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Who is aware that their DP watches porn?

(109 Posts)
showsomeclass Sun 17-Jan-16 09:33:54

And how do you feel about it?

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Sun 17-Jan-16 09:36:18

Why?

Gunting Sun 17-Jan-16 09:36:36

Yeah, and I don't mind.

Goandplay Sun 17-Jan-16 09:38:08

I am. I don't really spend any time thinking about it. We've been together since we were young and he's always been open about it.

I have never felt that he has chose porn over me, I don't know if that makes a difference.

sooperdooper Sun 17-Jan-16 09:40:15

How about you OP?

Yeah mine does, I don't care

imwithspud Sun 17-Jan-16 09:43:58

Mine does and I don't like it. We've had many a discussion about it. He knows how I feel about it but ultimately I can't make him stop.

TiredAndCantSleep Sun 17-Jan-16 09:44:19

My oh hides that he watches it because he watches transsexuals and I told him I want nothing to do with it

Threefishys Sun 17-Jan-16 09:47:10

Mine does as do I and we were both so passe about talking about It causes no issues at all. I think if it's secretive or if someone has a strong objection to the industry or the women has a lot of insecurities then it becomes a problem.

Racheyg Sun 17-Jan-16 09:48:58

Couldnt care less. I find it quite funny and we make a joke about it. Saying that he don't get the time anymore with 2 ds's grin

showsomeclass Sun 17-Jan-16 09:52:32

The reason I ask is just that it had never come up with us before.. Been together 2 years and he has his daughter every other weekend. We don't usually have sex those weekends but went to watch something on his iPad while he was still asleep and a web page of porn came up. We only see each other weekends - and now I'm feeling a bit like he might be watching that and then not wanting to be sexy with me instead if that makes sense

The actual porn thing doesn't bother me, it's just if it replaces us being intimate it would upset me

imwithspud Sun 17-Jan-16 09:59:06

I think most people would find that upsetting op. I have a fairly low sex drive at the moment, so although I despise him doing it, and find it upsetting that he's looking at women who I feel I just can't compete with (my issue entirely a he swears up and down that he finds me attractive), I get why he does sometimes... He still initiates stuff in the bedroom and rarely turns me down if on the odd occasion I initiate it. If that all stopped then I'd know we were having serious problems.

Talk to him, you may not want to, he may be embarrassed. But being open about this sort of thing and knowing where you both stand on the matter is the best way.

Whoami24601 Sun 17-Jan-16 10:04:35

I'm so glad you started this thread! DH watches it and always has. Sometimes I do too. Sometimes we watch together. Looking at threads on here I was starting to think I was weird because I didn't mind at all!

showsomeclass Sun 17-Jan-16 10:06:37

If actually quite like us to watch it together - but I'm very shy with starting things are opening conversations about it. I'd rather that then him do it in secret and me not get any :-(

viridus Sun 17-Jan-16 10:07:40

There was a survey done about porn and it revealed that a huge percentage of women that work in it were sexually abused when they were younger.

So you are happy to see your husband/partner supporting the sex industry which perpetuates the abuse of others?

Some women have no boundaries whatsoever.

Zorbathegeek Sun 17-Jan-16 10:09:13

Mine did when I first met him. He's much younger than me and of that generation where online porn was freely available in his teens, all of his peers did without thinking about it.

But I hate it, for what it does to perpetuate harmful views of women, as well as never being sure who is coerced into the sex industry. He'd never really given thought to those arguments/that point of view before, and since then, he's been rather turned off by it, thank heavens.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 17-Jan-16 10:11:35

Which 'survey' was that then?

imwithspud Sun 17-Jan-16 10:11:38

I get you, I'm shy too. I tend to stew over things for ages before plucking up the courage to say anything which is horrible! Does me no good at all and makes the situation more awkward than it needs to be. It sounds silly, but I've sent my dp texts in the past, in order to try and break the ice a bit and get a conversation on difficult subjects going.

showsomeclass Sun 17-Jan-16 10:18:16

That's a good idea imwithspud - I do exactly the same thing.. Then when I do say something it just comes out in completely the wrong way and the rest of the time I have butterflies thinking about it!

ValancyJane Sun 17-Jan-16 10:45:45

Mine does a couple of times a week, I don't particularly like it and try not to think about it to be honest, but it's more from a me having low self esteem perspective than anything else. However I suspect most men I know watch porn (we're of the age where we grew up with the Internet) and DP doesn't watch anything particularly outrageous (judging by a few I stumbled across a few years back which led to us talking about it - no camera sites or hardcore stuff), is very discreet and I don't think uses it excessively, and has never ever turned down sex with me. If any of these things wasn't the case I would have an issue with it though. Not a popular opinion around here, but it's not a deal breaker personally so I try not to let it bother me.

My ex on the other hand didn't want to sleep with me for the last year or so of our relationship, and slept on the sofa for the last six months by choice, watching weird porn and messaging girls. Amongst other things (him being a general twat!) it was a dealbreaker. Before this I was quite unbothered about porn, but this gave my self esteem a huge knock. I try not to judge DP by this though since the relationships are like night and day.

viridus Sun 17-Jan-16 10:50:32

Men and women who use these sites are inadequate lovers, and would willingly have affairs.

A loving relationship involves two people, - not more.

Ladies, you don't have to put up with a man who is like this, get rid of him if he doesn't change. Think about who you are living your life with, and how they treat others.

DustyMaiden Sun 17-Jan-16 10:57:56

He is an addict. He watches it every available moment. Goes to bed early, stays up late, in the bathroom, on his phone in Tesco's car park at lunch time.

How do I feel about it? Past caring.

llhj Sun 17-Jan-16 11:01:32

99% of men watch porn.

llhj Sun 17-Jan-16 11:02:15

these are men under 60 and it is online.

Fairylea Sun 17-Jan-16 11:04:27

My exes used to watch it and I felt I had to accept it because society tells us everyone does it etc and I sort of talked myself into thinking well that's ok then... But really deep down I never felt happy about it.

My now dh hates porn and openly said he never watches when we first got together (before he knew my feelings on it) and in the 6 years we've been together I've never once had any feeling he's been watching it or whatever else. We are very open with our phones and iPads etc.

To be honest if I suddenly found out he had been watching it I would be very hurt because that's not how he "sold" himself to me at the beginning and I wouldn't want to be with someone who enjoys porn (again).

ClashCityRocker Sun 17-Jan-16 11:04:41

Dh watches it. I watch it. We sometimes watch it together.

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