Ok here it is. We've been married for nearly 9 years together for 12. I have two sons 18&16 one lives with us one with his mum. One D 8.
Back in May 15 I sensed something was amiss and went looking and found texts between my W and a chap she's known for many years but(apparently) not well. They were flirtatious and sexual in nature and alluded to previous contact all be it in a tenuous way. I sat on them for a few days but couldn't cope with the knowledge so approched my W. She told me it was all fabricated based on an on going joke between them and she agreed it was completely inappropriate and that she had already messaged him to say as much. She apologised and said he did too as they realised it had hurt me. Although we agreed to carry on as usual my confidence was badly knocked as there had never been any suggestion of straying before- a little flirtation maybe but that's something that attracted her to me in the first place.
For the next few months things returned to normal but for me there was an under current and a feeling of uneas which I couldn't shake. I guess that might have made me hard to live with perhaps but at Oct half term we fell out over arrangements for child cover and she goes out and gets a solicitor!? I'm pretty stunned and am really suspicious by now so after a few weeks I have a look on her iPad and find a bunch of emails to a different guy who she met indirectly through work. They are quite romantic and seem weighted to her doing the chasing. So again I confront her and she is busy mitigating the contact but by now she's sounding pretty hollow. She did admit to there having been lots more emails/contact but that as it didn't mean anything she'd deleted then. I love her and my dd very much and I agree to put this on line affair behind us and go away for the weekend 12 Dec that was pre planned. Although we had a pleasant evening with her acting like the first flush of romance which resembled the email soppyness I'd read to this second chap, the 'more contact' comments she'd alluded to were nawing away at me.
When we got back to the room I asked to see what might be on her phone if I was to trust her again. She cried and she procrastinated but in the end let me see. OHhhh brother did I see. It was the worst(best!!?) fantasy sex filth I've ever read. Full on hard core with subject matter I'd been previously informed in no uncertain terms was off limits- porn/anal etc( not that these were requests of mine in the past). I also found evidence of hotel room booked which she admitted was intended for afternoon sex but says never got used which I'm fairly certain is true. She referred to me as 'twat' throughout the text exchange which is hurtful as I'm a fully involved father and hands on husband due to her disability and quite long bouts of depression. She discusses him getting to know our daughter better and how she has no idea why I'm so bothered about the choice of the new tiles we just chose as I won't be here to enjoy them. It took an hour to read the volume of text messages so you can imagine how much hurtful and vile stuff there was.
So it's all on line is the adamant story and it's all over so to cut a long story short I forgive her and she gives me the pass codes to iPad, phone and find my iPad and I'm feeling these are all the right things to do. So after a few days I think well why not? That's why she's done it so I check.
In her email sent box( one of 4 email addresses she has) I find a trail of emails to the first chap going back over a year! Naked pictures and videos and loads of sexy/ dirty and romantic chat. They met at a London hotel 'for dinner' when I thought she was at a hen do. She claims nothing happened. Finally she admits as was documented in an email one physical meeting at his office after hours where they kissed and he fondled her naked breasts. It kills me to write that down and cannot shake that image. Also she booked lunche and hotel room but didn't do them...... It had, she says all simmered down and they had returned to just friends when I uncovered all of this Monday prior to Christmas. They had just agreed to keep it all concealed and that's what they had agreed from the outset.
I'm shattered. I'm exhausted and have lost a stone. I'm camped out in the spare room and apart from a few tears and answering my questions(honestly??!) she hasn't approched the subject of her own volition even though she knows that's what I want. It's been the underlying 'problem' in our marriage all along and what I've been asking her to do more of- communicate. There are as usual lots of subtleties to this story but that's pretty much it.
Can you come back from this? Really? Sorry this so long but it feels a bit better just writing it down. Yours sincerely- 'the twat'😔
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Relationships
Two affairs-shattered and lost
DazedandConfused44 · 03/01/2016 21:45
So sorry this has happened to you op, what a shit she is!
I couldn't come back from this she's crossed so many lines.
I think you would be much better off without her, easier said than done but my god you can't live like this.
I hope you are ok 
How awful, I am sorry to hear you've had to go through all of this.
It sounds as over as it could possibly be really. You deserve to be in a happy, trusting relationship and after so much deceit, this sounds as if you could never get back to that... and would you even want to? She's betrayed you more than once now, her behaviour seems like it is over for her.
I hope you have some support in RL to help you at this incredibly stressful time
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