Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

If someone says 'I love you/you're my everything/I can't imagine life without you"...

(99 Posts)
ReySolo Sun 10-Jan-16 13:14:27

After one month of frequent dating, what would you think?

(Context: know them through a mutual friend who has 'vouched' for them being nice etc, known as an aquaintance for a few years, only other sligt red flag is potentially a bit casually sexist/unaware/laddy etc).

Offred Sun 10-Jan-16 13:18:03

I'd think it was a red flag that they are a person who sees love as superficial and something which they get and don't give.

ReySolo Sun 10-Jan-16 13:18:19

*slight

Feel like it's just way too much and tempted to call things off. I don't believe that you can love someone after that long. And he's only ever had one relationship that got past the 4 month mark apparantly. Has said things like "I've never opened up so much to anyone" etc and instead of finding it romantic the cynic in me feels like it's a guilt trip/trap...

2016Candles Sun 10-Jan-16 13:18:57

Massive red flag.

ItchyArmpits Sun 10-Jan-16 13:19:52

Is he 17?

MaliaGrace Sun 10-Jan-16 13:19:55

I must admit it would make me feel v uneasy. I don't like it at all. I'd end it.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Jan-16 13:20:06

I'd think they were a dick

Put that together with a "bit sexist" it wouldn't be a goer for me

Offred Sun 10-Jan-16 13:20:12

I agree with this on love. I'd ask him what he thinks he means and how he expects hearing that would affect someone...

SirBoobAlot Sun 10-Jan-16 13:20:48

He's said that and he's casually sexist? Ditch.

HelpfulChap Sun 10-Jan-16 13:20:50

I got engaged after 6 weeks. That was 1980. Still happily married.

I suppose it was would have been a red flag even back then.

Offred Sun 10-Jan-16 13:22:19

It isn't romantic to be idealised, especially by someone who has never been capable of having a functional relationship.

ReySolo Sun 10-Jan-16 13:22:48

He's not said anything horrible to me directly but has spoken about people quite harshly and I feel like he's trying too hard with the wine/bringing things over etc. I can't tell if he is just a bit over enthusiastic or if it's a bigger issue than that.

The whole "Can't imagine life without you" feels like a lot of pressure after barely any time!

Christinayangstwistedsista Sun 10-Jan-16 13:24:00

Run

AnyFucker Sun 10-Jan-16 13:24:37

"Can't imagine life without you" sounds fucking mad, tbh

Trills Sun 10-Jan-16 13:25:12

I would think that they either:

A - were trying to manipulate me

B - did not mean the same thing that I mean when I use the word "love"

C - were not very mentally stable

ItchyArmpits Sun 10-Jan-16 13:26:03

There is probably a reason that none of his previous relationships have lasted beyond 4 months. It seems unlikely that it is because everyone else he's been out with were knobs, and he was just unlucky.

ReySolo Sun 10-Jan-16 13:27:10

Thanks. Our mutual friend puts up with a twat herself so asking her for advice was pretty useless. She gave me the whole "diamond in the rough" speech when I mentioned I thought he might be a bit too laddy/sexist for me. I confronted him on his attitude towards women and he came out with this stuff like "I'm just an idiot..." joking etc and apologised but the cynic in me feels like because he knows I almost walked away anyway because of his comments, maybe he's saying all this since (it was 2 days ago) to try and keep a hold of me.

Maybe a bit paranoid but I've never been in this situation before. And I think I've clearly been giving off the 'taking it slow' vibes so I don't think it's like I encouraged him to think I love him or to tell me he did IYSWIM?

ItchyArmpits Sun 10-Jan-16 13:27:18

Surely "life without you" would be "like things were five weeks ago, i.e. early December"?

Run to the hills...

HandyWoman Sun 10-Jan-16 13:27:40

Trying to 'create' a relationship but not waiting for intimacy or getting to know someone - red flag (have ditched for this alone)

Casually sexist - I would also ditch for this alone.

And that stuff he spouted about being his world - ewwww - unattractive in a LTR and ridiculous after a short spell of dating.

RUN.

pocketsaviour Sun 10-Jan-16 13:27:41

Was it said in a very earnest way?

I think at one month I could imagine saying to someone "It feels like I've known you for ages and already I can't imagine not seeing you every weekend." I could just about imagine saying "I love you" at that stage but even if I felt things were heading in that direction, I don't think I'd say it at one month.

I would never say "You're my everything" full stop... It's just lazy and means nothing. What, so you're his mum, sister, taxi driver, boss, employee, all of his friends, his personal shopper, life coach, counsellor, hairdresser, legal advisor, bank manager, personal trainer...?

BoboChic Sun 10-Jan-16 13:28:34

It's fine to be in love!

ItchyArmpits Sun 10-Jan-16 13:28:35

Don't go out with sexists. You won't enjoy it.

ItchyArmpits Sun 10-Jan-16 13:29:55

Bobo He might be in love, but it doesn't sound like she is!

SurferJet Sun 10-Jan-16 13:31:49

I'd be flattered as I'm sure you can feel like this after one month.
Do you feel the same way about him? How lovely if you do.

ReySolo Sun 10-Jan-16 13:33:11

AnyFucker I've lurked for ages and your responses are always just the ticket. I did have a pretty strong initial reaction. I didn't say anything in return besides 'can I have some time' but all I could think was 'You don't even know me, this isn't right' hmm

I just feel like it's not a healthy approach to a relationship, to make the other person responsible for your happiness and all that IYSWIM? To me it seems super intense...

But then I told that friend who tried to talk me round and other people have said 'but he's treated you to x,y,z/been sweet otherwise...' so it had me a bit confused hmm

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now