So i'll try keep this short. Me and oh have been together 9 years. Engaged with 3 kids.
He has his problems (mainly drink/aggression) always has but at the beginning we were young and free and they didnt impact much on anything. Now with the kids the dynamic has shifted. I gave up my job to raise the kids and let him keep his since he earns more. He works long days away from home, se are both shattered and get very little time together. Weve built up a resentment which seems to go both ways. I resent his freedom at work, his freedom to nip out, see friends etc whenever he likes, i resent the fact he has all our money and spends it however he wants all the time. He tells me its mine too but if i want to do anything it almost has to be something he approves of spending his money on or its a no. I hate asking him for money anyway so any negative response from him when i do just instantly upsets and angers me. He works hard for him money but it just doesnt feel fair. He resents the fact i 'dont work' and get to 'enjoy' the kids who he misses so much when hes away! That i get everything 'given to me' which is something i dont want and dont really feel is true since its only things he wants to give. He resents i have all this 'free time' to see friends.. When i have three toddlers all day and am stuck in house with them every eve! I dont get much real time with friends. He can book holidays trips away with his friends buy gifts for people etc anything without thought! I cant! He thinks being at home is a luxury and not work at all. He thinks i should do everything around the house and has many times grunted at me if theres dust on something or clutter lying around! He never cleans anything or washes a dish. Ive started questioning myself as to wether its even fair for me to expect him too?!
Recently things have gotten worse. We bicker alot. We cant even seem to get on as friends. I feel like he constantly digs at me. He feels like im constantly putting him down and taking his money for granted.
I tell him the things that upset me and rather than sit and talk he gets his back up straight away the more calm clear and simple i try and be the more he says im patronising him, ive tried writing it down he thought that was stupid and i should be able to talk to him! he wont do councelling to help us communicate our problems so im at a loss at how to fix anything.
So when we're together we barely talk weve shut down on both sides, i feel ive lost myself. We never show affection, in honesty i dont want to.
He drinks alot, and is awful when drunk. This is a big element for me. Ive told him this he doesnt think he does drink too much.I dread him coming home after a drink as i never know what i'll get, a rant or a crying show. The way he behaves drunk also makes me not want to go out socialising with him anymore, which again is making us spend less time together. He drinks every other day at least!and never knows when to stop he thinks im being ridiculous and hes not that bad. Everyone around us sees him as hard work even his own friends dont know how i put up with him, yet he thinks its a joke and they dont think like that at all. Hes good crack as a mate drunk but as a partner not so much!
I bet your reading this thinking what are you with him for!? I ask myself the same, then i think of our kids, their faces when hes home from work! The laughs they share, all the trips and experiences they get. The money they have to have anything really. And what it'll be like for them if i left.. How id get by? How theyd get by? The alternative is me working fulltime them in childcare full time and us all barely making ends meet?! Let alone affording to do anything nice or give them anything nice.And i think he'd turn into an alcoholic aggressive psycho if i left too!? I think in my heart i know i should leave but i just dont know if i can
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15 replies
Cautlyn8795 · 20/12/2015 11:29
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