Not sure if mental health or ASD forum more appropriate, but it's going here for views and its relation to Christmas! For thoughts and minor hand holding...
Ok... I'm certain my brother is on the ASD spectrum. Absolute classic, I'd say. Various elements of this caused problems when we were growing up.
I also suspect I am on the spectrum. However in a less obvious way. I have MH issues and have felt odd/depressed/struggled with things all my life, I suspect ASD is at the root. Anyway, when we were growing up I found his behaviours really affected me - eg. he'd hammer on my bedroom door to wake me up every morning, sounded like police, gave me a nervous reaction to sound of feet coming up stairs! Also his specialist subject ravings or rants when the world frustrated him I'd want to scream "shut up!" but also felt so protective so simultaneously despised myself for being so annoyed with him. I internalised a lot cos I find it hard to speak up or put into words, I want to just put my hands over my ears and scream. This is a good example of our issues colliding - but weirdly I think they're both ASD issues! So first query is, any thougts on that? Do people with ASD present so differently they affect each other so much?
The other thing... my brother is not normally around at Christmas so the difference in dynamic was obvious. I could tell our dad was on edge too and there was a row that was unrelated but I swear caused by the general stress. Things were very fraught when I was growing up and the volatile atmosphere clearly led to anxiety attacks and what may actually have been silent (well, hidden away crying) meltdowns for me. This has affected my life so much.
I feel so upset about it all, and so annoyed with my brother. And guilty for feeling like that. But it sort of fell into place today, how much my issues are indirectly due to his - due to his contribution to stress levels in the past. But he's basicaly fine - a lovely wife and adorable child (I never thought he'd find someone so am pleased really, is so weird though don't get how it works, he is sort of different with her though). He also has a fairly decent job. He has a specific interest that means he has made friends too.
On the other hand, I'm long term unemployed (disability benefits), single and childless. It feels like his issues affect everyone else, not him. I know that's not strictly accurate but can anyone see where I'm coming from? Whereas my hiding, silently screaming inside and self injury in my youth led to me seeking psych help, getting bad labels but no help, struggling with jobs, and having loads of lower level traumatic experiences (abusive relationships, homelessness etc.) I just feel so frustrated, because in many ways i'm very capable, I'm nice to people etc. and actually quite good at reading emotions etc... but I seem to be horribly unlucky, lonely and struggle in weird and hard to define ways.
Oh also he had lots of support/slack cut by our mum growing up, whereas I was somewhat misunderstood. And scapegoat to some extent. I also realised I've only got a normal (?) bond with one member of family, another sibling. I love being cuddled but not by family except this sibling for eg.
Sorry, bit rambly, any thoughts? I don't mean to sound nasty about my brother, I just hope some good luck comes my way and I feel overwhelmed with grief about my life. And sort of sick and guilty but can't pin down why.
NB. Yes I should seek counselling but NHS is no go (primary care say too complex, secondary services say I don't meet criteria, private counsellor stopped seeing me saying I needed more help, ie. NHS). So just thoughts or a slight hand hold with a are what I'm after!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Sibling issues/autism/ghosts of past
elementofsurprise · 25/12/2015 22:33
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