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Those who are seperated but not divorced

(34 Posts)
isthismylifenow Mon 05-Oct-15 08:13:43

Do you still wear your ring?

Handywoman Mon 05-Oct-15 08:27:24

Oh good lord no. Took it off when I slung him out of my home.

But then every situation is different.

magiccatlitter Mon 05-Oct-15 08:36:03

No, never did really wear them as rings make my fingers itch.

Northumberlandlass Mon 05-Oct-15 08:40:38

Heavens no - In my mind, I am not married anymore! Why would you?
What is the back story though?

TheyCallMeBell Mon 05-Oct-15 08:43:23

I didn't, no. I took it off the day we split and I never looked at it again. I don't understand why anyone would still wear a ring when separated, unless they hoped for a reconciliation.

SourceofInformation Mon 05-Oct-15 08:44:42

I can't think why anyone would? Maybe switch hands if they're particularly lovely/expensive rings?

sarsiem Mon 05-Oct-15 08:53:33

Took mine off the day he finally admitted his affair. I wear a CZ ring now as I missed having a ring on that finger. I didn't realise how much I fiddled with my rings all the time so it helps wearing a different ring. SIL upset me just yesterday by asking why I don't wear my engagement ring anymore because it's so pretty???!!! Talk about lack of tact. Mind boggling.

Sansoora Mon 05-Oct-15 08:53:39

I still wear my ring but have no desire whatsoever for a reconcilliation. Its a nice ring, has been there for 40 years not doing any harm, and I dont feel the need to take it off.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Mon 05-Oct-15 09:07:02

Husband 1 demanded mine back as they were expensive. I wasn't keeping them unless I stayed. Worth it to let him have them so no, didn't wear them. Husband 2 I took it off when we were having problems and just never put it back on. Wear a pretty silver ring now DP gave me as the finger felt empty.

isthismylifenow Mon 05-Oct-15 09:26:34

Yes there is a backstory Northumberlandgirl

here

He is looking for elsewhere to live this week. There is no ow, marriage is just stale. he says The dc don't know yet and I don't want to say anything until he has actually got the place and about to move. So I cant take off rings until then.

But, they are just falling off my fingers now, what with losing weight with the stress.

I am putting too much thought into this, aren't I?

Madlizzy Mon 05-Oct-15 09:52:16

Mine came off as soon as the decision was made.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 05-Oct-15 09:55:16

No. But I do sometimes wear my engagement ring on my right hand as a dress ring because I love it.

I asked my exH if he minded and he was delighted on the basis that it cost a fortune and it's getting some wear. (We are on very good terms though!)

Sighing Mon 05-Oct-15 11:58:17

If they're falling off with weight loss it is best to remove them as they can get lost (i lost an ering that way). One day you might want them (to sell, pass on, wear).

Northumberlandlass Tue 06-Oct-15 08:30:45

Hi -sorry, have been crazy busy at work.
I ended my marriage in the New Year (NY eve) it had been over for years really, there wasn't an OM - it was the hardest decision I've ever made.

ExH flipped & I ended up having to tell DS on New Years Eve by myself. I know it's different as it was my choice, but I kept my rings on until ExH took his off, I don't know why really.

isthismylifenow Tue 06-Oct-15 08:59:37

Hi Northumberland, sorry to hear that. I think we are in quite similar situations. It is hard, if there was evidence of another person then one was it might make it easier. He says there is no-one else and as everything has now been laid out on the table, I do think that if there was a ow he would have said so.

Telling the dc at the right time is very hard for me right now. I don't want to do it before he goes (as we don't know when that will be, its a bit complicated) and I am trying to put on a brave face in front of them. How old are your dc?

He has never worn his ring, took it off the year we were married....

MarkRuffaloCrumble Tue 06-Oct-15 09:08:48

I took mine off once XH moved out, as for me it was symbolic. My finger felt vey bare and was shrunken after 14 years of being constricted! (4 years later it is still smaller than my right one). My current DP bought me a beautiful ring which fits on my right hand, except in the mornings when my fingers are swollen so I wear that on my left hand for half the day. It feels more natural on that hand than the right bugger better propose!

I don't think your DCs will notice tbh, but wear it as long as you are comfortable, nobody else gets to dictate when you take it off.

Also, I'm sorry, but it's VERY unlikely that there isn't an OW unless your marriage is terrible. Very few men bail without somewhere else to go first and they barely ever admit to it. I'm not saying this to be hurtful, just because you can't move on if you don't know what the problem is and you think it can be fixed. I know of 2 men in my family who have both sworn blind there is nobody else, but within a few weeks have 'met' the love of their life and moved in together. Turns out it is someone they knew all along, but definitely didn't have an affair with hmm

Shutthatdoor Tue 06-Oct-15 09:15:58

Also, I'm sorry, but it's VERY unlikely that there isn't an OW unless your marriage is terrible

Some marriages are terrible and some marriages do just go stale. It isn't an automatic default that there is an OW no matter how many people think there 'always' is wink

Northumberlandlass Tue 06-Oct-15 10:22:48

DS is 12 now, so 11 when I told him. Awful awful awful. He lashed out physically - I told him it was my decision. He sobbed and screamed at me that I was breaking his world (he is quite dramatic), but he talked to his Dad, we carried on. I told him 'age appropriate' truth - 10 months on and we're ok. DS sees his Dad regularly, not quite 50/50 because he works shifts and we are civil to each other.

It will be difficult to tell the kids when you don't know when he is leaving, I was lucky or unlucky (however you look at it) that he walked out that day and never came back.

What sort of time frame are you looking at for him to leave? weeks or months?

lookingforlight Tue 06-Oct-15 13:47:12

My rings came off the minute I knew it was over.
Felt liberated and free. Have zero intention of ever wearing another ring on that finger ever again!

isthismylifenow Tue 06-Oct-15 14:20:32

*It will be difficult to tell the kids when you don't know when he is leaving, I was lucky or unlucky (however you look at it) that he walked out that day and never came back.

What sort of time frame are you looking at for him to leave? weeks or months?*

Argh its so difficult North, not sure - could be weeks but due to other factors it could be more. I am definitely in limbo at the moment. My dd has picked up on things, every single day she asks me what's wrong....

I hope that your ds is okay now, I think that it better to rather live in a single happy household than in an unhappy one with both parents....

sugar21 Tue 06-Oct-15 14:23:59

No I sold mine and got £50 for it angry

JellyBean31 Tue 06-Oct-15 14:30:24

I used to take my rings off periodically when we were together as when he was kicking off his rings on my finger felt like his hands round my throat (not that he ever put his hands round my throat).

Took them off for good the day I told him it was over.

I have still got them but do want to hand the engagement ring back at some point as it was originally his DMs, we only have boys but SILs have daughters and they might want their DGMs ring

Itisbetternow Tue 06-Oct-15 15:25:37

Took mine off when he went straight to live with OW. I wear my engagement ring on my other hand as it was also my mums so have memories. I have no idea where the wedding ring is. Kids have never said anything to me.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Tue 06-Oct-15 16:00:39

I have been separated for two years but we have had to live in the same house for financial reasons.H is soon to move out. I have only just taken my rings off and he has now taken his off as well. It just felt the right time as things are now moving on. Although the split is the right thing for both of us I still felt quite sad taking my rings off-It felt quite symbolic I guess.

Georgethesecond Tue 06-Oct-15 16:09:37

I still wear mine when I am out of the house. I never used to take off the wedding band but now I take it off when I take the other one off (washing, cooking, bed...) He doesn't wear his wedding band any more, it was on his key ring for a while but I don't know if it still is. I suspect not.

My eternity ring is really really expensive and lovely. I have no wish to get involved with anyone else and I kind of feel the rings are a camouflage. I expect it will change with time. Probably I will take off the plain wedding band at some stage but keep the lovely diamonds. Also I don't hate STBX but feel kind of sorry for him, which I suppose makes a difference.

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