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Relationships

Does fiance appear to be rude with way he said things?

169 replies

lijana · 18/01/2016 00:26

My fiance mentioned that the mousetrap we had was not working as food was being placed on the mousetrap and being taken by the mouse without the trap doing a thing.

My dad (whose english is not the best but can conversationally speak) whom we live with mentioned that he will go to the hardware store immediately to get some mousetraps. My mum asked my fiance to go with my dad. Then my fiance said in a blunt tone 'do we need two people to go?'
My mum insisted that they both go, so my dad walks out the front door with my fiance. My fiance then says he can go by himself when they are outside the house.
My dad then gives him $20 to buy the trap which he declines at first but my dad insists he take it.

My fiance buys 4 mouse traps, we set it up with food and in the morning the food is gone and none of them worked.

My dad in the morning, says to me in a hurt way, that he felt it strange that my fiance insisted on going himself. He felt the way my fiance said 'do we need two people to go?' was rude and felt that my fiance was avoiding going with him for some reason or found my dad annoying. He thinks that my fiance could have said things differently, e.g. say it in the following way 'its easier for me to go alone on the motorbike, or you don't have to waste your time to go I can go and as I know what to look for you can save your time.' One of the reasons my mum asked my dad to go with my fiance was because my dad's english is not good and she thinks two ppl can make better decision than one person.
My fiance is the type of person who does not like teamwork (he has said this specifically to me). He prefers to do things on his own without the help or aid of others unless he really really has to. Once he had a problem with his train card and he was trying to figure out himself for a while when I told him he could just call the call centre they set up for the card to ask them to solve his problem. His reaction was he wanted to solve himself as much as possible first before he calls up, he eventually however had to call them.

I too find it uncomfortable that my fiance said this in this way 'do we need two people to go'??. Regardless of my dad's feelings, if I was the one going with him to the store, I too would feel it is a rude comment. If he had said things in another more polite manner, I may have felt differently.

The above appears to be a small issue, however when certain tones of voice are used which are questioning and sounding annoyed, people's feelings get hurt or they start to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

My question is, what should I do specifically in this situation? I have talked to my dad and told him about my fiance's manner that it was not meant to deliberately hurt him and that he is the type of person who likes to do things himself. My dad feels there is something wrong there in this aspect with him.. from my opinion, although I try to empathise with my fiance as much as possible, I also feel this is an element of his personality that ultimately distances himself from others and also could affect his relations in job, friendwise and other fields not just with me.

I feel like I need to either tell him in person, who ask him through text during the day when we are not together the following question : 'What is the rationale behind why you wanted to go to the hardware store alone?'
Do you think this is a reasonable question to ask or am I being too nit picky in this instance and should just leave it alone and not 'stir the pot'?

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Blu · 18/01/2016 00:50

Get some poison.
For the mice .