absolutely heartbroken

[devasted]

Dont know where to begin, i have been reading these threads for a long time but it hasnt been until tonight that i found the strength to join and post. My husband of five years i found out tonight as been cheating on me - all he will admit to is sending explicit texts and photos but im sure there is more. I had a job to get him to admit that. We have two young children together.
And what pisses me off the most is that we were going through a difficult time a year ago (not that that excuses it) and he did the same then different place of work but a work colleague and i gave him one chance and its been a shitty fucking year with my emotions all over the place as to whether we could survive this and he is back at it again.
Ive told him theres no more chances, that we are done as i know now that he would just keep doing it he couldnt stay faithful to me.
I just need some advice and support.

[Http]

So sorry .

[VimFuego101]

Sorry OP. Do you have any real life support?

[MatrixReloaded]

I'm sorry Op. I'm familiar with the shock and pain this causes.

[RedMapleLeaf]

Hold on to the fact that this shock and pain is a phase. It won't last forever.

[lookingforlight]

OP

I'm in a sumilar boat. 2 young darling DC's and about a month ago it was like a grenade exploding.

This is what I will say. As with everything else in life, this too shall pass. You WILL get through this and you will be more than ok. This will be a change for your DC's but so long as they see you being ok they too will be ok.

Everything is going to be more than ok. Is there any RL support network you have around you to help you through this?

[hellsbellsmelons]

I saw this today and it rings so true for you:-

The more chances you give someone
The less respect they’ll start to have for you.
They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set
Because they’ll know another chance will always be given.
They’re not afraid to lose you because
They know, no matter what, you won’t walk away.
They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness.
Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

It is a horrible situation to be in. You give someone another chance and they throw it back in your face.
Get yourself some space.
Make sure you look after yourself.
Don't keep his dirty secrets.
Get some RL support.
Get to a solicitor to see where you stand with benefits, assets and CM, etc...
But most important, take it 1 bit a time and take it all at YOUR pace.

[devasted]

Thanks for the replies...sorry for delay had a terrible nights sleep, he slept on the sofa and continued to message her telling her he wanted to meet and his marriage was over etc. I cant believe all we have together he is throwing away for this. And he says he still loves me even though i have said that if he did really love me then he would be staying faithful. I dont even trust the shit that comes out of his mouth anymore - as in he reckons nothing physical has happened which doesnt really matter as its the second time now and there will be no more chances for him to do this to me again.

In rl i have my parents who live about 25miles away and dont drive both in ill health, and there is no room for me to move in with them but am thinking of moving back closer to be with them as renting is cheaper there and i dont want to stay around here too many painful memories. I have no rl friends to confide in. My sis is quite near (20min car journey) but she has alot on her plate right now so i cant really even speak to her about it .

Just feel i have been lied to for the entire time of our relationship and i feel sorry for our kids as they didnt deserve this.

[MatildaTheCat]

So sorry. Just want to say that if you were my sister or daughter I would be very sad if you didn't talk to me for fear of being a burden.

Best wishes.

[ChilledAndPleasant]

So sorry to hear this.

I agree that if I were your sister or parents,I would want to be there as an ear to bend, at the very least, even if I had a lot going on.

Make sure you have access to financial information etc. so that if you are making a split you have that to hand.

[devasted]

Thanks everyone for the replies. My mum has been a good listener and i have spoken to her at great length will try and ring my sister tonight and let her know whats going on. Hellsbells yes that does sound very true in my case. He has disrespected me massively by walking all over me. I always said after last time that there would be no more chances should it happen again and i have stuck to that. I have told him its over. Dont think he believes for one second i will actually leave but i will. I know i have to because there is no marriage left to save, and i dont want my kids growing up thinking that its normal.

I have all my docs like birth certs etc safe. I will hunt for his payslips thursday whilst he is in work and take copies so that if he tries saying different to cma i have some proof. The house is in his name (complicated dont want to say why as it might out me to people in rl. But basically he bought it before we were together. And any equity would go to pay things off that are outstanding after mortgage so there would be poss 1-2k left over and tbh its not worth the hassle.

I dont want to stay living in this house anyway couldnt afford it on my own and it would be a constant reminder of all thats happened.

[Starkswillriseagain]

Oh OP I'm sorry. Grab all the evidence you can. He is a total utter cunt.

[Lotsofponies]

I am so sorry, your stbxh is a complete twunt. You sound remarkably together, keep strong and come on here to vent. He threw away his chance, now he will suffer the consequences.

[devasted]

Apologies for delay in updating....it keeps getting better and better the ow has now got back with her partner and so has 'dumped' for want of a better word my stbxh so what does he do? He signs up for online dating! Barely a couple of days after the bombshell of me finding out! And he wants the split to be amicable of course yet wont fuck off because and i quote 'he has nowhere to go' and i said to him well how can it be amicable when our marriage ended barely three days ago and you keep rubbing my face in it! I said why couldnt you wait until i had moved out for gods sake? Funnily enough he couldnt answer that yet he did say he was thinking of me when he was signing up for it and that he is always thinking of me! Wtf?

I know i need to detach from it and i have told myself im not going to snoop anymore as when i did last time it got a bit heated and physical. Anything more i would find that was written about me or his other likely infidelities would only break my heart further. And i dont want to torture myself further my heart is breaking enough.

But what i keep wondering is how you can be with someone for six and a half years and realise that you never really knew them even though you thought you did. Because the way he is acting now is so detached, emotionless and cold that i cant see the man i married in him.

And i know i have to stay strong for our kids because they need me and im likely to be the only stable thing in their life because if his current actions are anything to go by then i dont think he is going to bother much with them.

[Elendon]

What you have gone through is horrendous, and well done for two strikes and you're out. You will be propelled by this thought in going into your future.

I have to add though, heaven help the poor woman he hooks up to via online dating.

[tribpot]

Get yourself to a solicitor - don't agree to move out or to a poor split of the assets until you've taken advice. And harden your heart - I suspect he is going to be as appalling as possible to try and force you out before you've got a fair settlement. A better response to the news he has signed up for online dating is 'I must give that a try myself sometime' said casually. And then pointing out you are co-parenting as separated individuals now so he's no need to share this information with you.

He is a shitbag of the highest order.

[Smorgasboard]

get a valuation of the house and find out what the mortgage is, don't assume there is no money in it. Don't forget his pension either - 5 years is still something in the future. Most importantly, get to a solicitor, know your rights before you act further. Focus on future child provision, it's the least he has to do.