Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

His ex and I think she is playing him

(12 Posts)
Ladylola73 Tue 29-Dec-15 01:22:39

Name changed for this.

I've not long since separated from my ex and have joined a dating site. Long story short met a guy who seems very nice. We both have luggage but are managing to find time for each other

This week he came to my home to spend the evening with plans on going back the day after. He doesn't have a car so I picked him up and brought him home. This is not the first time he has stayed here or myself at his.

He told his ex that he wouldn't be at home just in case there was a problem with the kids and that it would be at least 45 minutes for he to get back. He spoke to the kids (he does every night) and everything was fine. We had a drink and relaxed.

At 2:30am he gets a call from his ex saying she has fallen over and needs him to come and look after the kids so she can go to the hospital. Fortunately I hadn't drunk that much and it was early on and we had eaten at the same time, so I said that the kids come first and drove him home. As I have not yet met his children I said they were not meeting me under those circumstances and after dropping him off I drove home.

She apparently asked where his girlfriend was and did I think myself high and mighty enough to not come in and meet her. And then it transpires that she had been drinking and crashed her car, she had left the kids with a babysitter and gone out and didn't need the hospital.

They have been separated around 6 months and he has seen someone else before me, I was not the reason he left and have only really known him 6 weeks. He doesn't live in the family home.

Now is she playing him?
Should I walk now before getting dragged into his drama?
It's not a long term relationship that I'm looking for, just a few dates a laugh sort of thing, hence not meeting his kids or him meeting mine.
Is this the sort of baggage that I should expect now I'm back dating?

goddessofsmallthings Tue 29-Dec-15 03:31:31

If his ex had met a likely chap prospect on her night out I doubt that she would have called him with her non-emergency at 2.30am.

However, as he's allegedly not living in the former family home, I have to question why he feels the need to tell her when he's going out and how long it would take him to get to hers in the event of an emergency.

As the additional info about you being 'high and mighty' etc could only come from him, I also have to question why he felt the need to give you chapter and verse of the she said/he said variety.

Overall he sounds a somewhat conflicted drama llama who's dancing to her tune and, as there's unlikely to be any room in his life for another orchestra leader, I suggest you put the baton down and let them get on with it.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 29-Dec-15 11:21:47

No don't walk.... RUN!!!
It will be drama drama drama from here on in.
It really isn't worth it.

AnyFucker Tue 29-Dec-15 11:25:04

Unless you are a drama llama yourself, I suggest you knock this one on the 'ead

Who needs this kind of bollocks ?

Sunbeam1112 Tue 29-Dec-15 11:26:56

Sounds like his ex isn't over the situation and is heartbroken acting at. She's obviously envirnous your with him. I would walk away. Find someone who has separated from their previous partner for an reasonable amount of time.

Cabrinha Tue 29-Dec-15 12:07:33

If you'd fallen in love with this guy I'd be saying think very very carefully...

But you're not even after a relationship with him! So absolutely don't bother!!!

There was absolutely no reason for him to tell her he was with you. It's not just the ex playing games here, it's him too. Who needs that shit?

Sunnyshores Tue 29-Dec-15 12:21:10

listening to divorced friends who are now back on the dating scene, it does sound as if there are many dramas to be had second time around, ex's, children, unreasonable long term habits and fixed personalities etc etc. But likewise time is much shorter ..... next please wink

Whathaveilost Tue 29-Dec-15 12:25:36

Seriously, I would leave it unless you fancy lots of post midnight phone calls and dramas to deal with. Maybe it's the guys fault because he likes the attention, maybe he finds himself in this situation. Doesn't mean you should be dragged into it though.

Ladylola73 Tue 29-Dec-15 22:34:02

Thanks for all the advice everyone X you are of course right and I don't need that type of drama in my life. Neither of us want a long term relationship but like each other's company.

There is a back story was to why he needed to tell her he was away from his home, but I can assure you that he no longer lives in the family home.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 30-Dec-15 09:02:27

So, have your thoughts changed at all? Have you spoken to him?

(What does that X mean? Is it just a typo?).

Ladylola73 Wed 30-Dec-15 09:51:19

We have spoken but not really discussed what happened, I am however seeing him over the next few days when I will bring it up and tell him how I feel and that it's not what I want at all.

Shame really as he is a 'nice guy' and I do enjoy his friendship but I can't deal with a psycho ex.

The 'X' was a very unmumsnetty kiss to say thanks X

Cabrinha Wed 30-Dec-15 10:05:52

Is that not a bit of a bad sign that you haven't discussed it still?
He should be wanting to discuss it himself, to reassure you and apologise!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now