Not sure how much to give here, but went completely no contact with family few years back, after some very hellish times/control/manipulation (that took me ages to realise) etc
Briefly as possible, left home at 15, had major issues - never knew why I was so miserable. Met and ended up in a very abusive relationship. Long story short, 'D'M was happier when I was unhappy. Took a long while to leave. Many problems.
Met wonderful DH some time after, and life is good now
'D'M wasn't happy. Lots of criticism, tried to stop us going out, but didn't succeed. Any achievements I had were played down, but in such a passive aggressive way you could never tell if it was truly nasty or not. Head screw. Any stately homes people out there will know what I mean.
It took a long time to realise how toxic they were, and this extended to other members. Being in a healthy relationship does wonders for highlighting the toxic ones.
The worst of it came about when the manipulation of our children was getting really nasty. It was almost like they were their children, not ours.
There's so much history, so much nastiness and jealousy/lies/shit stirring/back stabbing. Far too much! Suffice to say, going no contact was one of the best things I have ever done in my life.
Problem is, there is still contact their side. I changed my email address, but they use my work one. I feel like I can't go out as I don't want any confrontation (it's a small place - you always bump into someone). For ages I kept trips to a minimum, but then I got fed up. We took the DC's to the park, and lo and behold, after half and hour, my sister was there. Unbeknown to me, she took a picture of my DC's and sent them to my Narc parents. Which then came a postcard about how much they'd grown!
This isn't even the half of it as far as contact goes on their side.
I have had really awful dreams on and off since the break in contact from our side. Reliving rows, having new rows, really nasty, hurting me, criticising me, taking my DC's away from me, murdering me (yes, that one was especially nasty) things like that. They seem to come in cycles, and usually directly after contact or at a special event/time. I cannot for the life of me get these dreams to stop. I cannot wake up, I cannot change the dream. I go to bed happy, DH and I have lovely evenings, sometimes I read before bed to put happy thoughts in there, I do not think about them at all. But then the dreams come, and they seems to last all night. I don't feel rested at all, and I can't work out how to make them stop.
Has anyone had any experience of this? Going no contact, but still living extremely close by to all family members? Still receiving contact from narc members, and anyone else had bad dreams that you can't control because of this?
Obviously moving would be the answer, but there is no chance of that. Not only that, the DC's are in great schools, so we cannot disrupt their lives, just because I can't deal with the way things are.
Any ideas? x
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Relationships
No contact - nightmare family - still having bad dreams - any advice? (stately homes type thread)
CarrieLouise25 · 10/10/2015 18:53
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