Short and sweet:
If you DP said "you have to promise me kids in X number of years now, or it's not going to work"
If DP said " I see you as my support and looking after the kids and home, and me going away exploring"
If he accused you of being "too independent"
If he admitted he tried to "mould your personality into what's best for the relationship"
If you realised you hid things for fear of disappointing him
And you wake up one night seeing yourself in 10 years time, alone with 4 kids, while himself is away, and you know that if you go one step further it will be you signing into this contract because he's never hid that this is what he wants.
Is this a subtle form of emotional control, or am I totally overreacting and need a reality check?
Please help, can't seem to trust my judgement, except the worry in the pit of my stomach.
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I just want a very quick yes or no answer
NCforaRainyTuesday · 10/11/2015 12:02
It's not a subtle form of control, it's a massive red waving flag.
Trust your instincts and run for the hills
I don't know. If I was at that stage in my life where I wanted children, I might say, yes I promise to try for children but you have to promise to treat me as an equal, because if you see yourself as my boss, then it's not going to work.
It sounds like even before you've had kids he wants you to be subservient and financially dependent. He sounds like my x to be honest 
Actually, run for the hills. This man doesn't want an equal relationship. he doesn't want a strong woman. 'Independence' isn't attractive to him. It threatens him. He doesn't want to be called upon to support you ever but is looking for a commitment from you to support him
I was too easy on him in my first para
but not with him xJust saw tried to mould your personality into what's best for the relationship eg for HIS needs! Fuck that for a game of soldiers!!!! 
I had an ex like that he wanted me to be like his mum and sister running around after his every need.... Nope.
This man does sound like my x.
Due to a low self-esteem at the time, I tried to quieten my doubts. But then, when I was trapped, I could never negotiate anything. YOur worst fears are correct. I could recognise when things weren't fair and I endlessly used to try and appeal to his sense of justice but he saw it as right and fair and proper that I subjugate my needs in the interests of meeting all of his needs. I had to run the home as smoothly as possible so as to avoid inconveniencinng him while he made all the money, but, because he made all the money (!) that gave him ALL of the power and all of the rights and I had no bargaining position. Nothing could ever be re-negotiated.
I hate to tell you but this man you're with sounds way too like my x. And I'm a very easy going person, I don't try to make other people be who they're not. I tried to be what he wanted me to be and I couldn't do it. I nearly went crazy. And then, when I did go crazy as a result of years of being silenced and stonewalled and treated with such an utter lack of contempt, he used my upset against me. Labelled it hysteria, drama, hystrionics... You get the FULL picture. Unlike me you are astute and you see this very same handwriting on the wall.
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