Anyone Else Have The Answer For Me?

[TurnBackTime25]

I have posted various posts on here over the years. Cut a long story short, after returning from maternity leave after having my son over 4 years ago I began an affair with a collegue (no sex) everytime I met him I felt awful for it but didnt stop until one day like a slap in the face I realised what an idiot I had been & stopped all contact. After the advice of parents, friends,councellors they all told me not to tell my partner! Something which I regret. I lived with anxiety all the time but more so if he suggested doing something as a couple,last year whilst on holiday I told him the truth, he completely forgave me but to this day I dont forgive myself & I dont know why. In July I found out I was pregnant & we decided to have a termination as I felt so anxious from the moment I found out & thiught if I get anxious about going bloodh abroad with him.or a night ojt its not right to have another child (such a shame as its all ive ever wanted & enjoyed is being a mum) anyway we have been living seperate since & are not together anymore but are still sleeping together, we went ojt together a few weeks ago for drinks, i couldnt relax all day, so anxious but when I was out I was fine (obv the drink helped) we weere supposed to be going away this Friday & now ive cancelled as I feel too anxious,so pathrtic I know. Im currently coming off my citalapram & cried last night for the first time in weeks as he text to sah it will never work if I keep being like this. Does anyone else know why I am being such a kn*b or experience anuthkng like it? I dont know why I cant forgive myself !!

[LadyBlaBlah]

Why do you feel you have to pursue this relationship?

Sometimes things end.

[InTheBox]

Why are you coming off the citalopram? It doesn't sound as if you should considering you are still feeling high levels of anxiety.
Is this one of those situations in which your logical mind knows it's time to walk away but your feelings say otherwise?