still angry

[pinkforyourself]

Married for 10 years, wife has an affair (at least one), it all blows up, I am sure I am as much to blame, we separate, it becomes amicable, we both move on, I meet the love of my life.

So far so good. No, sorry - excellent, and I don't have regrets, they are pointless, and my children, who are frankly amazing came out of that terrible car crash of a relationship - but why am I still angry? It has a physical, real effect on me, I dwell on it, I see it as this great big flag in the moon of what a monumental fuck up I sometimes feel I am, always for what seem in the clear light of the next day to be trivialities.

How can it leave such a scar? My fear is that because I do not want to saddle the woman I love with it - who wants to hear about exes - it will continue to make me upset, and I don't like being upset.

[springydaffs]

Then pay someone to work it through with - a therapist. Money very well spent.

You can't 'move on' from significant trauma just by deciding to. It doesn't work like that. You say you don't understand why you feel so bad - well, you just do and that's that. You'll find out in therapy why you feel so bad - if there is anything aside from the obvious, which is quite enough eg betrayal, loss etc.