Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Leave husband after 31 years

(9 Posts)
UsuallyHappy43 Mon 28-Dec-15 22:58:29

Hi, I've been unhappy for many years. My husband is controlling, intolerant and impatient. I could go on. We have 2 beautiful daughters, one married and expecting her first baby. I have finally decided that for my own self worth and to enjoy the twilight of my life I want to leave my husband, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. I often wish he was dead, it would just make everything so simple. Am I a bad person? He is a good provider, and we have a 'life' without financial worries but it's not a one of love and nurture. Well not for me anyway. I am drifting from day to day trying to please him but failing badly, he complains about everything. He has a poor relationship with our younger daughter but cannot see it is his own fault. He blames her and criticises her constantly! She is gorgeous, happy, well adjusted, hard working and loving (to me), heis being unreasonable, always has, and I guess, always will. Any advise would be very welcome. Thank you

Twitterqueen Mon 28-Dec-15 23:01:07

Do it. You have already left him emotionally so now do it physically. It will be hard and horrible but you will feel so much better for it. Why put yourself through more years of misery? Get out there and enjoy yourself!

TeaFathers Mon 28-Dec-15 23:03:05

do it. for your own sake. see a solicitor and get your entitlements.
photocopy and file safely all financial docs before you tell him.

12purpleapples Mon 28-Dec-15 23:03:45

You aren't a bad person, that all sounds horrible and it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't want to live like that.

buckingfrolicks Tue 29-Dec-15 00:05:41

I'd go - enjoy your 'twilight' years, as you say. It sounds as though you have a great relationship with your DDs, you'll get a whole new lease of life with the grand child on the way. Everything has it's season, and the season for being with your husband can be over. Time is, frankly, running out. Don't waste any more of it.

TheSilveryPussycat Tue 29-Dec-15 01:06:41

I divorced mine when I was 59, 4 years ago. I'm enjoying what I prefer to call the autumn of my days, which so far have included some of the happiest years of my life.

So can you...

Sansoora Tue 29-Dec-15 02:37:30

I separated from my husband when I was almost 55. We'd been married for 36 years by then. We've never divorced as Im not willing to out the time in in it given where we live and he wont divorce given I didn't do anything wrong confused We are however divorced in every sense of the word.

Im very much of the mind that if a person is unhappy at our age the only way to a good future is to make one for yourself. So my advice would be - if you know this cant be repaired then make plans for a new life for yourself. And you know, its not just for yourself, its for all of you, your girls, and the grandchild you'll soon have.

One of the reasons I eventually decided to separate was because I wanted to make nice memories for me and mine further down the line. We've lived most of our life and we really do deserve to be happy during the rest of it.

Its not all plain sailing but at least on days when things aren't so great, and those are very few, its quite easily fixable because you yourself are in control of your life.

hth smile

goddessofsmallthings Tue 29-Dec-15 02:51:03

Having found the strength to tolerate a state of affairs that would have bought others to their knees after 31 days months, you need have no doubt that you're strong enough to leave and build the life you want - and deserve - for yourself.

Get the ball rolling by consulting a solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law and resolve that 2016 will be the year that you begin to create a future that you can look forward to with hope rather than despair.

UsuallyHappy43 Mon 04-Jan-16 23:01:30

Thank you for all your replies. Once Christmas day passed by, the rest of my holiday was dull and boring. I am heading to see a solicitor soon. You have given me some strength thank you again!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now