Well where to start. I won't bore you with the full story so I'm just going to put a list of the crap I've dealt with over the years.
MIL told me i wasn't dressing my kids warm enough (had a warm jumper and long top on at the time) and this is why they had a chest infection. (i cried for hours) even though she has been caught SMOKING around them!
when pregnant she accused me of drinking (never touched a drop) and then lit a fag and blew smoke in my face.
when i once worked for her she would humiliate me in front of all the staff, and make me cover everyones shifts just because she could, one day she had me in front of about 8 staff and when i said i can cover a shift she said 'I know, you're doing it anyway' half the staff had to ask if i was ok so i know it wasn't just me.
she insisted on being in the delivery room when i was pregnant, and when told no she told my mother that her and no one else was going anywhere near the hospital period.
when ever i buy my kids something she always buys the same thing but 'better'
she told me i was starving my daughter because i was only breastfeeding.
i offered to introduce her to my DISABLED father and she said no and made a face like she would catch something from him.
she has always put her son down, he can never do anything right even though he's an amazing dad and partner and works hard.
i bought a lovely coat for my partner one year and she said to me 'he won't like it send it back' (she never even saw it)
i also bought her a top one year....a few months later she brought it up the house still with tags on and said i have this top thats way too big for me if you want it. (again.. I cried)
i was once checking the temperature of my baby's bottle and she snatched it from my hand and said its fine and walked off.
she has smoked around my kids too. not only have i seen it but they have often come home smelling of smoke.
she always asks where their school uniform is and even goes upstairs looking for it.
she was so happy when i fell pregnant with first baby but the 2nd she was clearly unhappy and made me feel terrible...even made a snide remark saying 'no wonder u have thrush!' (didn't have thrush btw)
we went shopping for a buggy and she said infant of the staff...you'd have to actually go outside mind.
she came up to me one day and for no reason at all she called my sister two faced...i quit working for her a week later
the list goes on and on I've lost count of it all but this is what I'm dealing with. we have even moved away at one point but had to move back due to house falling apart. the only reason i put up with this, is because the MIL mother is so so sweet and likes to buy the kids clothes, uniform etc..and i know she doesn't do it because she thinks we can't, but because she wants to make the most of my kids as she is 80, and since she does all this with MIL i would be taking it all away from her too and she doesn't deserve it. WTF do i do!!
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Relationships
7 years of interfering MIL and nothing has changed
Omgthestress123 · 25/11/2015 10:46
What you do is grow a backbone (easier said than done, I know).
Cut contact with MIL or at least massively reduce it.
Make a date to visit the gran whenever it suits you both.
Stop waiting for this woman to change as it wont happen.
You can only change one person's attitude in all of this, and that's yours.
Good luck 
Yes, what does your DH say?
But basically, she's a cunt. She should never have been allowed in the delivery room and she must not be allowed to smoke around your kids, or go looking for their school uniforms 
.
Don't have her in your house. Don't speak to her.
Its hard isnt it when the behaviour is very manipulative and they try to play other people against you, under the facade of 'whats best for you'. My mil is a bit like this and she lives 2 mins away ...i see her and fil nearly everyday. Its really hard! I have posted a few times about my mil here. By no means have i 'sorted out' our issues, and i am very shy/hate confrontation, but somethings i have done that have helped:
Dont divulge information, e.g: my mil used to ring everyday and say 'what are you up to?' - all nice and well...but if i said something like 'oh i dont know going to buy ds a bouncer' etc, a couple of hours later she would turn up, with a 'better' one. I also got a nice memory box made for ds, by my friend who has a craft buisness - a sentimental thing from me to him and she insisted she 'bought it' (literally shoving money at me) after id bought it...weird and really pissed me off. So now im just very vague all the time and dont tell her any proper info.
As soon as she brings up some parenting 'advice' (weaning at 8 weeks 
) i just say hmmm and then say no, im doing x y z. I used to just say hmm yeah and leave it at that but ive haf to actually start saying no as otherwise she witters on and on with such a patronising i know better than you way which make me want to punch her.
And also, my dh does stick up for me and my/our views, but it helps us to discuss things (i.e any issues i feel very strongly about, like not giving chocolate and coke in a bottle to my 6 month old....!) To make sure we are on same page before mil brings it up (even though dh backs me up sometimes if its something we havnt talked a out he will just sit there passively)
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