This isn't a self wallowing post.
DH has always been quite closed, and only speaks feelings when it seems like they should be said, ie- as a response to me, or DCs.
I've noticed so much, DS is a carbon copy of him, DS has ASD.
I'm just drained. It feels shit to feel unloved day to day. Recently we had a bad argument and I said "this really isn't working. I'm tired, feel like your housemate not your wife. would you even care if we weren't together anymore?! "
And he said "I've got over worse I think. I wouldn't sit and cry if that's what you mean? I'd just move out and move on".
It just feels like I might be wasting my life with someone who genuinely doesn't care.
We talk and talk, laugh, have pastimes and i love him with all my heart.
But it's hit me how awkward the relationship is. I try to cuddle and he will cuddle for a brief time, then I know he is uncomfortable and trying to squirm and edge away from me. In bed, he lays in the same position, and says he's too hot and bothered for me to touch him.
We have sex but it feels like he's doing so because he thinks he should, not because he actually wants to.
I lost 3st a year ago, am a size 10 and don't eat loads, bit when I do eat, he makes comments saying "you only ate 2 hours ago- why are you hungry again?". I suffered bulimia in my teens and feel guilty to eat agin now, if I'm full I have to get rid, and when I do he shouts to not make a mess of the bathroom.
I try to make the best of myself, but he can't compliment me, if he ever does, he says it so formally I feel embarrassed. I still say thank you but it's worse than him saying nothing.
I just read on here, and hear it from friends, how their H curls up with them to sleep, and tells them how much they mean to them.
I feel I should accept DH as he is, but o feel awful for craving feeling wrapped up and loved and wanted.
Right now I just feel useless. He says "I love you" but on some level I don't know if he knows what To Love someone feels like. I love him so fucking much, but just can't fight it all from one side. I don't feel loved. And don't know how to change it. When I mention it we argue, and he says "i try my best, if that isn't good for you I'll just go".
I don't want him to walk away, but I just want to feel loved.
Can anyone with experience in this offer any advice? I could really do with some help, thank you x
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Relationships
What does it feel like to really feel Loved?
13 replies
VaticanAssassin · 06/01/2016 23:25
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