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Feeling unsupported with my depression. Can anyone relate?

(17 Posts)
whostheJohnsonnow Fri 04-Dec-15 09:27:21

Just that really.

I've had depression most of my life (since my early teens) It's especially bad right now, and I am feeling hopeless about pretty much everything.

I just feel really alone with it all. I tried opening up about how I was feeling to a couple of friends this week. Their responses were "You're a survivor"hmm and "chin up. It will get better"

I know they mean well, but comments like that just make me feel even worse. I know they are trying to help, and I am probably being over sensitive, but I would never say such trite things to them if the situation was reversed.

Plus work is another issue. My ADs make me really forgetful and my senior is now constantly nitpicking over any mistake I make (no matter how tiny. He's an absolute jobsworth) So work is making me feel doubly useless and incapable.

Not sure what I want from this thread really. Hopefully for people to share their own stories, so that I don't feel quite so much like a failure. Woken up feeling worse than usual today.

GeorgiaT2468 Fri 04-Dec-15 09:51:08

Bless ya..

First of all you are not alone Hun.

Iv had mental health issues for around 15 years now. Battled all sorts including a nervous breakdown, been on medication for years and only stopped them to have children and breast feed. I have anxiety and depression among other issues that stem from those.

Mental health is no joke and draining!!

Can I ask what pills your on? What strength and how long you been on them?

Have you been offered therapy and how was it if you went?

What do you do for your job?

Xx

RickJames Fri 04-Dec-15 10:35:26

I have depression that is, by and large, well under control with medication and lifestyle. I do take the view that depression is something to be beaten, to give the finger to and survive so I am also guilty of saying these kind of things to others. Its not being cold, its just my view. Be proud that they think you are a survivor and believe it yourself. Give yourself some goals to work towards starting with small things and build a sense of purpose and self esteem. The work thing is shit though - can you speak to HR and get some understanding there. Depression is an illness not a choice so they should put things in place to prevent you from being harangued constantly. My work is fine to have days where im a bit dreamy but then again im not a policeman or an accountant smile Please speak to your GP and your HR, I think they are best placed to help you. Good luck x

RickJames Fri 04-Dec-15 10:37:42

Sorry about the grammar and punctuation there - its appalling!

whostheJohnsonnow Fri 04-Dec-15 10:55:31

Georgia: I take Mertazapine 30mg, but I have an appointment with GP next week to discuss my current dose. I'm on waiting list for therapy, but it is taking ages ( same story as everyone else there probably) I did see a really good private therapist some time ago, but had to stop due to cost.

I work supporting vulnerable people; which is something I struggle with when I'm feeling really bad.

RickJames: I do understand where you're coming from. I would definitely agree that moping around isn't the best way forward. I try really, really hard every single day. Unfortunately comments like my friends just feel very dismissive. Sometimes you can't just keep your chin up. I would never say that to a friend if the tables were turned.
I haven't discussed my issues with anyone at work yet. I feel like my senior thinks I'm a bit pathetic anyway, and that it would only make my situation worse. He has no empathy at all. He's even admitted this to me in the past!

Murdock Fri 04-Dec-15 11:00:17

Has anything happened recently, as you say your depression is especially bad right now?

I can relate to feeling unsupported - I have suffered, to one degree or another, with depression since a bereavement. I had a period when I was on medication, but when I confided in my DP about how I was feeling I was told I was using medication as a crutch (and questioned whether I was fit to look after my DCs if that was how I was feeling), so I came off of it.

It's a very lonely illness, but as another poster said you are not alone. Some of the threads on here are very helpful.

whostheJohnsonnow Fri 04-Dec-15 11:30:24

Murdock. I am really shocked to hear how unsupportive your DP has been. My own place experiences pale in comparison to that. I hope you have some support in place from other sources?

It is a very lonely illness isn't it? Unfortunately people do seem to view me as a coper, and it's basically the role I've always been cast in (brother has MH issues that were always given most of the attention. Therefore people telling me I am "OK" just regresses me straight back to my adolescence.

Nothing in particular has happened really. I just feel very drained. I work two jobs, don't have much money, BF is struggling to find work, which of course impacts on me. I just feel very alone and angry and like I want to hide away from the world.

It's all just a bit shit really.

GeorgiaT2468 Fri 04-Dec-15 11:37:52

That's why I asked what your job was because I support abused and neglected children which can make me a lot worse on certain days- as your aware no two days are the same.

Some days are smooth but others- if I take disclosures or the children are having a hard day struggling with their own mental health and uncontrollable impulses and behaviours this can affect my mood and strength.

Regarding work I'd say speak to your boss or above your boss if you don't feel comfortable. Ask for a supervision and express your current emotional state and how work can affect you. Explain your medication situation and that your dose may be increased or changed next week.

I think it will benefit you if they are fully aware that you may require some support yourself. There are things they can put in place for you to be more comfortable and supported when you have those awful down days.

As above depression is not a choice and you will not be discriminated for it. This is not your choice and have every right to remain in employment and have your best interests met at all times. Your manager has a duty of care to you also.

If this doesn't work then as above speak to HR about it and they will come in and meet with you and your manager to put things in place like a contingency plan and/or risk assessments if required.

Work is a pressure but especially when your roles and responsibilities are to maintain the welfare and support of vulnerable people who cannot do this themselves.

They need to support you not just for you but also for the service users.

Good I'm glad your going to the doctors, maybe an increase in dose or a change of medication and if you ask they can prescribe you a PRN medication as they did me for my particular down days. Hopefully this will help you. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to find the best suitable medication.

Anti-depressants are a continuous effect however there are some days your mind cannot control feelings and thoughts. The PRN may help you with this.

Yes the waiting list is quite a struggle, I waited 6 months for my first session and to be honest I was in one of my darkest places back then. They do however prioritise patients with regards to their present possible risks and well-being so it may be worth asking your GP to send a follow up letter after your appointment next week in the hope he can express some urgency for you.

As above depression can be better managed with medication and LIFESTYLE. Lifestyle is very important too. So if you have some time/make the time to get yourself in a routine.

Follow each day to a pattern with regards to your personal relaxation time, like a bath, hot chocolate before bed, watching a favourite movie and eating your favourite meal on your lower days- although I appreciate your appetite may not be great on these days.

Be sure to get fresh air and go for a routine walk before or after work and especially your days off. Do you have any hobbies? Keep your days off busy if you can but don't exhaust yourself. Tiredness will not help. Eat plenty of healthy meals and snacks and drink the recommended daily amount of water. Being well nourished and hydrated contributes very well to your mind and energy levels.

Begin a diary and each day good or bad write your feelings down. Even if you go on and on pages and pages this will help to off load, also if you wish to share then express some things on here also. Many people have experienced or are experiencing this kind of thing and will be only to willing to offer you support and guidance.

Get rest and ensure that just before going to sleep that you off load your feelings in the diary or on here and then play some gentle low music in the background and pamper yourself a bit by moisturising and putting on some face mask. This will help encourage some of those natural endorphins your body and mind need to relax and settle.

Your friends are trying to be strong and positive for you by giving you some words of encouragement and at the same time they may also not understand at all. However you do have some lovely friends for trying.

Try and find that particular friend or group of friends and make an evening of it to sit down with them. Ask them to listen whilst you get in touch with yourself deep down and express yourself from your mind and heart.

Sometimes a long clear chat can help people to understand you a bit more.

Plan for your therapy- bullet points that you wish to rectify and in what order. Write them down and even take your diary with you when you go. I did and this was very helpful for me and the therapist.

If you feel yourself tired and low on your days off ensure you have had sufficient sleep and rest but do try not to let lazing in your night wear and isolating yourself a habit. Fresh air and walks, coffee with friends, shopping for yourself and treat yourself where possible. Also a good couple of hours flat out cleaning your house and making a fresh bed ect can pass some time and make your surroundings feel more pure and comfortable.

Get some aromatherapy candles and bubble bath to and reflect on how your feeling daily. Log what works and what doesn't and exceed what does as best as you can.

As above do set yourself goals and targets and make a plan to do something fun, spontaneous and different.

Assure yourself you will get much better than this and you do have the strength to regain a quality of life.

Enjoy your life and be healthy sweetheart. Make the most of everything around you.

Life is not about what you've got, it's what you make of what you've got.

Here if you need to chat.

Xx

whostheJohnsonnow Fri 04-Dec-15 11:56:04

Georgia. Your kindness in writing such a thoughtful post means so much to me. Thank youflowers

I think I will request a supervision with my manager. Although he's a bit of a robot as well to be honest. He's a bit of an improvement on my senior though. I suppose I'm just concerned at appearing weak and I really cannot cope with the thought of people feeling sorry for me.

Excuse my ignorance, but what is PRN medication? I take Mertazapine because I helps regulate my sleep. Without it I have terrible sleeping patterns/insomnia.

I do have hobbies. I have two beautiful horses. They mean the world to mesmile

cailindana Fri 04-Dec-15 11:59:46

I view depression as being like diabetes - others can listen to me talk about it but they can't help as such because it's an illness that needs treatment. Good friends can and should help with practical things (within reason) but beyond that I can't expect them to counsel me or even really understand what is going on. It's my job to sort the illness as best I can.

GeorgiaT2468 Fri 04-Dec-15 12:51:50

Pro re nata. It means something that is needed. It's a specially prescribed medication that you can take as a quick fix type thing, as and when needed. So you take your anti-depressants as normal and on a day like today you can take a separate medication that's prescribed to hit your system and help give you a boot of calm, relaxation, easy feeling and to settle any immediate low feelings or anxiety. PRN can be anything they feel is appropriate for you, mine for instance was diazepam however there are many.

I totally understand the feeling of not wanting people to know or feel sorry for you ect.. It feels a bit degrading but honestly darling you in your own mind know you are not after this kind of response from them. You know you need some support and the best way to get that is to be honest with those who can help you.

No one else will know only management and anyone who you choose to explain things to if you wished to inform them yourself of your contingency plan. It's all very confidential.

Your colleagues may wonder why things may seem different but at the end of the day it's about you and your needs no one else's.

Hold your head high and remind yourself that sometimes you need to do things for YOU!!

It may all seem hopeless but honestly it's not, there is much hope and future for you sweet.

Your allowed to feel low and you are entitled to have problems like everyone. But why should that prevent you from being happy?

You deserve happiness.

Great horses, mine used to give me such a sense of trust and peace. I don't have them anymore as I had an accident where I was riding my horse and got hit by a Lorry and I was unable to ride my highly fresh horses bless them so I didn't want to keep them and not be able to ride them and play with them ect.

Anyway spend time with them. Animals at very therapeutic Hun.

Keep going and fight against this low feeling and aim higher than high.

This is your life and please don't feel alone, you have inner strength and it will soon come out to help you. Don't let it beat you. Easier said than done I know Hun but you need to think positive as best as you can xxxx

RatherBeRiding Fri 04-Dec-15 12:58:52

Hi - I have suffered with mild depression/anxiety for years and my Citalopram has been a god-send. I did, very briefly, try Mirtrazepine for insomnia but it left me feeling like a bus had run me over!

Does your work have an Occupational Health department? If so, be open with your manager about your issues and request a referral. If only so that it is logged and "official". Support and understanding at work is vital although sadly too many places view depressive illnesses as a nuisance or else they just don't believe you are "ill". Which is why you need Occ Health on board.

Might be worth asking your GP to trial a different anti-D if yours is making you forgetful? I used to take Amitryptiline for sleep problems but at my last medication review was told it was now contra-indicated for use in conjuction with Citalopram, which was a blow as it always used to help me sleep when I needed it without giving me a chemical hangover the next day. Sleep still not great but I have switched my Citalopram to a night-time dose which seems to help.

Are there any places you can tap into for more support? There are some good on-line forums, or your GP may be able to suggest a local group - just talking to other people who understand what it's like and who won't judge you can be very encouraging.

flowers for you.

RickJames Fri 04-Dec-15 16:12:34

Cailin - you made such a good point there. Depression IS an illness and therefore something to address with Drs and nurses. Its a lot to expect appropriate help from folks that don't have the experience. In this way I differentiate it from being a bit fed up and wanting someone to help me cheer up. You cant me cheer up when I'm in a bad patch.

harveybristol Fri 04-Dec-15 18:56:30

Mind are an excellent mental health charity- they've helped me a couple of times in the past with free counselling- I've always had very professional, approachable counsellors. It's helped a great deal.

GeorgiaT2468 Fri 04-Dec-15 19:56:33

Iv heard of them Harvey. Supposed to have a good name about them.

Can I ask do they correspond with your doctor at all or does it just stay with them? Xx

whostheJohnsonnow Sat 05-Dec-15 09:54:25

Thank you again for all your kind, supportive words. I really do appreciate them.

Georgia. I will ask my GP about PRN medication. I had no idea it was even an option tbh. No GP has ever mentioned it to me. I had no idea that it was even a thing.

I am so sorry to hear about your accident, and that you had to sell your horses. That must have been a terrible time for you. I honestly don't know what I would do without my two. Although they are both only youngsters, so dealing with them can often be as far away from relaxing as it's possible to get😉

I may enquire about a change of meds. Although in general I do get on quite well with Mertazapine. It's just the forgetfulness that I struggle with. We do have an occupational health department, so I will look into making an appointment. I believe you can also get counselling through work, so I will look into that. I didn't know that MIND offered counselling.

Perhaps I do need to start tapping into different areas of support. These posts have given me a lot to think about.

Thank you so much again everyonesmile

GeorgiaT2468 Sat 05-Dec-15 10:43:49

Yeah it was hard but I didn't sell them, found it hard putting a price on them, to me they were priceless sad so I gave them freely to a riding school close to me that teachers disabled children and adults to ride thanks they are great at their new job lol and the riders love them.

I still call in for monthly welfare checks on them so I get to still see them. They love fun and people so it was only fair to provide a better environment for them other than my field where I would go and feed and lunge them but no hacks or races through the orchard. They would stand at the gate waiting for me to tack them up but I couldn't and it broke my heart.

They are very happy though smile

Yeah it's an option Hun they don't like to freely give medication out of course and they try and get you by with particular prescriptions. They monitor you and then try all sorts of different meds and doses first. However each person is different and require additional support. You can ask them for them and explain the reasons why and no doubt they will consider them for you and your circumstances.

They would rather stabilise your mood Hun especially before therapy commences.

Any advice, support, guidance you need do ask, but be assured that we are all here for you and will not brush off your feelings.

Each thought and feeling you have are important and needs nurturing.

I hope it goes well lovey, keep going and get that diary going.

Xx

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