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Has your relationship with your siblings

(57 Posts)
winkywinkola Tue 22-Dec-15 17:28:09

continued in the same way into adulthood?

For example, my next brother up from me and I had a very bad relationship as children. My nickname was sow and he would chant at me that I would get pregnant at 16 and end up in a council house.

When we both became parents things improved marginally but he has since made it clear he dislikes me as does his wife.

Thinking about my childhood with him upsets me a lot and I don't know why it upsets me still now really. I still invite him and his family to our family get gerunds. He very rarely comes and when he does he ignores me after the initial hello.

Why do I give a shit? It angers me that he is so rude. The rest of the family don't see it really. Why would they observe someone behaving like that?

I think I will quietly go nc and just stop making any effort. I don't want to invite him to anything anymore. Except I would like to still send birthday and Christmas gifts to his children.

SoThatHappened Tue 22-Dec-15 17:41:13

Dont get me started. It has never changed. Even now.

This is the first year I have bought my nephew a present and not even got my sibling a card. No more of this will I stand.

SirChenjin Tue 22-Dec-15 17:44:37

Yes,

DS and I got on really well as young children and then really hated each other throughout our teens - she was a horror (think police, drugs, shop lifting...) and we really had very little to do with each other when she moved to the opposite end of the country. We became closer in our late twenties (can't really remember how, it was 20 years ago before social media) and we keep in touch by phone etc. Funnily enough she found God a while back and is now a paragon of virtue grin

SirChenjin Tue 22-Dec-15 17:44:59

Sorry - that should have been No

timelytess Tue 22-Dec-15 17:52:12

I think I like and respect him more now we hardly see each other. I feel sorry for him as a person because he had such a shit childhood and I, as his older sister, contributed to that. Although, some of the time I was also his stability.

Fionajsd Tue 22-Dec-15 18:34:32

Stop inviting them to things! His choice to be a childish knob and you deserve better x

m0therofdragons Tue 22-Dec-15 18:40:46

Db was very competitive as a dc in front of dm and df but now we live apart and only see each other once a year (but speak regularly) we get on really well. Db did start calling me fat (which he did throughout my teen years despite me being an 8 to 10) when he visited my first home about 12 years ago. Dh was about to have a go at him but didn't need to as his girlfriend bollocked him. She's now his wife and lovely but also a size 16 to 18 so his insult was a bit odd. Not entirely sure what she said but he's been very different since and our adult relationship is good. (He does live a 10 hour flight away though. )

Flingingmelon Tue 22-Dec-15 19:39:34

I haven't found it to have changed at all. We grew up to be very competitive and even now, all grown up with kids and homes and careers etc, we'll be in the middle of a civilised conversation and suddenly DSis will drop some passive aggressive nonsense that just really boils my piss. I know I shouldn't jump to it (we don't see each other often and I try not to react) but grrrrr.

Lordamighty Tue 22-Dec-15 20:18:32

Yes, my B was a spiteful vindictive child & is now a spiteful vindictive man. Nothing has changed, I stood up to him as a younger sibling & I stand up to him now. He still doesn't like it but who cares?

Meow75 Tue 22-Dec-15 20:30:13

I went NC in 2010 when I received a text from him thanking DH & I for the carefully chosen hamper that Sil who has Type 1 diabetes, would be able to share and a Toys R Us gift card for B's SS.

The text advised me that due to lack of regular contact with family members, they would not be sending Christmas gifts.

He was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive when we were children - deciding that I would be the guinea pig for him to try out his sexual technique. He was about 10 and I guess he'd decided to upgrade from masturbation.

My DH didn't know the full extent of my experiences but I told him that evening and I've never spoken to or seen my brother since. My DH had figured out that B was a bellend, but once he knew he fully supported me.

I have no idea if my Dad knows (Mum passed away almost 20 years ago and Dad has remarried.), but I just explained that we have nothing in common and talking to him is very difficult - we have no friends in common, he's never moved away from our home town and when he was divorced by his first wife, she revealed he had behaved very similarly towards her.

I actually loathe him.

Crankycunt Tue 22-Dec-15 20:38:08

Nope I'm nc with two of my three brothers.

One was an abusive bully that used to absolutely terrorise me. Calling me every name under the sun, made me feel like scum. The other brother I was closest to but just stopped having contact with me. I think my eldest brother has twisted his view and told him lies. My other brother is ok, we just rarely talk to each other.

We've grown up and grown apart. One I'm glad about not seeing, the other two meh, fuck them.

eastwest Tue 22-Dec-15 20:54:40

Mine has improved with my brother, but it was nowhere near, not even close, as bad as these above. A lot of our problems with each other as children were due to toxic parents and now we are adults we are on the same side, iyswim.

Heatherplant Tue 22-Dec-15 20:55:00

I'm NC with one sibling due to their behavior. Just decided as an adult I didn't have to tolerate it any more (think drunken abusive phone calls at midnight) but my other sibling I get on with now we are both adults. I gently went NC in the run up to xmas some time ago, just stopped making any effort. It was the best decision I ever made!

invisiblegorilla Tue 22-Dec-15 21:02:13

I get on really well with my siblings now, but there is still the occasional pang about how my older sister behaved towards me: she made me believe I was an awkward, friendless loser and took joy in emphasising how weird I was at every opportunity. She might be a supportive, caring person now, but every once in a while I do feel sad about it. I don't know, I should learn to let it go. I bet she doesn't even remember what she was like.

WhatsGoingOnEh Tue 22-Dec-15 21:05:09

My brother tormented me when we were kids, but we get in like a house on fire these days. In fact, he's here now. I cooked him tea. smile We lice about 5 minutes' walk from each other, and he gets on reallllllly well with my DH.

madmotherof2 Tue 22-Dec-15 21:22:43

Not really, we got on reasonably well as young children ( only 15 months between us ) and then grew apart during our teens- very different, brother is very academic whereas I'm more practically minded. Being so close in age meant we could easily be compared, and when he was sent to private school " as state schools weren't good enough for him" I felt a lot of resentment, like I wasn't good enough.

Now we spend very little time together, only have contact at our parents house, and even then he tends to bugger off with his laptop!

GiraffeHouse Tue 22-Dec-15 21:33:40

Hated one of my brothers when we were kids, he was a bully.
Years later we are great friends. He's a top bloke.
Gives me hope for DS, he's a bit tricky now but hopefully he will turn out OK!

Jojoanna Tue 22-Dec-15 22:44:19

NC with both my brothers and a lot happier for it

myfirstandonlylove Wed 23-Dec-15 00:36:13

When my sister was born I was 4. From an Anglo Italian family we always expected to have siblings but my parents couldn't have more children until she arrived. I was told she would be a boy by my father to placate me. Found out she was a girl when she was born and went into meltdown involving serious damage to a vase my mother had been given as a gift. I would not speak to or acknowledge her presence for 6 months. Decades later and despite growing apart in early adulthood she is my closest friend and confidante and I would do anything for her and she for me.

winkywinkola Wed 23-Dec-15 00:50:50

So those of you nc, do you send gifts to your nephews and nieces? Or is it total nc?

BackforGood Wed 23-Dec-15 00:55:37

No.
I like all my siblings now I don't have to live with them grin
But then we didn't have a bad relationship growing up - just the normal petty sibling arguments and annoyances. Obviously (well I thought 'obviously', before reading some stuff on MN) now we are all adults then we don't have to have all the petty arguments about who gets to sit in the front of the car or who broke something belonging to another sibling, so we all get along fine.

AbbyCadabby Wed 23-Dec-15 01:00:04

Am NC with my brothers, they have no DC. I do, and receive nothing, nor do I expect or even want anything from them.
My parents were also NC with their own siblings (what a friendly family I'm from!) and we got no gifts from our aunts and uncles and I really didn't think anything of it.

Lovelilies2 Wed 23-Dec-15 01:32:58

This thread makes me sad. I'm an only child and most of my friends have good relationships with their now grown up siblings, apart from one.
I have 2 DC and one on the way, I'm hoping that when I'm dead and buried they'll all look out for each other.
All of you who have bad relationships with your siblings, any advice to a parent to try and facilitate this? If hate it if my kids hated each other (DD is 10 and DS is nearly 2 so they get on fine atm! )

winkywinkola Wed 23-Dec-15 02:02:47

And those of you who now get on with your siblings, do you ever talk about how horrible it was when you were children?

HearTheThunderRoar Wed 23-Dec-15 02:06:09

I'm NC with one of my three brothers, he was always an arse and too big for his boots even in childhood but it's just gotten worse since adulthood and marrying SIL whose a vindictive bitch. Treated my parents like crap, judged me on my choice of husband and the fact I do not have a lot of money, only talks to my mum so he gets kept in the will, amongst other things.

For my mum's sake I have seen him in the past few years (family funerals and scattering of my dad's ashes).

His children are all grown up, sadly I rarely see them, his eldest two sons are utterly lovely. His youngest takes after him unfortunately hmm

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