So basically I ve been on maternity leave with no2 and have found it pretty lonely recently with lots of time spent on my own. I am friendly with lots of lovely people, most of whom I have met in the last few years since having ds, but I feel like the friendships are very one sided. I make all the effort. I think these people like me and are happy to see me if I make the effort but no-one is like 'oh I must see what cleos up to, I really want to see her or I miss her' they all seem to have other friends they see all the time and are so much busier than me.
I have done a little experiment the last couple of months and purposely dramatically cut down on contacting people to see what happens. What a surprise I have hardly seen anyone except maybe a couple of people who have initiated a meet up with me. I feel like I should just carry this on then but it will end up with me being lonely as I have been since starting the experiment. Dh thinks I am being silly and cutting my nose off to spite my face as I ve finally built up some nice friendships with lovely people and shouldn't throw them away. But what's the point if it's so one sided? They aren't really friends then are they? Just people I am friendly with.
Ds recently had a birthday party and they were lots of parents there. They all made an effort when they didn't have to and I had what I thought was a lovely chat with them all but I couldn't help thinking how many of these people would I still see if I didn't make the effort with them? Out of 7 of them I reckon 2 or 3 at a push!
I have always had this problem, always felt second best and that people aren't bothered by me. I remember even from school having this problem. It continued during uni and after that. I feel confused by friendships and wondering if I am being paranoid and expecting too much or if my feelings are real. I feel like when I was young I missed out on some fundemental lessons of friendships.
Previously I was a real introvert because of this but as I ve got older I think people would say I am confident on the outside. I am quite chatty and don't think before I speak. I do tend to speak about myself a lot, I guess too much and although I try I am not naturally thoughtful and giving. I think I must wear my heart on my sleeve too much and so if I am in a grump it shows. I guess I could be more cheerful and might come across as moany sometimes. I can be wrapped up in my own world a bit. I guess these are the reasons but when you get to 35 it's hard to change who you are as a person.
This is an ongoing problem I feel like it will never be solved. Part of me feels like I should stop trying to solve it and just concentrate on my family but that means being abit lonely day to day. I ve always put too much importance on friendships and I know that. But I think there must be something wrong with me that puts people off wanting anything more than a casual friendship with me and I don't know how to change that.
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Is this cutting my nose off to spite my face?
15 replies
Cleo81 · 24/12/2015 08:54
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