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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Leap year/women proposing to men

44 replies

JohnnyB123 · 11/10/2015 12:12

Why do people say "February the 29th on a leap year is the only day when women can propose to men" when they know full well that women can propose to men on any day they want? The people who quote this tradition don't usually really have anything against women who propose on a different day, so why do people keep quoting it?

I find it offensive that anyone would DARE tell women when they can and can't propose. I don't want to get married so I have no personal stake in this. It's the sexism of it that offends me.

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Therealyellowwiggle · 11/10/2015 12:16

It's not even February? I never hear anyone say this other than the odd filler item on This Morning. Though I proposed to my dh and I must admit this does still raise eyebrows amongst his friends.

LookAtMeGo · 11/10/2015 12:35

Because it's still seen as if the man has been emasculated if his gf proposes.

JohnnyB123 · 11/10/2015 12:35

What do his friends say then?

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tribpot · 11/10/2015 12:38

Yes - I think it's fine to say 'Feb 29th is the day traditionally thought of as the one where women propose to men' in the same way you could say of a Sadie Hawkins dance that traditionally it was the one where female high school students invited male ones.

However, now we live in modern times and, guess what, not only can women ask men to marry them, or to go to the prom, but ... stand by for this ... they can ask another woman to marry them or go to the prom.

If we assume the 29th Feb tradition relates to women proposing, rather than to whom they are proposing, it would still be highly inconvenient if lesbians could only propose one day in 1,461.

Good job this is just a stupid tradition and not the actual law (as the people who quote it seem to fail to realise).

JohnnyB123 · 11/10/2015 12:40

"Because it's still seen as if the man has been emasculated if his gf proposes."

I'm just amazed that people feel that way in this day and age. The sexual revolution happened 50 years ago. Shouldn't these "traditional views" be completely dead among people who came of age since then?

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JohnnyB123 · 11/10/2015 12:43

In reply to Tribpot: Well said! Though I expect that a lot of the people who quote the tradition don't mean it literally, i.e. they know it's just a tradition and not the law, but it still annoys me immensely when they say it.

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fastdaytears · 11/10/2015 12:47

Has anyone though? On February 29th or any other day.

The only person I know where the woman proposed, they never got married. So I want a happy story!

crossparsley · 11/10/2015 14:14

I did. On another day. 15 years married next month. DH was planning to, I jumped the gun, he says it was lovely that I did.

fastdaytears · 11/10/2015 14:26

Yay! How very lovely and congratulations for next month!

mudandmayhem01 · 11/10/2015 14:35

I proposed to my dh( not on29th Feb) He said yes obviously! Been together 20 years and married for 12. We were very happy, shared finances, baby on the way. He never asked me because I think he assumed as feminist i wouldn't like what marriage traditionally stood for and i had been critical about the amount of money that friend spent on weddings ( spending money they or their parents didn't have. In the end our wedding was lovely and a simple way of protecting both our rights financially and his rights as a father.

Joysmum · 11/10/2015 16:09

I proposed to my DH too, I'm not a patient person and did it after we had a big row and I looked at him thing 'you're such a wanker but I never want to be without you' so I proposed then and there. 22 years on and all is well

StuckByTheRiver · 11/10/2015 16:12

I proposed to my soon to be ex civil partner. We're both women though. Wasn't on February 29th either.
We are getting divorced though, so not exactly a happy ending story!

SionnachDana · 11/10/2015 16:14

I would if i wanted to know what / who to prioritise in my life.

If the man says no though, you must move on. I think if marriage is what you want, and you find out that that is not reciprocated, then don't stick around offering up your company on somebody else's terms.

Lordamighty · 11/10/2015 16:31

I proposed to my DH on Feb 29th x number of years ago, he said yes & we have been happily married for over 30 years now.

thecolourpink · 11/10/2015 18:35

I asked my dh to marry me 8 years ago but not in February! Still happily married!

Sighing · 11/10/2015 21:25

I did. Valentines, non leap, Milan, turned down. Found out a year later he was leading me on to cover up relationship with his best friend's wife. Great escape really.

SionnachDana · 11/10/2015 21:27

wow. Did you carry on going out with him after he turned you down? I hope that now when you look back on it you see yourself as pro-active. Fast forwarding a disaster that could have taken longer to play out

TrionicLettuce · 11/10/2015 21:30

Another one who proposed to her DH here (I was also the one who asked him out first) and not on February 29th either. We did get married and just had our 12th anniversary.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 11/10/2015 21:40

I proposed to my DP (not got round to getting married yet). It was a leap year but nowhere near 29th February. I only learned of the tradition later and thought it was a cute coincidence that I proposed in the 'right' year. Then again my proposal consisted of 'should we?' which got a response of 'hmm, yeah ok!'.

WaitingForMe · 11/10/2015 22:00

I proposed to my DH and people do raise eyebrows. Not so much in judgement as in surprise that there are women who do that.

PitilessYank · 11/10/2015 22:03

Hmmm, now I realize I must ask my sister if it was she or her wife who proposed marriage... Might have been them both!

JohnnyB123 · 12/10/2015 10:35

In reply to SmillasSenseOfSnow: Why did you find the coincidence cute? Why aren't you angry that there's a tradition that would dare tell women when they should and shouldn't propose?

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MrNoseybonk · 12/10/2015 11:00

How about the "tradition" of asking for the woman's father's hand in marriage?
Does this happen in same sex marriages?

ProbablyMe · 12/10/2015 11:05

I proposed to my DP in August. Guess I'm weird!! We had already talked about getting married and pretty much decided when but weren't actually engaged. I'm quite unconventional anyway so decided to just do it!! He has no problem with anyone knowing that I proposed to him.

JohnnyB123 · 12/10/2015 11:24

I also think the tradition of the father (or anyone else) "giving away" the bride is offensive. She's not anyone's possession. I wouldn't try to ban it, because they have a right to do that if they want. But I have a right to say I find it offensive.

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