Sex can be painful for my wife due to a medical condition.
As a result she has withdrawn from any sexual contact, since that might lead to sex. This has left me feeling very rejected and frustrated. Although I know she still loves me, it's hard to feel close to her without this kind of contact, and it's hard for me to look ahead and see several decades of an asexual life.
With hindsight we should have tried to develop a sexual relationship which didn't involve penetrative sex a long time ago, but while we used to have a good sex life it was always quite narrowly focused, because she doesn't like snogging, oral sex (giving or receiving), anal sex or handjobs/mutual masturbation.
The medical condition cannot be treated further. It has improved to the point where, if we do have sex it doesn't hurt her for the first 2 or 3 minutes, which if I am turned on enough can be enough time for me (probably not supposed to admit that...). But I think the association between painful intercourse and all other sexual activity is already firmly entrenched, so she just tries to avoid doing anything sexual. We have already had a lot of sex therapy, which didn't help. All this has been going on for a number of years.
Last night we had a painful conversation about all of this. In which I said I didn't think I could cope anymore. I told her I might possibly be able to cope without ever having actual sexual intercourse, but not without any sexual activity at all.
She played the "in sickness and in health" card - she asked if I would leave her if she was paralysed in an accident, and pointed out that her condition is equally not her fault. This hit home and I suddenly questioned myself. I guess there are differences - in her case she is capable of doing some sexual stuff but chooses not to, but on the other hand it was probably partly my fault that the stuff she can still do became associated with the stuff she cannot.
What do people think? Would it be morally wrong of me to leave in these circumstances?
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Moral dilemma
15 replies
Rockandahardplaice · 25/10/2015 07:33
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