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Still haven't met his parents!

(12 Posts)
Lerkingtheboards1 Mon 19-Oct-15 17:55:31

New to the boards although lurked for a while!
As the title says been seeing dp for a year next month and have yet to meet his parents or family ?! He's not particularly interested in meeting mine either, although in an informal situation they have!
He also has two children who I've only met informally. Ie bumping into them together.

I didn't think much of it until two of my friends who are in newish relationships have both been and had dinner etc with parents and siblings.

Views?

CheersMedea Mon 19-Oct-15 18:43:42

Depends how close he is to his parents I think.

If they are close and he sees them a lot/speaks to them a lot, it is a bad sign. If he's not that close and sees them rarely, it may not be an issue.

If you are happy and secure in a relationship and see it going into the future, it's pretty normal to want the people you love to meet each other.

Couple of other questions - how old is he? and how old are you? how old are his parents? (I think the older you are the less of a big deal this is - if his parents are in a nursing home for example, it may not be what he'd choose to do).

- how serious are you? I know you say you've been seeing each other for a year but that means nothing. It's possible to be FWB for a year! Does he tell you he loves you? Has he talked about living together? Does he talk about the future? Are you sure you are exclusive? Have you discussed it?

Muckogy Mon 19-Oct-15 18:49:44

i wouldn't be happy with that.
sorry.
a year is long enough for him to make up his mind as to whether he sees you as someone he's serious about.
i woud have expected to meet his family properly by now.

BackforGood Mon 19-Oct-15 19:02:48

Everything Cheers said really.
This depends SO much on how local they are / how often he sees them / how committed the relationship is / how he gets on with them / and so forth. There is no 'one size fits all'

Lerkingtheboards1 Mon 19-Oct-15 19:05:55

His parents are separated. One lives five minutes from him. The other about an hour away. He pops into the one who lives near by weekly.
Even more so if he has the children so I would say they have a good relationship.
Neither have been mentioned about meeting etc.

Were just taking things slow he was in a Long term relationship before we got together as was I so no rush on either side , I guess it's just highlighted by the fact that my friends have all been and met parents recently and I suppose it is a mile stone in a relationship.

CheersMedea Tue 20-Oct-15 12:31:55

One lives five minutes from him. The other about an hour away. He pops into the one who lives near by weekly.

Ah OK - well I'm sorry but I think this is a bad sign actually. I think you are aware this is not good and it's why you are saying things like "we're just taking things slow" "he was in a long term relationship" - in other words you are making excuses for him.

If you care about someone and love them, then usually that also means being proud of being in a relationship with them and wanting to introduce them to your closest friends and family. And vice versa - you actually want your parents/siblings/best buddies to meet your new partner and your partner to meet them.

It's very likely to be an indication that he is not that serious about you and/or does not see you as part of his long term future. These things can change of course (I know plenty of people in 10 year + relationships almost by default - ie. the guy was never that keen, but they got used to each other and then it became so much of a wedded lifestyle it was too much hassle to get out of) but may not do.

You never answered my questions about how serious are you: - Does he tell you he loves you? Has he talked about living together? Does he talk about the future? Are you sure you are exclusive? Have you discussed it?

Lerkingtheboards1 Tue 20-Oct-15 12:50:07

Were exclusive as we don't date other people.
He does tell me he loves me.
We don't have plans to live together at the moment I have a child too.
The future for him is his work at the moment he says.
We don't really discuss it too much.

offside Tue 20-Oct-15 12:51:07

I wouldn't worry to much about it, just enjoy the time and moments while you can.

My brother is the exactly the same with new partners. His current partner I met for the first time on Sunday and he has been with her for 15 months. He didn't introduce her to my parents until they had been together nearly a year and that was because she pressured him into it, not because he felt it was necessary. He also still lives at home so could argue there was no excuse but he knows what my mother is like and as much as he is the golden child and he is a complete yes man when it comes to her, she is interfering and no one will be good enough for him.

From his point of view, he doesn't want the hassle of family dynamics impacting on his relationship and he wants to enjoy his new relationship without the interfering and inquisition from my mother.

He met all her family a long time ago and has been to family functions and the such like, but for him, mixing his family and relationship just isn't appealing.

Maybe think about it from his point of view and try not to pressure him.

offside Tue 20-Oct-15 12:51:39

sorry about typos!

HustleRussell Tue 20-Oct-15 13:06:47

IMO he doesn't see you as a serious partner just yet. He may have some doubts and until those are resolved in his mind, may not want you nearer the family.

Sure it will just be a matter of time.

ILiveAtTheBeach Tue 20-Oct-15 13:12:04

I'm sorry, but this would do my head in! 11 months and you've not met his family or his kids? He is either not remotely serious about you or (and I hope I'm wrong), you might not be the only person he's seeing.

I introduced my DH to my kids after 3 months of dating. He met my family 6 weeks after dating. I knew he was The One, so why wait? We also moved in together 8 months in.

I would ask him outright. But then I do just tackle stuff head on.

cozietoesie Tue 20-Oct-15 13:14:56

I'm surprised but I wouldn't be overly disconsolate about it - maybe he's the sort of person who 'hugs' personal matters close to his chest and doesn't want to face what would likely be a whole load of family questions and assumptions?

I would hope that it wouldn't go on for too much longer though because that can bring its own problems.

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