Is this rape. | Mumsnet

wotsit99 · 2015-11-04 08:04:52

A man has just started a new relationship with a woman but is still sleeping with the mother of his 2 year old dd. The mother of his child (Kate) and he argue one day over his intentions and she emails his girlfriend and tells her that he is sleeping with them both. He comes straight over and repeatedly kicks kate in the leg in front of their dd, puts his hands around her throat. He them says he is going to rape kate in front of their daughter and as he is dragging her down the hallway she can see he has an erection through his jeans. Their daughter follows him into the bedroom and Kate asks that if he is going to do it can they put a film on for their dd in the living room, which he allows kate to do. In the bedroom he sweeps all of her stuff off of thw top of her cheat if drawers telling her her life is shit. Kate is crying on the bed, as he comes over and pushes her legs apart and takes off her leggings and knickers he says come on I'm not going to hurt you. And she allows him to have sex with her, she is not responsive or 'into it' just allows it to happen. When he has finished he looks her coldly in the eye and says "fuck you". He then sits at the end of the bed and starts talking, saying he loves his new girlfriend. He says "the sex with her will never be as good as with you I mean it's nothing like that but I love her" (talking as if what just took place was consensual sex). He then kicks kate again at which point their dd is in the room and starts to try and hit kate too. When he leaves he takes kate car/house keys and her phone, he kicks her computer screen and leaves. Kate never saw it as rape but that she allowed him to have sex with her, she was confused because what she was most upset about was the lack of care and rejection and the fact he had chosen this other woman over her. She thought maybe it was abusive sex but she allowed it to happen she did love him after all. 5 months later they were back together and he insisted it wasn't rape because he would have stopped if she had told him to stop. Kate spends thw next two years of their relationship in total denial and doesn't think about it. Now that they have split for a year she is starting to think about it and gets quite upset at the realisation it is probably rape and that she stayed in love with him and entered a relationship with him again. But she still feels maybe it wasn't black and white. Any second opinions would be appreciated.

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We've agreed to remove this thread as the OP is keen to avoid their identity being revealed irl.