I'm 30 in a week and I've been single for the last year (almost to date, ended things with my ex a year ago yesterday).
I have a few very good friends, and quite a few acquaintances and my family are supportive.
I've been dating for months. I've taken all the advice I read on here to be open minded and give people a chance, and don't expect a spark straight away.
I've started thinking about life with my ex (i do NOT want him back, he had issues and it was a horrible relationship towards the end), but i think about our shared home and how cosy and loving it was, the cooked meals together at weekends and lazy sundays watching films, the support when you have an unexpected bil!l! someone to fill the hot water bottle and to get the door or run the bath when you feel poorly. I miss being there for someone, planning a nice evening as a surprise or giving a cuddle when your home from work. laughing with someone over something silly and having a warm bed with someone else in it. i miss ironing the bedding and leaving a fluffy towel on the towel rack all warm for when they get out of the shower.
I have enjoyed being single but i crave a family life so much more. i want to iron my kids bedding and be a mum, and i want to think about landscaping a garden with a significant other, or choose paint for the kitchen. i know that if i have these things i will look back and think 'hey that single life wasnt so bad!' BUT i also know that i will cherish my family so much more, because i would give up all the freedom i have now to have a warm, loving, people filled home.
I miss all these things with my ex so much and i feel i am getting older now and every night that goes by alone, i just wish it was different. i don't want to settle and i havent done, otherwise i would have carried on dating men who were keen to continue seeing me.
I have 2 weddings to go to in January and February and I have started to get intense feelings of jealousy and bitterness which just isnt like me. I feel bitter that i seem to be in the minority, everyone seems to have someone. i know not everyone does, but most people do by 30, and it makes it feel more isolating.
I don't know what i want from this post. i just feel utterly hopeless and alone. when i go into work i'm completely different - positive, dare i say it, funny!, enthusiastic, i go for lunch with my friends. but this internal sadness and fear is mounting every day that goes by.
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My life feels wasted and I'm really struggling today. I've turned into a bitter person, please help me
9 replies
sosad45 · 29/11/2015 12:31
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