Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it best to just ignore ow

(99 Posts)
cherrypiew4 Tue 05-Jan-16 17:37:26

I have posted before at the start of October I found out dh had been having an affair. I asked him to leave he did after lots of talking we decided to give the marriage ago we have been going to councilling and although I find it hard most days I do feel we are making progress.
Most days I drive past ow I try to avoid but some days it can not be helped anyway she always stares at the car I just ignore her. Today though she not only looked but got her friend to look and then shouted something at me. I got in the house and went mad with dh not sure why she thinks it's ok to be taking it out on me. So dh wants to phone her and have it out with her with her. I am not sure this is a good idea I don't want to give her any reasons to be back in our lives. I just don't know what to do for the best I am in floods of tears over it all again.

Angleshades Tue 05-Jan-16 17:40:23

Definitely best to just ignore.

AuntieStella Tue 05-Jan-16 17:44:27

Under no circumstances should your DH get back in touch with her.

Yes, continue to ignore.

TooSassy Tue 05-Jan-16 17:51:32

Ignore.

Let her look. Let her friends look. Let them buy tickets to look. What are they looking at? The wife of the man she was cheating with??? She should feel so bloody proud.

Under no circumstances do you engage
Nor in your shoes would I have your DH engage. Not at all, slippery slope and more importantly she gets to know you are bothered by what she is doing.

Screw her and don't give her any moe brain space.

Jan45 Tue 05-Jan-16 17:53:13

Log it, but ignore, if she continues to harass contact the Police.

Why does your OH still have her no, he should have removed all contact from her!

QuiteLikely5 Tue 05-Jan-16 17:55:12

Ignore her, look away or simply smile. If she dares to approach you tell her if she does it again you will call the police.

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Tue 05-Jan-16 17:58:13

What are her and her friends staring at? Have they never seen a decent human being before? You hold your head high, you keep it high and totally ignore her, you have the moral high ground.....

I understand it must hurt, she's just being a dick because it is easier to stare at you than to admit her wrong doing....
I sincerely hope you continue to be strong and that life becomes kind to you soonflowers
And for her biscuit .....

TheoriginalLEM Tue 05-Jan-16 18:04:53

Smile and wave - don't let her see it bothers you. Take a cushion to punch when you are out of sight.

Fckup Tue 05-Jan-16 18:09:09

Definitely smile and wave - maybe go and give her your number and ask if she'd like to meet for a coffee if you're feeling brave!

Mrsw28 Tue 05-Jan-16 18:10:00

I would make a note of it, if she keeps on her bizarre harassing then I would go to your local police station and show them what you've logged and request some kind of action is taken, even if it's just a PCSO going round to her house and telling her that her behaviour is inappropriate and harassment.

Ignore her other than that. What a sad cow she is that she had to stare and shout at you. No shame at all and evidently no class either.

Good luck with the counselling.

rockabillyruby82 Tue 05-Jan-16 18:10:51

As Jan said, why has he got her number??
I'm sorry you're in this situation, I can't imagine the torture you go through each time you see her! Is it the same route you always see her on? Anyway you can change route to lessen the chance of seeing her?
Definitely do not react or acknowledge her, it's exactly what she wants.
I hope your counseling continues to work
flowers

Theworldmakesnosense Tue 05-Jan-16 18:18:22

Would just like to say you are a better person than me. I know the other woman should absolutely NOT get all the blame because she's not the one who cheated, but to then try and act like YOU are the one who's done something wrong means she is absolutely a cunt. And I would have got out and punched her square in the face. Well done for keeping your calm smile

cherrypiew4 Tue 05-Jan-16 18:19:50

Thank you everyone I know ignoring her is the best thing to do and I am going to listen to you all and carry doing just that. Unfortunately there is only one route to my house somedays I miss her completely and other days I don't. I have tried timing it differently but it does not always work.

Jan she contacted him once and he showed me straight away since then we have blocked her from his phone. I however know her number dh knows that I know. He did say to me tonight if I dial the number he will sit with me while he calls her.

cherrypiew4 Tue 05-Jan-16 18:30:33

Oh I would love to punch her I really would even if it only makes me feel better for a few minutes. Most of the time I have the dc with me and I would just be stooping to her level. Going by her behaviour I think she would more than likely punch me straight back.

Offred Tue 05-Jan-16 18:38:04

Are you sure he hasn't been in contact with her telling her porky pies about how he wants to be with her but you are needy/crazy/clinging/threatening/abusive?

RogerTheTodgerDodger Tue 05-Jan-16 18:41:31

Smile then wave like the queen!

Offred Tue 05-Jan-16 18:43:02

I mean it is possible she is just completely batshit but I think it's more likely her behaviour, if you have no other explanation for it, is based on something he has told her.

Cheaters are liars who tell lies to get what they want. It's usually the lies that break the trust when there is cheating, as much as the cheating itself. He has form therefore...

Audreyhelp Tue 05-Jan-16 18:50:18

Just smile and look pretty she hasn't got him you have.

Pippa12 Tue 05-Jan-16 19:16:39

I think contact/engagement is probably what she's after. Hold your head up high, you've done nothing wrong. You have all your dignity in tact and probably the man she wants- She's only making a fool out of herself, she will stop eventually if you don't see she's upsetting you flowers (bitch!)

nameschangerer Tue 05-Jan-16 20:42:18

I would smile and wave next time. Seriously the best way to "win" is to look happy. That will destroy her stares.

cherrypiew4 Tue 05-Jan-16 20:51:38

Fairly sure he has not been in contact with her I have all passwords to everything. He is trying very hard to put things right and he knows I will not forgive him again. However he still wants to contact her but has agreed not to because it's what I want he seems to be very angry with ow and wants to know why she is behaving like she is towards me.

cherrypiew4 Tue 05-Jan-16 20:53:56

I agree that looking happy and smiling is the way to go I have wondered if it might be a good idea if she sees us together in the car.

ImperialBlether Tue 05-Jan-16 20:57:35

I'd be giving her a very subtle one finger salute.

wannaBe Tue 05-Jan-16 20:58:39

Are you sure that she is actually doing anything? You say that you drive past her, I'm guessing that she is on her way to/from somewhere on that route at that time of the morning, and given it's a public highway she has as much right to be there as you do.

But given you've had no contact is it possible that you're imagining the look towards your car is anything? You want to be angry with her and clearly you are, but you are driving past her, she looks at your car, presumably she can't fail to notice it, and if she looked away would you notice that too?

You need to focus on your marriage and rebuilding that. The ow has every right to be on that road at that time if that's where it takes her. Just ignore her.

As for suggestions to call the police, don't be ridiculous. "Oh, officer, I would like to report a woman walking down the road at the time I drive past. she looks at my car. Please could you tell her she's harassing me?" Anyone who did that would be laughed out of the police station, so op please don't even consider that suggestion.

ImperialBlether Tue 05-Jan-16 20:59:30

Like this:

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now