Finding the right balance - LP, SEN DS and Toxic Family

[CaptainMerryWeather]

I've posted a few times under different names over the past few years and have received lots of support regarding my DS who's been diagnosed ADHD and is "complex" (ie awaiting clinical psychologist referral which may never come) and my wonderful family who are nothing short of toxic, the whole lot of them.

I'm a LP to DS who's 8 and we have no contact with his dad.

To be blunt, I find parenting DS hard sometimes and for a few days every month, usually around PMT time, find it very hard to cope.

My mum, who knows how hard I find it, offered to have DS regularly (ie once a week) to ensure that this does not happen although my DSis has moved back in with her since we stuck this agreement which means that 1. It's a complete PITA for her to have him as she no longer has a spare room and 2. She's a depressed mess as DSis is paying no board and mum can hardly pay the rent/bills. DSis refuses to pay board and keeps telling mum that she's suicidal and mum does not feel that she can ask her to leave. She's had a pretty rough year and has not had any help, and so it is possible that she could be so depressed, but I'm sure she could still pay some board. There's other stuff too, but I don't want to make this too long.

So now that mum is depressed/stressed and I'm stressed about finding it so hard to cope with DS, we're clashing again. Mum is back to her usual self saying things she doesn't mean, saying things to get a reaction and generally being unhelpful and I wondered if anyone had any advice for keeping a good balance between seeing her and having her support without getting to this stage where I'd like to hop on a train and never see her ever again.

[CaptainMerryWeather]

Just to say that I use the term "toxic" as when I've previously posted about my mum and family, that's what posters have called them.

[pocketsaviour]

Hi OP sorry you haven't had any response.

It sounds like there is some very dysfunctional stuff going on in your family of origin. You might want to come and have a read through the latest Stately Homes thread where we are all dealing with dysfunctional relatives.

In brief, I would say that if your mum is too difficult for you to cope with, I would not want to leave a child in her care.