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Making me feel crazy

(27 Posts)
LouisaCee Mon 23-Nov-15 15:15:37

Hi. Sorry this is my first ever post but needed to ask people if they think i'm acting crazy or not?

Me & my partner have been together 5 years, have 2 year old together.

It's always been rocky but we've managed.

He started a new job a year ago and since he's become a bit off an arse. He was always arsey but it's gotten worse.

He's lazy and doesn't help me much. Anyway - The other week I found he had credit cards, loans and overdrafts I had no idea about. Accumulating debts behind my back. We talked, all was forgiven. I then found a week later he was using Tinder as it was in his recently closed apps. He was sat next to me at the time. We spoke, he said he'd been using it (alongside another app) to see who liked him. And that he had not been talking to other women/men.

Since working at this new place he seems to be very disrespectful of women and keeps constantly rating women out of 10. "But you shouldn't worry because you're a 9" - his reaction when I had an issue with this.

I found 10 days before our daughters birthday he'd asked a mate if they could go get stoned together. This happens to also have the week where we had to borrow cash to buy birthday presents and do a food shop.

Last week he went out drinking, never had an issue with him going out. This week, he went out again, again no problem. However, a few days prior he was begging me for cash to cover our rent (he wanted the child benefit). Yet he can still afford to get drunk?

When he came in from his latest night out I found his friend had drove them both home and was over the limit. Also my partner had been controlling the gears to the car whilst in this state. Then he told me some girl had been over to their table that night, crawling over all the men and sucking their tongues... And my partner got pictures of it. This woman also offered to suck my partner off.
This night had told me he'd be home after 1 drink. So i kept our daughter up to see him for an hour. Six hours later he walks through the door.

Because i've expressed there's a problem with his behaviour I'm a 'crazy bitch', 'fucking stupid' and 'no fun'.
He's refusing to apologise for hurting my feelings.

He's making me feel like I'm crazy. And he's making it feel like its all in my head and my fault there's issues with our relationship.

Thoughts?

LouisaCee Mon 23-Nov-15 15:22:07

** Just to add, this woman apparently didn't do anything to him at all because he wouldn't allow it.

extrastrongblackcoffee Mon 23-Nov-15 15:23:51

My thoughts are he's an immature, self centred arse hole. Sorry.

Twitterqueen Mon 23-Nov-15 15:24:54

And you're with him because????

He has no respect for you.
He uses the child benefit for drink
He's up to his neck in debt
He's a drunk and a cheat and a flirt.

I think this is probably my first and very definite LTB.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Mon 23-Nov-15 15:33:34

If you want to stop being treated like a doormat then get up off the floor. In your own words, it's always been rocky, he's always been arsey. What, did you think fatherhood would magically change him?

He prioritises Tinder, getting stoned and drinking above keeping a roof over his child's head. And you know this and are all like "Yeah, no problem" at the time, then moaning about it afterwards.

Yes you are acting crazy... Crazy for wasting another minute on this fuckwit.

Robotgirl Mon 23-Nov-15 15:35:23

What drgoogle said ^^

Jan45 Mon 23-Nov-15 15:45:42

I wouldn't believe a word he says therefore I wouldn't trust him, therefore I couldn't be with an arsehole like this.

Pipestheghost Mon 23-Nov-15 15:51:56

The only 'crazy' bit I can see is putting up with this useless, disrespectful, drunk.

category12 Mon 23-Nov-15 16:03:55

Ltb

gingersam Mon 23-Nov-15 18:42:39

LTB!!!

tryandtryagain Mon 23-Nov-15 18:47:15

Have my first ever LTB!! With bells on!

molyholy Mon 23-Nov-15 18:53:14

And again from me. LTB. you would be crazy if you stayed with this prick.

ILiveAtTheBeach Mon 23-Nov-15 18:56:54

Bloody hell, why are you putting up with this? It's shockingly bad. Don't you want far better? If you do, you must leave this relationship and start anew.

My DH has just brought me a glass of wine and is now happily cooking our dinner. Then we will have a nice evening together watching The Affair and the Jungle then go to bed. No debts. No wild nights out. Then again, he's 43 and I didn't know him when he was 23 he might have been a dick back then

Fratelli Mon 23-Nov-15 20:03:58

Just stop and think what advice you would be giving your daughter if she ended up with someone like this. You deserve better and so does she.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Mon 23-Nov-15 20:08:03

It's always been rocky but we've managed.

No relationship should ever be described in these terms.

angryangryyoungwoman Mon 23-Nov-15 20:10:59

Eh? Is this a serious question? Why would you be confused after so many instances of lying/bad behaviour? It must be obvious that he is not a nice person. Ltb hmm

mix56 Mon 23-Nov-15 20:22:45

Sorry, but he is just a waste of your mental health. Boot him out.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 23-Nov-15 21:28:45

How can these factual objective things be only in your head?
drinking,
secret debt,
being on Tinder,
drinking the rent money,
showing you photos of a woman he says sucked his tongue
drink driving
Taking drugs

How could these be only in your imagination?

Are you married? Whose name is the house in?

pocketsaviour Mon 23-Nov-15 21:34:54

Sounds like you're not married? Good news as your debts aren't then joint.

Get to the CAB, get your ducks in a row, get clued up about your financial entitlements, get rid of him.

toffeeboffin Mon 23-Nov-15 21:38:10

It's not in your head. He's an idiot.

pictish Mon 23-Nov-15 21:40:18

Got to agree with everyone else...he's a total waste of space.
I am more concerned about you, however. I am so sorry that you would consider this man, his behaviour and your relationship, in any way acceptable to you.Your boundaries have been all but eradicated and your sense of normality warped by five years with an utter arsehole. And he has the audacity to tell you you're "no fun"!

What to do about him is simple...you get rid. As to what to do about you, that is rather more complicated. You can start by raising your standards to those which are befitting to you, not this algae of a man.

pictish Mon 23-Nov-15 22:00:36

Which sounds telly-offy when I read it back...but it's not meant to be. I'm just saying you can do better.

Don't hang on to him because you've got a daughter together. If he wants to be a good dad, he'll do that without you. At the moment he is being anything but, putting mum through the wringer with his horrible behaviour. Is that what he would want for her? A lying, cheating, drunken, gloating, selfish bastard?

venusandmars Mon 23-Nov-15 22:09:25

The other week I found he had credit cards, loans and overdrafts I had no idea about. Accumulating debts behind my back. We talked, all was forgiven.

I simply don't understand this.... You talked and all was forgiven? That sounds so easy, but he lied to you, the debts are still there, it doesn't sound like you have a way of resolving the situation. How can it be so simple as just forgiving him?

That alone needs significant work - never mind all the rest of your post. sad for you and your dd

firesidechat Tue 24-Nov-15 10:21:31

Rather than being crazy, I don't think you've been crazy enough. Far too laid back.

The money thing would have taken more than a little chat to make it ok.

This also stood out:

Last week he went out drinking, never had an issue with him going out. This week, he went out again, again no problem. However, a few days prior he was begging me for cash to cover our rent (he wanted the child benefit). Yet he can still afford to get drunk?

I see this again and again on mn - "I have no problem with that", when sometimes it actually is ok to have a problem with it and a foot does have to be put down. Sorry if it spoils his fun, but rent and feeding your family comes before drugs and booze.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 24-Nov-15 10:41:19

Well you've got a goodun there haven't you!????

As a PP said, think of your DD in this situation when she's older.
What would you be advising?
Showing her now that this is how relationships work is doing her no favours and she WILL end up in the same situation unless you show her that this is NOT OK. Women do NOT have to put with this shit.

Get to CAB and get some advice on benefits and housing.
I am assuming you rent? Who's name is this in?
If you have a mortgage then got to a solicitor. Some do a free half hour.

Seriously, this is crap and you know it.
You deserve better and your DD deserves better.
A drunk and drunk addict as a role model? No, just NO!

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