Hello,
I'm new! I hope no one minds if I ask for a little advice/support. Please be kind!
The thing is: I don't know what to do about my marriage. My husband and I don't have the best of relationships and often we rub along ok, but I'm always waiting for the next explosion. We have two children aged 8&6.
DH is a very frustrated person and he REALLY does not deal well with stress. He demands a lot of attention and support, but often when things are difficult (and they have been very tough from a work perspective in recent years) and I try to help or reassure him he takes it out on me. I am tired of it.
I am a writer and love theatre and art - but he says he's too busy for things like that, so I can't talk to him about them. I really want to engage with him about ideas - or anything! For example, I once listened to an interesting Moral Maze programme (I am a geek and middle aged before my time, I know!) and I tried to talk to him about it, because I thought it would me a fun thing to work out together. He just stared and me and said 'well, that was boring', and then brought the conversation back around to him.
He shouts at me in front of the children (I am very ashamed to say that I shout back - because he winds me up so much and I don't want to seem a victim). He moans about things I do or have said when we're at friend's houses or at parties and never seems to notice (or care) if people find that awkward or if it upsets me.
I worry about his drinking, which he does to excess daily and which definitely affects his mood. He smokes joints every day too. When my step-father died of lung cancer I begged him to stop smoking altogether. He just lit another cigarette.
A few years ago I was trying to send a text on his phone when I found he had sent naked photos of me to his best friend. I flipped out but somehow he talked me around. I'm still completely mortified.
And yet.
He constantly tells me he loves me, that I'm beautiful, an amazing mother, that he fancies me, that I'm the cleverest person he knows. He gets cross if I mention past arguments - he says I hold onto things and it makes us argue again and I should let things go. Perhaps he's right. But he never apologises, so I never think he feels his behaviour is wrong.
He's being fine to me at the moment, but all these things have just damaged our relationship so much. I can't feel the same way about him as I used to. I hate having sex with him and that makes me feel bad.
Am I just hanging onto the bad things? Should I just dig deep and forgive him and try to keep our family together and happy? Sometimes I feel on the verge of just packing things in, but I feel so selfish. I want to give my children the best life and I am willing to put my happiness into the background if that's the right thing to do.
I think I should suggest marriage counselling, but I don't really know how to bring it up.
Sorry this is so long!
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Relationships
I don't know what to do
AnotherHappyDayTomorrow · 13/01/2016 11:58
Sorry to say but he sounds at least a bit emotionally abusive. The classic cycle of abuse.
He shouts at me in front of the children.He moans about things I do or have said then it seems he makes up. 
Not sure I fully understand what you are saying but I can tell you that being constantly horrible and then making up is a cycle of abuse.
Your lack of sex drive is also a sign that you are unhappy at the moment. And no wonder if he sends naked pics of you to his friends. That really not acceptable. 
He also sounds far too self-preoccupied.
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