Yes, august. The individuals received specialist help. It wasn't easy. The problem at the beginning was mostly that it was hard for them to want to change. Being abusive works quite well for most abusers. It's not decent behaviour and unfair, but they get the power kick out of it and things arranged to their liking. Dominance over the other person can be a real kick for some people, and the sense of 'winning" :/
But as time went on, the ones that kept on trying slowly began to see -what- they were doing wrong, which was the first step.
They were also taught more constructive ways of resolving discussions / arguments / conflict. They had to learn that sometimes, it's genuinely okay not to win, not to have the last word and that you can get a lot more reward out of being cooperative.
For instance, someone behaving abusively will find before long that there is not much real affection or trust from their partner, because abusive behaviour drives people away. ... exactly what Cwtch said.
Once they started changing their behaviour, in a few cases the partner responded. Sometimes the abusive person had to find a new partner, the previous one had had enough. There was a chance though of a much better and more real relationship. But it made it all harder for the abuser to change, because they lost their relationship along with having to do some serious hard work on themselves and often the practical stuff like shopping for themselves, cleaning etc.
They were also taught to express their own wishes and needs in a straightforward manner, not trying to manipulate to get what they want. Sometimes it was hard for them to accept that they -wouldnt- always get what they wanted.
A lot of it was reprogramming really from the patterns of childhood. You did see people kind of clicking that their parents had behaved like this. They could slowly build up new ways of behaving, the chance to stop and think in a stressful situation and say "im going to choose this more honest option, instead of fallback on bullying or manipulating"
It did work for some people, but they were the ones who really wanted to do better. Even then, some could not hack it (but perhaps something will have stayed with them for future). The sad thing is that there are very many abusive people out there, male and female, and the numbers who want to change and who can find the right help are small :/
In the end it comes down to the will to change, and then the ability. Not that many have the will to change. Sly manipulation works well, at least for the abuser.
I was told some have gone on to hold down reasonably healthy long term relationships.
Personally I feel very sorry for people in the kind of relationship you describe. It is not their fault, no, but the time comes when there's a turning point. They have to get out, or they get beaten down so far that they can't. Then if kids come along, it's a thousand times harder in so many ways. Then they -have- to get out for the sake of their children and breaking the cycle. Except that for some people, it's too late.
The trouble with the children seeming to 'adore' their abusive parent is that actually, quite a bit of that is based on the kid wanting to please the parent so they don't get the bad side directed at them. Really secure kids have more room to be themselves.
Quite a few people leave abusive relationships where there's no will to change things, and then they find that their children are a lot calmer and happier. It really surprises them.
So yes there is hope IF the abusive person wants to change, but sadly it's a very small minority who want to / can (in my experience)