dc I think you should ride it out and see if it gets better over the next six months or so and review then. You have to grin and bear it and try not to snap and show your irritation.

[dadneedshelp72]

try and arrange some time when you go to the cinema or watch a dvd or go for a meal without the kids

You need to re discover yourselves as a couple not just as parents