How can I stop being so suspicious?

[ICanSeeForMiles]

This isn't a recent thing, I can remember it happening right back through all my relationships.
I love my husband, and I know he loves me, but it's like I'm just waiting on him getting fed up with me, or finding someone better. I always feel suspicious to some extent, whether he's texting or working late, or makes some innocuous comments. FWIW, I don't think he's ever cheated on me, but I've been like this with EVERYONE.
We were watching Doctor Foster last night and over an hour he told me he loves me 3 times. Immediately I was suspicious, and asked if he was feeling guilty about having it off with someone else. He said of course not, it was just the kind of programme that makes you appreciate the good relationship that you have.
Don't get me wrong, I hide this VERY well and rarely bring it up, but it's always there in the back of my mind.
How can I stop? I'm starting to annoy myself now.

[Muckogy]

i think you may need some counselling.

[Viewofhedges]

Sounds like good advice. His comment last night sounds really lovely!
Might be a good idea if you tell him that you're thinking about going to have counselling because of this, so that he knows that you know you have a problem and want to do something about it, and that you don't actually, properly suspect him of doing anything wrong. It could be really difficult to live under constant suspicion! Do try and get some help before this becomes a really big and harmful issue.

[Shakey15000]

Counselling may help.

I also think, age sometimes is a help. As in when one reaches the age and realises that so many emotions are really not worth the angst and effort. Like jealousy, resentment, suspicion, all those types of feelings. Because I have found that the saying "The older you get, the more funerals you attend" is really bloody true. And it makes you realise that we're only here once, never know when we're going to pop off so it's far easier to get on with things and not waste time on negative emotions. It's a cliché I know but ultimately true.

[Vix270781]

Watching this with extreme interest, I am exactly the same. Simply stems from being cheated on many times by my two exes with the SAME WOMAN. I kid you not. This woman used to be a friend. I am now six months into a new relationship with a gorgeous, kind and loyal guy, however the suspicion is always there at the back of my mind. I know how you feel, OP. I have no wise words other than to seriously consider counselling, I know I am. It is hard.

[ICanSeeForMiles]

Oh Vix it's not a good way to live is it?
My parents have a great relationship, if anything I would probably put it down to my first relationship (which lasted 9 years) from when I was a teenager. He cheated on me (ONS) but later on, rather than breaking up when he wanted to finish it, told me that I was useless, and that I'd never find anyone that wanted me. I suppose I never really trusted him after that affair, and I was still only a teenager, therefore impressionable. Thankfully I did have the strength to leave, but I've never had that implicit level of trust since.
Maybe I should look into counselling, this isn't going to go away by itself, is it
I really don't want to fuck up the relationship I have, I suppose I thought (wishful thinking) that someone could give me the magic way to get over it myself.

[JellyBean31]

It could be really difficult to live under constant suspicion! I can tell you from experience it is horrendous to live under constant suspicion and it is ultimately what led to my marriage breakdown.

Only difference was my stbxh would acknowledge how irrational he was!

[Vix270781]

Oh my god icanseeformiles, your ex sounds verrrry much like my last ex. Vile vile spiteful man. And to think we used to think they were the bees knees. . I really think we both would benefit from counselling... Because like fuck am I going to let what those twats did ruin my new relationship!!

[ICanSeeForMiles]

jellybean my dh doesn't live under constant suspicion, that he knows of.
I keep all of this inside, and have done for years. It's very rare that I actually voice what I am thinking.
Vix here's to us, and our future internal calm and happy relationships

[Vix270781]

Very well said icanseeformiles, . Good luck! X