Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He has depression and anxiety

(19 Posts)
SunshineandRainclouds Mon 04-Jan-16 22:15:58

So I've recently met someone and don't know whether to pursue, he has depression and anxiety, he has also previously had gambling and drug problems. He is great with my kids, we met through a mutual friend, with the kids around. We hit it off instantly so things progressed. He seems to really like the kids and them him too. I just don't know what the implications are of entering a relationship with someone with these mental health problems, nor where to get information so I can make informed choices. He is very honest and open about it with me and has never held back I talking about it.

Themodernuriahheep Mon 04-Jan-16 22:20:53

Oh god, it's awful living with someone with d&t even before you add the rest. It truly us. Dreadful for partner and child.

I'm sure there are upsides, someone with better advice will be along, but we've had three years of nightmare for him and us.

CalleighDoodle Mon 04-Jan-16 22:28:36

Personally (feel free to ignore) id avoid. You cant fix him. You have to think of your children. Also, having read a lot on here, i would be concerned his openness now might be a way to explain away poor behaviour further down the line, when the initial best behavior stage is over. I appreciate this may say more about me than him.

heyday Mon 04-Jan-16 22:38:05

The road ahead, if you pursue this relationship, could be a very rocky one indeed. Living with someone with depression can be very challenging and whilst he may well have a fantastic side to his personality it is glaringly obvious that he has an awful lot of baggage too.
You have your children to think of as your priority. If he is such a nice guy then why not consider just being friends. That he has depression and anxiety is hard enough without throwing in drug and gambling addictions. I think you would be very unwise to continue with this relationship personally.
You could contact the charity Mind, the MH experts but you will also get a lot of good advice on this site from those who suffer with D&A and those who encounter the ups and downs of being in a relationship with a sufferer. Proceed with caution.

SunshineandRainclouds Mon 04-Jan-16 23:02:19

I think th friendship route is a great plan, though it will be hard as I am very physically attracted to him and struggle to keep my hands off him. But at least it would give me time to get a better understanding of his mental health issues. So far although he has discussed them with me a great lengths I've only seen him in a good place as he loves being around me and my family.

LineyReborn Mon 04-Jan-16 23:05:11

No, I wouldn't risk my children's happiness over someone with previous drug and gambling problems.

Don't become his 'therapist'.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:07:41

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LineyReborn Mon 04-Jan-16 23:09:48

I've reported that spam ^^ by the way, so just ignore it. It'll be deleted at some point.

Pipestheghost Mon 04-Jan-16 23:10:39

I've reported it tooconfused

SunshineandRainclouds Mon 04-Jan-16 23:16:01

I don't understand, what does ^^ mean? Why has this post been reported?

Pipestheghost Mon 04-Jan-16 23:17:51

Not your post op. Someone posted a spam on your thread, that's what we reported, it was some Shite about casting love spells grin

SunshineandRainclouds Mon 04-Jan-16 23:19:11

Oh thank you, I was worried I had done something wrong! Phew!

Pipestheghost Mon 04-Jan-16 23:19:47

Re your post op, I personally would think twice about starting a relationship with someone who clearly has addiction issues.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:32:02

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sabrina111 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:43:44

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LineyReborn Mon 04-Jan-16 23:43:58

Sunshine I'm so sorry your thread is being hijacked by a spammer ( Sabrina ) I have reported it again.

Pipestheghost Mon 04-Jan-16 23:53:14

Piss off Sabrina the teenage witch grin

hefzi Tue 05-Jan-16 12:01:35

I would be more concerned about the drugs and the gambling than the anxiety and depression - but all four in combination, unless well controlled to the extent that they are no longer an issue, would really make me hesitate, especially where children are involved.

There are posters who are vehement about MH issues, and will attack you for suggesting this might be an issue: however, as sufferer myself, I have made the decision not to date at all, because I know how difficult it is to support someone when they are ill, and how unreasonable and difficult I can be as a result of my depression. This came up last time I saw my psych, and he actually said that my decision was very sensible, and he whole-heartedly supported it (and he's not afraid to call me on bad decisions): I don't feel capable of making good decisions whilst I am ill, and I need to focus on getting well, even if it is a long and lonely process, before thinking about involving someone else in my life.

Of course, it depends on the extent of your friend's problems, too - a lot of people these days have a diagnosis of "depression and anxiety" and in reality, it's nothing more than the medicalisation of feelings well within the normal range. If so, that's not really a problem and easily handled by someone else. But if he suffers severely, and is not stable through treatment, then it will impact on both you and your children.

I think you're playing the right game at the moment - keep getting to know each other as friends, until you know whether or not you will be able to support him in his illnesses, and whether the drugs/gambling have gone for good: plus, if you're struggling to keep your hands off him, it'll be even better once you've really got to know him!

Jan45 Tue 05-Jan-16 15:07:40

So you've just met and already you know he's had issues with drugs, gambling and now depression and anxiety.

Unless you want to be a martyr I'd give it a miss personally.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now