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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Exdp hit me.

56 replies

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 00:18

We have been trying to get along better for all of our sakes but mostly for the dcs so was planning on spending Xmas together.
I've spent the whole time planning buying in things that I wouldn't normally as he said he was having dinner etc..
Anyway we took the dcs to a panto this evening and went and had food after, on the way home I reminded him that we needed to stop of at his mums to collect the presents for the dcs he then said that "he would bring them round with him when he comes over" I gave him an odd look as he was supposed to be staying over to wake up with dcs, I asked him why he would need to bring them over if he was staying and he told me he wouldn't be coming over until late morning/afternoon because he was now staying at home as his gf (ow) has no family in this country and she doesn't want to be alone (which I do understand) I turned round and said "that that isn't my problem and he promised us that he would be here and has left it right to the last minute to tell me"

He got pissed off and backhanded me in the mouth whilst I was still driving, then proceeded to tell me I was selfish and nasty and I can go fuck myself and he won't be coming round at all and we can all fuck off and not contact him again.

So I'm sitting here with a fat lip feeling like shit and not really looking forward to answering the dcs questions in the morning about why their dad isn't here, they have already started telling him that he doesn't care about them and that he's not their family because of her (which has not come from) and now this I feel so bad for them and tbh myself.

OP posts:

Report

summerwinterton · 25/12/2015 00:24

are you ok? please call the police.

whatdoIget · 25/12/2015 00:26

Is that the sort of person you want in your children's lives? He's assaulted you. Do you feel up to calling the police?
What an arsehole, sorry that happened to you.

gamerchick · 25/12/2015 00:29

Phone the police and get him lifted.

There isn't any other choice to make.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 25/12/2015 00:30

You should feel sorry for yourself, that is horrible.

It is a crime. I'm sorry.

As a positive, it's not that hard to fuck yourself, and, often very cheering.

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 00:30

I'm ok(ish)
I can't really deal with the police now I just want to salvage our Xmas.

I felt so crap when I got in and practically rushed the dcs into bed without doing the our little traditions and I feel as though I've let them down

OP posts:

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 00:31

Haha stealth thank u that made me giggle and hurt my lip at the same time.

OP posts:

tableanadchairs · 25/12/2015 00:32

Report him to the police , take photo of your face that's for starters. Christmas or not your ex assaulted you and that can't be ignored
How old are the DC's? It sounds like they a already know he is a test and that they come second place to OW.
Tomorrow(today) will be difficult BE honest with your answers to the questions - he probably my won't appear if he does l am not sure l would let him in but then again it is Xmas.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 25/12/2015 00:33

How about making a note of it, to keep as a diary thing?

Stuff he says or does which is threatening/aggressive/assault?

How old are your kids?

You're not letting them down, you're keeping them safe and loved. Nothing else matters.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/12/2015 00:33

please don't let that violent man back in your house tomorrow or any other day again. Can you text him in the morning and tell him not to come? Have a peaceful xmas day with your kids and report it to the police on boxing day? Would that be something you would consider.

Sorry you got hit, that's crap has he done it before?

stealtheatingtunnocks · 25/12/2015 00:33

Oops.

Sorry about your lip!

mysteryknickers · 25/12/2015 00:34

He hit you while driving. He could have killed you. Please, please phone the police.
Does he have form for hitting you?

Do you have the presents for your DC?

Katarzyna79 · 25/12/2015 00:41

he's lost sight of the kids too busy with new g/f. if he cared about kids wouldn't let them down nor hit the mother of his children. good riddance you've not let your kids down you've done them a favour.

report him, if he wants to see kids take it through the legal route you never have to see his face again.

Katarzyna79 · 25/12/2015 00:42

your kids wernt in car when he hit you were they?

did you stop the car and tell him to get the hell out when he hit you?

Friendlystories · 25/12/2015 00:43

OP you haven't let your kids down at all, you were probably in shock and that's totally understandable. If anyone's let them down it's him not you, I'm assuming they were in the car when this happened? Even if they weren't aware of what happened he's put them at risk, its bad enough he hit you but he could have caused an accident by doing it while you were driving. I understand you don't want to ruin Christmas any further by calling the police now but at least take photographs of your injuries in case you feel differently in a day or two. So sorry this has happened to you OP

EBearhug · 25/12/2015 00:45

Please take a photo of your lip, even if you can't face reporting it right now. But I hope you will - the results could have been fatal.

Theresatrexinmybed · 25/12/2015 00:46

I've already taken photos of my face and I will report it just not today, no this isn't the first time he has done it the last time was when I found out about his cheating.

The dcs are almost 5 but one of them is much more aware of what's going on around him, he's the one that tells him he's not his family.

OP posts:

coconutpie · 25/12/2015 04:25

Call the police now. Christmas is irrelevant, he physically assaulted you.

TooSassy · 25/12/2015 05:16

OP, you're in shock.

Report this when you can.
Do not let him back into your house again.

Your DC's will be fine. You just say daddy is busy and can't make it round today. If he wants to see them he can collect them for a few hours.
He doesn't get to hit you and then play happy families the next day.

Don't let this ruin your Christmas with the DC's. Not at all. If you're happy then they will be happy. Trust me, little children are sponges and will absorb the emotion around them.

So sorry OP

Hissy · 25/12/2015 06:21

Don't let him back In the house for any reason.

If also call his mother and tell her why you won't let him in your home. Then at least there is a chance someone gives the gf a heads up too.

Report him. Please make sure you report him.

Hissy · 25/12/2015 06:28

By reporting him, you will be able to access services etc that will help you protect yourself and your children.

Your children need you to make these strong decisions that will help keep them (and their mother) safe.

They are now old enough to notice and understand what is going on. My son remembers his dad shouting and angry, he was 5 when his dad left.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 25/12/2015 06:33

Listen
I know it's the last thing you want to do but at some point you are going to realise that the amicable shit won't work with him because he's abusive. You will also need to restrict his contact to protect your children. If he takes you to court over contact you may be able to get legal aid for a solicitor if you have a record of DV on file. It's absolutely vital that you report it to the police. I would do it today if you think there is a chance he will turn up later on as you really mustn't let him in your house today.
I'm sorry this happened

Dipankrispaneven · 25/12/2015 07:15

Is there anyone who could look after the DC later today if you go to the police? Maybe after lunch? Really the sooner you report it the better.

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PrincessHairyMclary · 25/12/2015 07:15

I've never been in this situation so have no way of knowing how Id really react but I suggest Tell the children the truth. Daddy hit mummy and that's not ok so you will be spending a lovely day together. Whilst Daddy has a time out (if that's a concept they are familiar with) Teach them from the start that hitting is not ok.

MoominPie22 · 25/12/2015 07:27

Agree with Obsidian. I think you're deluding yourself if you think acting like happy families and " everything will be OK if I just make more effort" is going to work with a nasty shitbag who has zero respect for you, so much so that he thinks nothing of hitting you while you're DRIVING??! ...Please!

You should have a court order so he can't come near you or your kids. Don't normalize or minimize assault for crying out loud.

Wash your hands of this scum and get him out of your life. Sounds like your kids are catching on too, to wot a loser he is. Did they witness violence when you lived together? This other woman is welcome to him, imo. Any woman who will happily be with a man who physically assaulted ( and still does ) another woman needs her bloody head read! Send her a pic of your swollen face ...stupid bitch.

So sorry you're going thru this. Please don't let it put a shadow over your Xmas. But please don't let this bastard anywhere near you in the future. Fuck him!! No more charades or self-delusion.

MoominPie22 · 25/12/2015 07:33

P.S I agree to get to the police asap. If a stranger did this to you on the street, without warning, just out of the blue, would you put off going to the police? Fuck the fact it's Xmas. Inconvenient but you need to prioritize.

Please stay safe. I would feel very scared but I'd also be getting bloody angry too! Be strong

Flip

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