Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

possible early misscarrige should i tell him

(11 Posts)
mistletoeandwine73 Wed 16-Dec-15 21:42:16

NC for this post as its so personal
So ive been seeing a guy for 8 weeks, though I haven't seen him for the last two because he has been so busy, away several times, so I'm feeling a little insecure, but I think he is coming over on Friday evening, for us to celebrate his birthday as his birthday is Monday, but is with family Saturday and going away on sunday.

Anyway my cycle is regular as clockwork, however after a period, slightly shorter than usual and after a consultation with my dr due to low iron, starting to see someone, and heavy periods I have gone back on the pill, 3 days into starting to take this, I started to bleed, 2 weeks later and I have just about finished, normally period for me is 7 days max.. I called my dr after the first day to discuss for two reasons, firstly because I had just started taking the pill, secondly because for a couple of days prior to this I was getting cramping in my womb, having not been completely careful/sensible/safe he was withdrawing.... not using condoms (ashamed hence NC, I should know better) I wondered if I could have an infection. Dr suggested more likely that I could have been pregnant.

As I'm due to see him Friday should I let him know or keep to myself.... Ive been wondering for the last couple of weeks and have been round the houses with my thoughts on this so I'm intrested to know if you think I should mention it too him or not. thanks very much for reading

Threefishys Wed 16-Dec-15 21:53:58

Well as there is no way of knowing for definite I would say its probably not worth mentioning tbh

wannaBe Wed 16-Dec-15 21:56:50

Honestly? I wouldn't dwell on it nor would I tell him anything.

It is one thing to have a MC when you know that you've been pregnant, had the test, the anticipation, the feelings etc and then the loss. It's quite another to have an unexpectedly heavy bleed and think that you might have been pregnant, or even be told you might have been. But the reality is that you'll never know, and there is nothing to be gained by grieving for or even acknowledging a baby which might never even have existed in the first place.

Have been there fwiw. Suspected early miscarriage when I was ttc probably about ten years ago. Late period, very heavy, clots etc and had been symptomatic prior. But hadn't had a positive pregnancy test, so while it could have been, it equally might not have been. There was nothing to be gained by calling it a miscarriage other than heartache and thoughts of what if. And that might have all been for no reason. Iyswim.

tazzle22 Wed 16-Dec-15 22:01:46

I would ..... It would bring it home to him just how important it is to use contraception especially in new relationships. If he offers support then the relationship may be strengthened.... if he runs or gets shirty then maybe its not the time or the man !

Joysmum Wed 16-Dec-15 22:36:31

I personally wouldn't but I would have a conversation about contraception and safe sex. No way I'd be putting myself at risk of STDs in a new liaison.

Bogeyface Wed 16-Dec-15 22:38:35

No dont tell him.

And are you sure he is single?

purpledasies Wed 16-Dec-15 22:43:15

I had a similar experience many years back. I never did mention it to the BF, and the relationship fizzled out anyway shortly after. I've never thought too much about our tbh, and don't have any regrets about not doing so. A very early miscarriage isn't a big deal physically, and if you weren't yet aware you were pregnant then it isn't a big deal emotionally either.

mistletoeandwine73 Wed 16-Dec-15 22:56:14

tazzle22 that is a really valid point and especially if he gets shitty then rather now then further down the line.

Bogeyface - I think he is - as sure as I can be, looking at fb he came out of a long term relationship a couple of days after we first met - assumption made by exGF changing profile pic from the 2 of them to one on her own, and a friend of mine is good friends with a good friend of his so as sure as I can be.... however it took me over three months after the breakup of my marriage for me to suspect (only because people kept saying 'Oh come on, don't be so naive') then discover/dawn on me that my ex-husband had been having an affair while we were married. It was a bit of an 'Oh silly me, now I know why he did this/that/the other' moment when I realised... they are still together! so it is hard for me to answer with complete certainty as its happened to me in the past with a man I had been with for over 12 years and didn't realise! not even at the time of the break up

mistletoeandwine73 Wed 16-Dec-15 23:00:50

purpledasies you are right, I have had early miscarriges before when ttc and that upsetting as I knew I was pregnant. I now have three kids thankfully, but just struggle with it as wondering if he would feel I wasn't been completely honest and open with him should he find out.....

Oysterbabe Wed 16-Dec-15 23:09:54

I don't see the point in telling him when you don't even know if it was or not.

purpledasies Wed 16-Dec-15 23:21:26

You could tell him much as you've told it here, and explain that it's made you a bit more aware of the need to be careful with contraception. Depends partly whether you think the relationship is ready for that degree of sharing, or whether you're still at the stage of enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other at a relaxed pace. I don't think it's always good to get too heavy too fast.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now