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6 replies

Nadienoo1990 · 04/01/2016 13:46

Don't know if this is the correct board for this, but it's to do with my xp (dd's dad).

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Nadienoo1990 · 04/01/2016 13:54

Sorry on phone and pissed off as hell.

Anyway we broke up about a year ago. He cheated, had a baby with ow. I've got a new dp.

Does anyone else have experience of him trying to use maintenance as a power play. We have an agreement of a certain amount a month (in cash, in the mediation agreement he was meant to set up a transfer straight into his account but didn't) but if he sees he girls for more than a day he will start chipping money off the agreed amount or not paying it at all.

I sign receipts to say I've recorded the money so he has proof of giving it to me. I also send him a text to say I have received it.

Just dropped them off and he's informed me that because he had them for 6 days over the xmas holidays (because I'm really loose with him seeing them, all that matters to me is he has a relationship with them) he's halving the agreed amount, and giving me half.

Is there anything I can do about this?

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nailsathome · 04/01/2016 14:01

Yes, get it set up legally then there is nothing he can do about it.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/01/2016 14:04

I think that doing mediation with him in the first place was a wasted effort because he has not stuck to it; he likely had no intention to do so in the first place and just told everyone what they wanted to hear. Informal agreements only work if both parties are reasonable; he likely never was reasonable and is using this to get back at you as punishment for you leaving him. Leaving this person was certainly the right thing to do.

I would use the courts to formalise all access arrangements from now on in as well as claiming maintenance for his child through the proper channels like the CMS (CSA only handles existing cases).

Is he really all that bothered about having a relationship with his children anyway?.

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blindsider · 04/01/2016 14:05

There is some formula that if he has his kids a certain amount of time then he is entitled to deduct from the calculated amount of his maintenance. (*between 10-25% of net income)

Get a properly drawn up agreement that has him paying you by standing order direct into your account. You do mot want to become a pawn in any money disputes.

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hellsbellsmelons · 04/01/2016 16:08

Contact CMS and get them on the case.
He can't just reduce the agreed amount.
They will set something up based on how many nights he will have them over a full year and then it's a monthly amount and it can't be argued.
How much does he pay you and how much does he earn?
Is he giving you a fair amount to support HIS children?

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Nadienoo1990 · 05/01/2016 10:55

Thanks for the replies.

Made a solicitors appointment this morning for tomorrow so will see what they suggest we move forward with and how.

But he doesn't seem to be taking the agreement we got written out at mediation seriously, which surprises me being as he requested the mediation.

He worked it out on the gov.uk calculator thing. I get what I would get if I went through the csa, minus the reductions he makes for having them when they aren't at school. He is contracted part time hours, which I think is what they base it on, but he does a ton of overtime, which most months doubles his income. But all of that will be discussed with the solicitor.

The one thing that scared me when we broke up was worrying that he would accuse me of using the kids as a weapon if I was more strict about he could see them. But I should have been in hindsight.