Husband Thinks I'm Inadequate Sexually

lilactreewife9 · 2015-10-09 20:37:20

I'm not sure where to begin. I'm feeling rather lost and a bit broken. OH and I have been married for 5 years after meeting 7 years ago and although things seemed tough when we first settled down the past couple of years I've felt so much happier and we seemed a stronger couple, were getting on well and everything seemed great. Then in august I took him away for his 30th and he told me that he felt our marriage wasn't that great, he'd been addicted to porn for the past four years and wanted to stop that but the porn was because our sex life wasn't enough for him. He'd not talked about this before so I didn't really have any idea he felt this way. I know a lot of folk will say porn is ok and natural but I felt betrayed as he was talking to women over the internet and I don't agree with it. Over the course of our 5 years we have two sons, 4 1/2 and 20 months. I guess I felt that I've moved out of the first phase of exciting relationship into a more comfortable 5 years on stage. I do get tired from looking after two boys and have always tried to have sex with OH about 2-3 times a week and not turn him down (as he takes this as a personal rejection). But his issue is that I don't initiate it and have been boring about it. I can't help it, sleep is always a priority for me these days. But he's not made much time for me either, he is self employed and works long hours and apparently expects me to act like a porn star and be begging for sex when he walks through the door. I had two previous boyfriends and a couple of other encounters before I met him which weren't great which is he aware of, and now he believes that I was more sexually fun with these other guys than with him so he feels I'm holding back. He had two girlfriends and no time to 'sew his wild oats' so is regretting his monogamy I think. We've been having marriage counselling as he has a lot of other issues going on, but the underlying pin is he is miserable with what I offer him. I've tried being more sexy and initiating and making more effort and am now pregnant with our third baby which just makes me feel rubbish as I'm in the first trimester and have zero energy and constantly nauseous and he just wants me to be sexually experimentive which is too forced and I feel so awkward at the moment. I don't think I can go back to acting as I was 5 years ago which is what he wants. He says he loves me, but I'm not sure that's true at all as he doesn't love me as I am. I feel I've tried so hard and when he talks to me about it he starts accusing me of being more exciting with other men which I don't think I have been, I was just younger and more drunk and a different person back then. I can't go back to that now as a mother and a lot older. I don't know what to do or suggest any more. He's considered leaving us. He's utterly miserable and I just feel so much pressure is on me to make him happy and I'm failing at it.

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