Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am I Expecting Too Much?

(15 Posts)
Littleone27 Tue 06-Oct-15 22:06:25

Been with my partner for 9 years we have one child together, he is my best friend & I do still fancy him. I just worry sometimes that I should want to be constaly fancying him, wanting sex etc I suppose how you see on the tv sometimes. I jusg wondered if anyone else worries they should be.expecting more of themselves/relationship & feel bad because they dont actuallt feel.like they have butterflies everhtime they look at thejr partners and want to "jump their bones all the time" haha x

pocketsaviour Tue 06-Oct-15 22:38:47

The butterflies thing usually wears off in about 3 months, in my experience.

If you are still having mutually-enjoyable sex then I'm not really seeing a problem here.

If you want the butterfly thing then either introduce some kink or seek a new partner. Or perhaps you could give yourself a minor electrical shock before your DH walks through the door, that should get things buzzing grin

Disclaimer: don't actually electrocute yourself, it's dangerous.

ILiveAtTheBeach Tue 06-Oct-15 22:47:50

Much as I don't want to disagree again with Pocketsaviour (3 months? WTF Really?!), yep I do think this is a bit odd. I have been with my DH for 7 years and I still cannot get enough of him. I still get the whole butterflies thing. I fancy the pants of him tbh. He is 6 foot 3, broad shoulders, dark and handsome and a Police Officer. The other day, he came back home mid shift as he'd forgotten something, and as he walked down the path in his full uniform and weapons kit I almost had a heart attack! (He goes to work in plain clothes, so I rarely see him in his kit). Smiled all day long and had lots of butterflies! If you're not feeling it, maybe you should think about moving on? I do not say that lightly. My DH is my 2nd. It was a hard and long road to leave 1st DH. Counselling? x

Pullingpants Tue 06-Oct-15 22:52:16

I don't think you need to fancy your other half constantly. If the sex is good, and loving, and you get on most of the time, then all is well IMHO.

pocketsaviour Wed 07-Oct-15 00:01:39

Beach is in a sexless marriage, so I'd take her opinion with a grain of salt TBH.

StarkyTheDirewolf Wed 07-Oct-15 00:04:51

I love my DH to bits, he is wonderful. I don't fancy him all the time, sometimes I could cheerfully murder him as he slept. But for the most part. I think he's gorgeous and I fancy him. Not constantly though. When I'm pms-ing, if he squeezes my tit appreciatively its like unleashing the cracken. I can turn into a harpie-medusa hybrid. As long as you still have (as a pp said) mutually good sex and you're happy, all is right with the world.

holeinmyheart Wed 07-Oct-15 00:25:23

I have been married for over 40 years, and today, when we were driving home I fancied my DH so violently that I would have liked to stop the car, rip his clothes off and jump on him.

However, there have been patches when we have had ill children, or work has been stressful or one of us has been ill, when I felt nothing much. I just felt life was mundane.
Married life goes up and down. Sometimes my Dh has fancied me like mad and some times it was the other way around. The best times are when we have both fancied each other. I also still get butterflies when I see his dear face.

I consider myself to be happily married, but it is is crazy to think you are going to spend 50 years together feeling as though you are plugged into the electricity. You would be worn out after a week.
That is fantasy.

StarkyTheDirewolf Wed 07-Oct-15 01:00:13

I lovelove how you put that holeinmyheart you made me smile. Thank you smile

Canyouforgiveher Wed 07-Oct-15 01:12:03

*I consider myself to be happily married, but it is is crazy to think you are going to spend 50 years together feeling as though you are plugged into the electricity. You would be worn out after a week.
That is fantasy.*

couldn't put it better. I love my husband and he is in better shape now than he was when I married him (I'm not but he thinks I am) but honestly, if I had a heart attack everytime I saw him looking good in a suit, I'd be exhausted. every now and then I do see him when we are out and I think "god if I didn't have him, I'd wish I had him" but in general we love each other, and are affectionate with each other and have great sex but don't live with butterflies and electricity and tingling and wanting to jump him all day long - just sometimes.

The thing about the constant electricity of new sexual attraction and falling in love is that it is all consuming and designed to get you connected to one person. Then it dims a bit so you can actually live a life and do other things - but still pops up again at the right times - bit like a dimmer switch. If we all were with people who we were full on electricity turned on by all the time, how on earth would the rest of life get done?

ILiveAtTheBeach Wed 07-Oct-15 23:10:50

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnotherEmma Wed 07-Oct-15 23:20:42

ILiveAtTheBeach I have reported your post. I hope it's deleted soon.

ILiveAtTheBeach Wed 07-Oct-15 23:36:41

Er and why?

AnotherEmma Wed 07-Oct-15 23:44:45

Read the talk guidelines. There will be a link in the deletion message, but why not get ahead and look them up now smile

holeinmyheart Thu 08-Oct-15 13:23:01

* iliveatthe beach*, your post will be deleted because it is unkind. We are supposed to be helping the post with our positive experiences, not slagging each other off. Name calling is really a form of bullying, n'est Pas ?

It is fine to disagree with others and put another point of view, but it has to be written in the gentlest and most assertive manner on MN.

Aggressive is... ' F 'off you wanker etc.

Assertive is.... 'I hear what you are saying but sadly I have to disagree because I have a different idea'

Aggressive behaviour will lose friends and alienate people.

Assertive behaviour will annoy, but ultimately command respect!
IMO, yours patronisingly, HIMH

pocketsaviour Thu 08-Oct-15 16:47:46

I assume it was aimed at me. grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now