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Is it possible for someone to stop loving you because of your hair style?

(30 Posts)
Simpering Sun 17-Jan-16 11:34:07

Just that. I recently had my hair done. No different to how it used to be when me and DH met, right up to having DC. Just felt I had lost my style and decided to cover my greys and change the style back to how it used to be.

Since then, DH has been less affectionate. He doesn't seem to want to touch me and seems suddenly indifferent. Has anyone else experienced this?

JennaRoss Sun 17-Jan-16 11:35:25

He may possibly find you less attractive if it is dramatically different and he was attracted to for example long lustrous locks and you have had your head shaved...but stopping loving you - no.

TrojanWhore Sun 17-Jan-16 11:35:55

Well unless 'how it used to be' is swastikas shaved into the side, it would be pretty unbelievable for someone to react like that.

Trills Sun 17-Jan-16 11:36:47

Have you tried asking him?

It might be a coincidence, there could be something else going on.

Or maybe he's been told that when people suddenly start taking an extra interest in their appearance, it's because they are looking (subconsciously or otherwise) to attract a new partner.

Don't ask him "have you stopped loving me because I changed my hair?" though - that's a ridiculously overblown exaggeration.

Seeyounearertime Sun 17-Jan-16 11:38:21

Id love my GF if she went to the hairdressers and came back with a hair style like Homer Simpson.

but it sounds more like an attraction thing to me?

what did you go from and too and have you asked him about it?

thehillshaveyes Sun 17-Jan-16 11:39:34

If a hairstyle stops someone from loving you then you were never in love. However it's possible that a new hairstyle can affect attraction.

Arfarfanarf Sun 17-Jan-16 11:44:41

If someone only loved you because of your hair then they never loved you.

Ask him what's wrong. Tell him you have noticed x, y, z.

I seriously doubt his love is conditional on you being grey.

That is the sort of thing that is more in line with a relationship based on a fetish (like feeders for example ) which isnt actually love but is the use of another person to fulfil a sexual fetish.

I think the far more likely explanation is something else is disturbing him that has coincided with you getting your hair done and youve linked the two.

HPsauciness Sun 17-Jan-16 11:45:44

All a bit odd. It's probably a co-incidence. It would be strange for even attraction to be so knocked by a hairstyle, especially if it nothing that different. The only thing I can think of is he thinks you are out there doing your hair to attract people, but honestly if he's that much of a knob, and doesn't want you to have nice hair, your options are limited. I would just ask why he's been a bit off lately.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 17-Jan-16 11:49:19

Changing your hair is usually outwardly a signals a change in how you feel.

Perhaps your desire to get your preDC style back has him worried.

Perhaps the change of behaviour in him is due to your changes in behaviour that finally manifested as a new hairstyle. So it's the behaviour not the hairstyle iyswim. This is not a criticism of you BTW. Is it possible that you decided "fuck this being a mummy martyr and house elf, it's about time I got back to normal", and started behavng accordingly? He quite like having a house elf and is feeling a bit sad that he might get more (aka equality). Especially if the wifework was more equal before DC

Have you asked him/what's up?

SirBoobAlot Sun 17-Jan-16 11:49:31

What else is going on in your lives at the moment? For someone to react like that over a hairstyle seems absurd.

pocketsaviour Sun 17-Jan-16 11:51:02

Stop loving, no. Stop fancying, maybe.

I am in agreement with Runrabbit, I think he is feeling insecure around perceived changes.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 17-Jan-16 11:52:03

If it's the same hairstyle that you had when you met, it's unlikely that he's not attracted to it.

As a PP said, it could be that you've changed attitudes and he's reacting to that?

Or something else is going on and you need to talk to him and find out why he's distant and withdrawn.

BalloonSlayer Sun 17-Jan-16 12:03:38

Could you have gone back to a style that's now too young for you and it's making him cringe?

That's all I could think of.

30 years ago I had the big 80s perm. I loved it. How I loved it!!! If I went back to it now I am not so sure other people would share my enthusiasm.
Still think it was my best hairstyle ever though

TheHouseOnTheLane Sun 17-Jan-16 12:03:59

Do you think you look better? It really shouldn't matter...my DH goes through regular weird hair phases...beard, no beard, porno style moustache...doesn't affect my feelings towards him at all.

mrsfuzzy Sun 17-Jan-16 12:18:27

porno style tache ? erugh !!

littleleftie Sun 17-Jan-16 12:21:11

It seems very odd to me.

Could the timing be coincidental, and there's a completely different reason why he has started being off?

Or does he have form for giving you the silent treatment when you do something that displeases him?

AnyFucker Sun 17-Jan-16 12:23:40

Have you asked him ?

TheHouseOnTheLane Sun 17-Jan-16 12:42:24

MrsFuzzy I know grin it was for a play but it didn't put me off him...made me laugh yes...but I still saw him as "DH"....just with an added...detail.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Sun 17-Jan-16 12:59:01

Ooh I'd love DP with a porn star moustache!

I've had various hair dos since meeting DP. He initially jokingly complains that I've had an 'unauthorised haircut' but then always says I look beautiful, regardless of whether it short or purple or curly etc. Later, once it has grown out he might mention that he prefers how it is now for example, but he knows and accepts that I will do what I like with my hair.

He has noticed however, that I often get it restyled after an argument! Last time it was pure coincidence as I'd booked the appointment the previous week.

I prefer him with a beard or stubble, but when he's clean shaven it doesn't stop me loving or fancying him. He knows I go weak at the knees when he grows a goatee, but he doesn't do it often as he doesn't like it.

If you truly love each other it doesn't matter. Talk to him.

PassTheWench Sun 17-Jan-16 13:10:47

Could it be, perhaps, something to do with the expense? Do you have a shared fund for bits and pieces?

Alternatively, has having your hair cut, and maybe seeking approval for how you look, drawn your attention more strongly to how your partner is treating you. As in do you think he could have been acting like this already but you haven't noticed? Just a couple of ideas.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 17-Jan-16 13:15:15

Talk to him.

I know this is different but bear with me:
Years ago, a friend gave me a black bob wig, very different from my normal long reddish-blonde hair. I could get all my hair under it though (very fine, my hair <sigh>) and so I wore it to my parents' house once, for laughs. Well, my Dad refused to talk to me. Wouldn't even look at me, in fact. Next time I saw him, I was back to "normal" and he said that he had a very strange reaction because I looked exactly like some bitch he used to work with who hated him and made his life miserable - so he couldn't look at, or talk to me, because I reminded him of her!

Maybe something like that has happened with your DH?

Anniegetyourgun Sun 17-Jan-16 15:12:12

XH used to hate me having my hair cut. When I gave him notice of divorce I went out and got it cut quite short as a sort of "fuck you" (as well as ease of care). Since then I've had it cut even shorter, but what XH thinks about it I neither know nor care. I know my sister thinks it's a bit much but I've told her what to do with that opinion as well, ie button it (and to be fair, she has).

rosewithoutthorns Sun 17-Jan-16 15:59:24

Ask him.

There's likely more going on here that has nothing to do with a new hairstyle.

alltouchedout Sun 17-Jan-16 16:06:32

My dad stopped talking to my mum for days the first time she cut her hair (went from hair she could sit on to a pageboy) when they were a young couple, but my dad is insane wet hair. They're still together 38 years on so I'm guessing he got over it. He was ridiculous when I cut my hair short the first time too. Some people are very odd!

exLtEveDallas Sun 17-Jan-16 16:18:37

My mum and dad would never have married if my dad hadn't had a haircut smile

They'd been dating for about 8 months but split up. About a month later my mum rode past him on her pushbike, not recognising him because (in her words) "He'd had his luxurious black hair all cut off" (I've seen photos, he'd had a short back and sides, similar to a flat-top). He said hello and she fell off her bike in shock. He ran to her, helped her up and, well, the rest is history.

I had my 'middle of my back' hair cut above my shoulders the month I left the army. DH was shocked when I got home, but certainly didn't act any different towards me, and now will comment 'are you due a hair cut?' every few months or so.

You need to ask him what's wrong OP. Not if its a problem with your hair, but tell him you feel he's being more distant and ask him why.

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