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Relationships

should I end it? unforgiveable

32 replies

jessica3692 · 08/10/2015 21:36

We have an 8 month baby. Unmarried. I'm just getting fed up now. We've been together 4 years and I'm realising lately that I don't think he is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

today was my dads funeral. I left partner with baby. He handled things fairly well when I got back I guess. But then this evening he came into the bedroom ans said "my lizard is dead because of you, because you didn't turn the heated light on." Lizard wasn't dead and wasn't my fault about the lights but still blamed it on me and called me a lazy cunt.It was a misunderstanding about the lights. I called him into living room to discuss this and said I was upset with how he handled situation and he said are you done? I got upset and said sometimes I felt like yes we're getting somewhere and then suddenly I feel like you don't give a shit. He said no I don't and walked out the room. I have finally accepted my dads death and now I'm crying over my parter too! When my dad was in hospital he helped out by taking days off work to look after our baby but when I got home one night after I said my goodbyes to my dad he barely looked me in the eye and offered no hug. I even hinted that he should but no such luck. Ended up crying on phone to friend. Feel like I have no emotional support from him which I think is crucial in a relationship.

We've always been relaxed, had fun together and mostly I'm happy. He's always been impossible to talk to though. He will never row with me or express himself. Just shuts off and neglects me emotionally. Can be nasty and make me feel like he does not give a shit about me. It's just to me the bad times tip me over the edge. And even days he comes home from work, can't speak for being too tired (he works no more than the average man and his job is no more tiring than an average job I.e not a doctor for example) and when he's tired there is literally no speaking to him. It's like this several times a week and it gets me down. Sometimes I just feel we're too different but I accept it but what's happened since my dads passing to me seems unforgivable. Like wow he really does not give a shit. Should I end it?

and if I do then I'm a single mother and I can't believe I feel like this 8 months into my baby's life :,(

OP posts:
ICanSeeForMiles · 08/10/2015 21:39

Flowers
He is not a partner. He's a fucking cunt.
If this shows you anything, at your time of need, he's being a selfish prick and thinking only of himself, it's that you deserve much, much better.
Hugs, OP.

TempusEedjit · 08/10/2015 21:40

Could you honestly see yourself spending the rest on the life walking on eggshells and being stonewalled? If not then best to leave soon when it's least disruptive to your DD than later on when she understands a bit more.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/10/2015 21:43

I am so sorry for the loss of your father OP Flowers

I think he is showing his true colours - just what you need when bereaved

Flowers again for your dad and I am sorry he is doing this when you need so much more

Lizard - honestly Envy

MatildaTheCat · 08/10/2015 21:44

Flowers for you. So sorry about your dad.

Your 'D'P is a real treasure, isn't he? Called you a lazy cunt on the day of your father's funeral. You are right, he is emotionally unavailable and you are treading on eggshells all the time trying not to upset him. It's an awful time for you,meet support where you can and consider your options. Don't make any rash decisions, perhaps there are some redeeming features you haven't mentioned but I would be considering whether this man need to be in my life for much longer.

Take care.

CantAffordtoLive · 08/10/2015 21:53

This is not right, you know that.

Because of the circumstances, right now might not be the best time to make any major decisions. I know, having lost both of my parents. You need to get some support, RL friends, family, counselling especially. I found that very helpful when I lost a loved one. You need to think about what you want for your future.

Personally, I don't think that your 'D'P brings much (if anything) to your relationship and I would be making plans/arrangements to bring this relationship to an end.

Honestly, I would not treat an accquaintance, let alone a partner, so coldly.
And I am very sorry for your loss. Flowers

MrsP777x · 08/10/2015 21:56

Wow sweetheart I'm sorry. I know the feeling of losing your father very well. I lost mine when I was 10 to a tragic car accident. I could not imagine being here today without the support of my family.

Your DP sounds a right arsehole if you ask me. Why accept that kind of treatment? You deserve so much more than that. Kick the prick up the arse. If you need any support you can message me... Thanks

RivieraKid · 08/10/2015 22:11

I am so sorry for the loss of your father Flowers

But let's see:

suddenly I feel like you don't give a shit. He said no I don't and walked out the room

I totally saw that dialogue in LTR bereavement convos 101. Along with the words 'lazy cunt' - I mean, isn't that how you usually address someone whose parent has just died?

End it, he's a knobsprocket.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss, but don't you think you and DC would be happier long-term in a relationship where your OH doesn't act like bereavement is a personal inconvenience to him?

IAmABeachWave · 08/10/2015 22:12

Flowers very sorry about your dad and the funeral today.

The fact that he thinks that is acceptable behaviour today of all days, means he thinks he is on best behaviour and can behave worse when circumstances aren't what they are.

Have you got a friend you can call on tonight? I know I even at this time if a friend called on there day of her fathers funeral I would be there for them

Homely1 · 08/10/2015 22:18

Hugs to you. I'm really sorry to read about the loss of your father.

I'm sad to read about how your 'partner' has behaved....he's not a partner. Is there anyone who cares whose company you can be in during this trying time?

jessica3692 · 08/10/2015 22:25

Thank you for all your messages, I love the MN is active all hours! I have an amazing friend who I could call but I'm seeing her tomorrow so for now I'm watching desperate housewives whilst he sleeps. Yea he literally went to sleep after he walked out the room despite my sobbibg. I do deserve better than this. I am terrified of being on my own though. I know it's not reason to stay with someone for that though. I also hate that because he has good parts he will weaken my strong will to leave him but I need to keep telling myself that I'm only going round in circles with him if we continue.

OP posts:
MrsP777x · 08/10/2015 22:30

I wish I could come give you a proper cuddle Sad

Not only would I be seething, I would be packing his stuff and throwing it out the window. In what universe do you deserve this? How would he react if the shoe was on the other foot?

I know it's such a hard situation and one of the toughest times in your life, but you need support, not a wanker like him. Everyone has their good points, but he seriously lacks empathy and sympathy. His bad points definitely out weigh his good.

My thoughts are with you tonight xx

Kellyxxxx14 · 08/10/2015 22:30

I don't know what to say to you Hun to make you feel better Flowers
I lost my mum and know how hard it is and you need support not what he is giving you.
He sounds vile ..

Trooperslane · 08/10/2015 22:31

Read your own title/thread. So sorry, know how hard it is to bury a parent and you deserve better. XThanks

TPel · 08/10/2015 22:32

I'm sorry you have lost your DF.

As for being scared of being in your own, you are worse than on your own because you are living with a bastard. He doesn't have good points, he just reels back his normal service of fuckwittery to keep you sweet. He can't love, let alone like you, to treat you this way. Sorry to be harsh, but it is true. A decent man would be consoling you on this sad day, not swearing at you and leaving you sobbing.

Being alone and having peace of mind is so much better than this.

Trooperslane · 08/10/2015 22:37

I know it's scary to be on your own when you're not used to it, but burying a parent is when you need the most support and you don't need anyone dragging you down.

Sometimes you need the awful things to happen so that you realise what you're willing to put up with and what you want and what you will ditch.

I would be starting with him. Immature. He should be carrying you through this, literally.

Look after yourself.

goddersuk · 08/10/2015 22:39

turn his light off

CalleighDoodle · 08/10/2015 22:40

So sorry you have lost your dad.

This arsehole of a partner of yours is a nasty, awful waste of space. He didnt do you a fovour by looking after your daughter, that's the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM HE SHOULD HAVE DONE!!!!

IAmABeachWave · 08/10/2015 22:46

Today he has done you a favour in helping you leave. No matter how nice he might seem at sometimes / you'll doubt your resolve to leave/not want to be a single parent, you'll always remember how he was today and remember in a second you'll be able to leave him and be so much happier.

Greengardenpixie · 08/10/2015 23:09

He called you a cunt?????
Sounds a complete selfish bastard.
You know the answer.

Greengardenpixie · 08/10/2015 23:10

This is someone that is meant to love you, care for you be there for you especially now. If he can only think about himself then he is not worth having around.

AnyFucker · 08/10/2015 23:13

I hope him and his lizard will live happily ever after

Leave the bastard

Muckogy · 08/10/2015 23:14

you know what to do.
i know what you should do.
everyone else on here knows what you should do.
end it. immediately.

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ColdTeaAgain · 08/10/2015 23:29

Leave him asap. Don't waste anymore time on second chances. Honestly it will be the best decision you ever make.

You deserve better and what example would it show to your DC when they are older about how women should be treated by their partners if you stay with him.

He may have good sides to him but if he couldn't treat you better than that on the day of your dads funeral then his good side must be pretty small!

So sorry for your loss and am glad you can see your friend tomorrow Flowers

Robotgirl · 08/10/2015 23:43

Life's too short to put energy into this. Lizard-man sounds like a selfish bell-end. L to the T to the B.

HellonHeels · 08/10/2015 23:58

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Your partner is a disgrace. Please leave him he doesn't deserve you.

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