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Relationships

Chemistry :/

7 replies

SpittyWoonerisms · 08/01/2016 13:54

Anyone met someone on OD who they really wanted to like (nice photos, nice person, interesting, talented... I could go on!) but who just didn't do it for them in person? I built it up into so much in my head but just don't know how much we "clicked"... We got on but there wasn't a connection/fireworks yadda yadda. I thought he was nice looking but at times found his habits a little cringy?! I'm sure he felt the same about me! Both shy if that makes any difference. Move on or see again? He wants to see me again

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marzipanmaggie · 08/01/2016 13:58

I'm new to OD but I've had this countless times in RL. If it ain't there, it ain't there. Just because someone ticks the requisite boxes, doesn't mean you're obliged to fancy them. That's the maddening magic of chemistry. It defies all logic.

On the other hand, chemistry can build. Just because you didn't feel fireworks on the first date doesn't mean you won't ever.

If you got on well I would say have another couple of dates to see if it gains momentum. He may grow on you. And he may just turn out to be a friend.

But if its not there, don't force it.

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hefzi · 08/01/2016 15:34

The longest lasting relationships I had were where I didn't have the instant attraction- but as I got to know the person more, I fancied them more and more iyswim. The "love at first sight" ones tended to be passionate and intense, but burned out quickly.

I'd give it another couple of dates, and see if your attraction grows.

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SpittyWoonerisms · 08/01/2016 19:58

Bumping

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Givemestrength100 · 08/01/2016 22:14

Yep me all the time. I have tried a to grow feelings, because the man I was dating was lovely, great company, reliable, kind just perfect but I didn't fancy him despite wanting to. I fancy people rarely like one person every few years it's a pain. I really like someone now but not confident enough to say anything .

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MagicalHamSandwich · 08/01/2016 22:28

My longest relationship ever was with someone I really didn't feel I had chemistry with (though he thought he did with me).

Despite all the usual advice about attraction being something that can develop etc. I'd not go there ever again. It's not that I never fancied him at all or made any sort of connection - but it wasn't something that came easily and in the end meant that I was possibly not as willing to put up a fight for a failing relationship as I might have been otherwise.

Chemistry alone, of course, is not enough. Having struggled through years of constantly having to create it because it didn't come naturally and feeling guilty over this, though, I'd never go there again.

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SelfLoathing · 09/01/2016 00:23

Definitely had this in really life. Dated a guy who was perfect on paper. literally perfect. Everything I had ever wanted- intelligent, educated, witty, ambitious, tall, very successful, massive income, similar interests to me, kind, gentlemanly - on and on. Everything.

Except for the fact I didn't fancy him. At all. Nothing. He wasn't hideously grotesque or anything just not particularly attractive and not my type. There was so little chemistry that I struggled to even imagine kissing him. He was really keen and took me out on lots of very smart swanky dates. I kept seeing him hoping I'd fall for him but nothing. There's a part of me that wished we'd had some chemistry as I'd probably be happily married now.