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Am I being insensitive or is DP over sensitive?

(29 Posts)
MagicFinger Tue 12-Jan-16 15:08:23

Sorry if this sounds petty but it's an accumulation of these kind of scenarios which has led me to post.

So I was feeling unwell today and DP popped in as a surprise on his way past the house to see how I was.

He had to be quick as working, we had a chat and a hug.

I then asked if he'd brought his tape measure home as I wanted to see if the sofa he liked would fit. We have been looking for a new sofa.

I went online to find the measurements and he got a little sad faced and huffy.

Apparently he was upset he'd come to see me, didn't have long and I was messing about on the computer.

So, this kind of thing happens often, can I have some opinions? Thanks

mumndad37 Tue 12-Jan-16 15:28:26

If you're not feeling well, you may have easily misjudged, but if this happens often, I'd say you're high-maintenance. He came to check that you're ok and you get online to check on furniture?

MrsUniverse Tue 12-Jan-16 15:31:28

I agree with him. He came to check on you and had to rush off, that is not the time to furniture shop.

CheersMedea Tue 12-Jan-16 15:34:09

Do you live together?

MagicFinger Tue 12-Jan-16 15:39:15

Yes we live together

Figwin Tue 12-Jan-16 15:41:41

He was being sweet and romantic from what I can tell. He probably wanted that little time to be just that, not about other stuff

Sourpickledqueen Tue 12-Jan-16 15:42:36

I would be really upset if my dh did what you did, couldn't it have waited?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Tue 12-Jan-16 15:43:39

Hmm I'm with you I think, couldn't be doing with sad faced and huffy. Did he want you to just sit around hugging and being lovey dovey just because he'd popped in to see you?

WickedWax Tue 12-Jan-16 15:44:08

I agree with him, sorry. Hope you feel better soon.

BramblePie Tue 12-Jan-16 15:45:01

I'm with him.

wannaBe Tue 12-Jan-16 15:47:31

I agree with him, especially if this is a regular thing. It can make you feel really unimportant/listened to etc if you are always having to fight for attention with technology, or some other distraction. And I've been both on the receiving end of it and also guilty of it in the past, so I speak from both sides.

Thurlow Tue 12-Jan-16 15:47:48

I'm with him. If he was only there for 5 minutes or so, shopping on the computer could wait.

Drew64 Tue 12-Jan-16 15:48:47

Could the measurements not have been sorted out tonight?
You could have parted with;
"Thanks for the hugs and for taking the time out to pop in, don't forget to bring a tape measure home"

It's hard to tell from one example but if you, more often than not, change the subject when he makes a effort then I can see why he gets grumpy.

Maybe the both of you need to chill out a bit?

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 12-Jan-16 15:54:05

I don't understand his reaction confused you live together, he'd made a nice gesture, you had a hug and a chat, then conversation turned to matters of household relevance. Why on earth did he huff off?

I'd be a bit hmm tbh.

Binders1 Tue 12-Jan-16 15:55:18

If this happens often and you're used to him doing thoughtful things like that, maybe that's why you respond in such a way because it's just the norm? I would have been in shock if my ExP had ever been so thoughtful.

BeaufortBelle Tue 12-Jan-16 15:59:07

DH supporter.

You were presumably so unwell earlier you stayed off work and he came to see you, possibly at the expense of work/other pressures.

You were well enough by lunch time to be investigating a new sofa. Sorry but it doesn't stack for me. When I'm unwell I usually need help.

Figwin Tue 12-Jan-16 16:01:18

Lol I don't think she was planning to head to DFS after

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 12-Jan-16 16:02:42

If I were feeling a bit under the weather (not dying, just enough to be off) and DH was idle at work, he might pop home for a chat. Sofa conversation would be and has been a perfectly reasonable topic at such times.

If things like this happen frequently then there may be some mis-match in your approaches to life/romance/displays of affection though op, and that will need addressing.

Figwin Tue 12-Jan-16 16:10:10

He might feel that you just want to talk about these sorts of things all the time. I would just try to be conscious that some of the time it should just be kept to non shop talk so to speak

firesidechat Tue 12-Jan-16 16:16:21

oh dear, I think I must be insensitive too because I didn't think you did anything wrong.

MagicFinger Tue 12-Jan-16 16:19:33

Thanks for all the replies.

Really interesting to see its not as clean cut as I'd assumed it would be. He had gone into work an hour late so I'd seen him already.

I am bidding on a sofa on eBay and lost out on one yesterday as didn't have a tape measure at home to make sure it would fit. I was keen to make an offer on second choice before it was snapped up.

MagicFinger Tue 12-Jan-16 16:20:07

I suppose I just find it a bit needy at times? Sorry if that sounds unkind.

firesidechat Tue 12-Jan-16 16:28:12

I would find it a bit needy too, my husband might say I was insensitive. smile

I don't think he would though. We have been married a long time and my husband frequently works from home. We are both pretty good at sharing the same space, but managing to ignore each other.

LaContessaDiPlump Tue 12-Jan-16 16:32:29

It's only unkind if you tell him to stop being so needy. The kind response would be to show you appreciate his attention and that you love him (possibly by saying just that)! That's what I do every so often with DH, in a sort of 'just checking in while I remember' way grin I do actually love him, but it's not the sort of thing I get emotional about. It just is.

The whole point of a partnership (IMO) is that you adapt to each other's feelings and try not to upset the other, even when those feelings clearly differ. If you show willing then hopefully he'll be comforted and realise that just because your responses are different to his, doesn't mean your responses are less loving.

CheersMedea Tue 12-Jan-16 16:36:39

I think it's not as bad if you live together as it would be if he'd popped into see you if you don't live together (ie. more of a special effort), but I agree that it's not great if he's made an effort to see you if you weren't feeling well that you are on the internet.

If there is a history of it, then I can see he'd feel a bit hurt. But then on the other hand, he came to see you - the purpose of his visit (presumably) was for your benefit and not his! So it's a tiny bit off of him to take umbrage at your behaviour.

I say that just by a small margin, he's more in the right to feel aggrieved.

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