He wants me to get thin

[peacefullake05]

I have a relationship with this guy. He is quite overweight himself but wants me to get slim or he won't marry or have kids with me. Apparently because an "obese" woman won't have a healthy kid. I am not that huge. I am 5'7'' and around 250 pounds.
I have been wanting to tell him how comes nature prevents an underweight woman from conceiving a child by not making her have a period, but an obese woman happily keeps having periods? I honestly think he has a deep hatred for fat and he kind of takes out his frustration on me. He gets annoyed if I try to say that I am fat but healthy. I know for a fact as my blood tests came back perfect more than once. He says I am fat so I can't be healthy. He says fat women want hunky guys but anyway, he is not that different. He wants a hot, slim girl just as much. Mind you, my ex was overweight, so not like I am a shallow fatty.

I've been dieting for a few months and lost around 40 pounds, but still have more to lose. He had started a diet but quit out of frustration after around a month I think. He has said he has gained a ton back. I've never pressured him into losing weight. Always told him he looks handsome to me, even if he's not slim. Can't say the same about him.
He told me a few times I'm pretty but always points out I need to lose a ton of weight and even went as far as telling me that if we got married and I didn't lose the weight, he'd divorce me. He says he won't have kids me because if I had them at my current size, I would just balloon up and he wouldn't be happy.
The thing is he knew I wasn't slim from the start but came out with his views about weight quite a while into the relationship and I felt kind of misled. I have wanted to lose weight for myself, but at the same time I want someone to accept me how I am. I don't want someone who will love me as long as I don't put on some weight. That's not how I perceive love. Also, I could accept all this hassling me about weight if he was in shape, but he's not.
He keeps telling me he doesn't think I will lose it all and this upsets him. Well, as far as I know I am not the one who quiet the diet and got even fatter. I am slimmer than I was a few months ago. I didn't lose as much as I should have, but still.

Am I right in feeling like he's being a right jerk about this?

[LemonPied]

He sounds like a fucking knob head. I'd be out like a shot if I were you.

[DiscoGoGo]

Well yes you could probably do with losing some weight but that's down to you.

The way he goes on about it is all wrong and would piss me off no end.

How long have you been together? Is he nice at all? He sounds not at all nice to me. There is a difference between encouraging someone to lose weight and saying the sort of stuff he's saying.

[dementedpixie]

Yes he's an arsehole and you'd be better off without him

[HermioneWeasley]

Why on earth are you with him?

[StickyProblem]

He sounds rude, hypocritical, misogynist, and not that into you. He will NEVER shut up about this from the sound of it.

Lose 18 stone instantly by ditching him.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

Oh please let me-I know how you can lose a significant amount of ugly fat immediately.
Ditch the cockwomble now.

[peacefullake05]

We have been serious since the start of the year. Well he has said I am a gem and things like that all referred to my personality. He did say I am pretty.

I want to lose weight. I mean, I wanna get thin for myself; but the way he goes on about it makes me want to stay fat out of spite... don't know if that makes sense. I would want him to say that he wants me even if I am not slim, that I am beautiful how I am but would be more if I was a healthy weight. That's not hoe he puts it.

The double standard also pisses me off big time. I have been on the verge of telling him to his face about how he should look in the mirror first, but bit my tongue.

[mrstweefromtweesville]

Do NOT marry this man. Run like the wind. You MUST get away from this loser who thinks he can dictate your body shape. If you marry him you are volunteering for a lifetime of being the victim of his nastiness.

[pointythings]

You're doing the right thing losing the weight, but it sounds as if you are already on the track to success. You will do better without this shallow dick in your life - focus on getting healthy and fit and happy, not thin, and meet the kind of man you really deserve.

[Boosiehs]

Tell him to fuck off. You clearly deserve better!

[OhFuckWhatHaveIDone]

Sorry, I'm going to be 'that' person. Yes he's an utter twat.

However, I'm not sure why obese is in quotation marks. At 5'7 and 250 lbs, you are a whisker away from morbidly obese. So yes, you are very much 'obese'.

It's great that you've lost some weight and great that you're continuing. Don't let the arsehole (whether you see that as your partner or me, the killjoy on the internet) get in the way of that.

[peacefullake05]

You know what these types say... "I am just being honest"... so you have to accept their rudeness/bluntness because they're being honest. I have to be grateful because do I prefer to be told lies?"

There are ways to say things without being a jerk.

[OhFuckWhatHaveIDone]

By the way, I reached my heaviest ever earlier this year and my DP breathed not a single word about it to me. If I ever mentioned it myself, he was honest but kind and supportive.

[peacefullake05]

Oh I know I need to lose a lot of weight and that I am technically obese. I have never questioned that and never wanted him to be into fat.

I just think he is a hypocrite and insensitive when it comes to this.

[summerwinterton]

He isn't being honest, he is being a prick

don't marry or have a child with this man. Run like the wind. He doesn't treat you like a gem.

You should never be grateful for someone's nastiness.

I wonder why you think he is all you deserve?

[pocketsaviour]

I have been on the verge of telling him to his face about how he should look in the mirror first, but bit my tongue.

Why did you bite your tongue? He doesn't.

This fool needs dumping, tout suite. I would suggest that since you've been "serious" he has decided to stop making an effort to conceal his nasty personality and is now allowing it to shine through in all its unlovely, hypocritical glory.

You know what you need to do, right?

[tribpot]

So if he's "just being honest", why do you feel you can "just be honest" back and point out he's a flabby fucker who can't stick to a diet. Use those exact words, since you're "just being honest". That should help to motivate him to want to lose weight for fear that you will leave him if he doesn't. It's what he expects of you, after all.

Why would you want to be with someone who respects you so little?

[Pigeonpost]

Get rid. He is a fuckwit. Relationships don't work like that. Get out before you get in any deeper.

[AdoraBell]

How much does he weigh OP?

That is How much weight you need To lose quickly.

Anything moré should be lost slowly and for yourself, if you want To lose weight.

[PurpleDaisies]

At what weight will he deign to marry you or have a baby with you? It sounds to me like he's stringing you along and there will always be something to stop him committing.

[AuntieStella]

If you are not happy with him, you do not have to stay with him.

But for the sake of your health, you do need to think about your weight. 5ft7 and 250lbs isn't 'technically' obese - it's a BMI of nearly 40. So, as a stranger, I'll say that you need to diet for you. And one set of blood tests isn't an all-clear that you are healthy at that weight, it only shows that at the time they were done, there was nothing acutely wrong with the selection of tests they ran. You've already lost 40lbs - well done! I hope you keep it up - with you doing it for you.

Your DP is however obviously not a stranger. Tactful support has not been forthcoming so far and there's zero reason to think there will be in the future. Think his comments about weight gain being a divorce matter speak volumes. As do those about how you'll never do it - that's just plain nasty, because your brilliant losses so far show you can.

[peacefullake05]

Lately I have been considering getting out of this relationship because his attitude really puts me off.
He has done the same with other things as well... coming out and telling me only after we got serious and I was already too involved to be able to get out.

Yes, I should be a b*tch back to him and hassle him about the weight as well, making him feel cr@p like he does with me. I chose to be supportive and also I genuinely don't care about him not being athletic and all so I have never pestered him about diets etc.

He has told me many times I should find a guy who doesn't make me feel bad about the weight. He has admitted he might sound like an arse when he says that but he can't help it. I think I am still sticking around because I want to change this. It's kind of typical for us women I guess. I also don't get how he would let me go when he says I am a gem only because I don't look hot body-wise like the celebrities he drools over.

[DiscoGoGo]

So serious 10 months or so, no kids, not married?

I know what I'd do.

Life's too short to spend it with someone who, to be quite frank, doesn't sound like he actually likes you very much. Or maybe he's a pig to everyone.

Meh. Dump him.

[PurpleDaisies]

he has done the same with other things as well... coming out and telling me only after we got serious and I was already too involved to be able to get out

What sort of things and what makes you think you can't get out of this relationship?

[lavenderhoney]

He sounds a peach. Not. And he seems to think you're with him solely for the great prize of marrying him and having his DC. not to mention putting up with his moaning and unrealistic demands for the rest of your life.

Agree with other posters to release him back into the wild.

He'll never change. You could transform yourself into a size 6 and he would still find something to keep you down. And he'd probably accuse you of having affairs too, and all sorts of shit, until you're scared to go out or catch someone's eye.

Why do you care so much what this man thinks? He is horrible to you and makes you unhappy.