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WWYD- Immigration- Useless father- Moving on- stop contact?

16 replies

inthechocolatefactory1 · 15/11/2015 18:10

This is going to be a long one, so I'm just going to go on ahead.

I have a 6 year old DD with her dad. We were together for about 4 years but broke up as I couldn't take his abusive ways.

When DD was around three, I was sick of the little amount of money he would bring to DD's up-bringing and this was the period that the first signs of abuse was happening. It was then that he admitted to me that he came to the UK on a family visa (I think) for 6 months when he was 10. But actually over stayed in the UK for 14 years. Due to this issue, he has not been able to get hold of a job, the reason why he has been sleeping at friends houses to and fro.

To cut long story short, DD's dad was becoming very very abusive around that period and I cut off the relationship. Quickly after that, DD's dad was put into an immigration centre, I would have the Home office writing me constant letters, to which I simply ignored as far as I was concerned I didn't want anything to do with him. When DD was around over 4, he was let out of the deportation centre and apparently his immigration had all been sorted out. Shortly after his release, the dad contacted social services to arrange supervised contact with DD (I insisted he should do this). This was all arranged and I was impressed that DD's dad was making an effort to see her, he showed up on time, he was never late and never missed his supervised contact days with her. On the last day of contact, the social worker told DD's dad how impress she was of him and they decided to that he could see DD unsupervised. I agreed with this also. The social worker oddly told him that she will tell immigration about the contact with DD. But I let this go.

For the first few months, he was really good, he was picking up DD on time from my house, giving me money, more involved. But after those months, the contact became irregular. He wasn't showing up on the days he was suppose to show up, he stopped giving me money. I will hear excuses "oh, his stress about not having a job yet", " His busy with work so will see DD when he can". The abusive ways started to show again, he would insult me on the phone, put me emotionally down. I tried to involve him into all aspects of DD's life, like parents evening, school pick ups, but he was too lazy, wouldn't pick up DD from school that he promised he would. When he calls me, often it's nothing to do about DD. It would be the women troubles his having, how his stress with life etc.

DD is now six, and he is still like this. I don't know what to do, apart of me wants to block all contact from him and DD. Block his number and just move on, though some people are telling me not to block him, but just to wait till he gets very un interested. Also, when I was visiting DD's dad family a couple pf months back, they asked me that immigration will most likely contact me early next year to see how his contact with DD is like, since his visa is expiring next June and he needs to renew it. I asked why was this? and they told me that the reason why DD's dad got his leave to remain visa was because he told immigration that he was seeing DD regularly and wanted to stay in the country because of her.

I was fuming, how dare he use his daughter to get stay in the country and he wasn't seeing DD regular like he proclaimed he was.

I don't know what to do anymore.

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mum2mum99 · 15/11/2015 18:28

Not sure if I would support my DD seeing an abusive father. Sounds like you have been used and so has your DD. Stop running around after him. He is not worth the effort. I know somewhere in your heart you want DD to have a father. What kind of a father is he?