Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How to deal with parents who disagree with choice of partner?

(5 Posts)
Ellie891 Mon 28-Sep-15 15:38:01

My parents are being such a nightmare about my new partner!

As i still live at home, it is a little bit harder to avoid their digs.

I am 25 years old and my partner is 20 years old. (male)

My dad is very traditional and seems to think this will not work. I have heard several comments from my dad including the following:

' why is he not out doing studenty things?'

'you have a biological ticking clock- why don't you use it?'

' you're going to get heartbroken, he's not ready to settle down to one woman'

'whilst you're with him, your wasting your time, when you could be out finding a husband'

'you're at different stages of your lives, you will be looking at buying a house and having children in the next 5 years, he won't be)

He also made a comment about how he is good looking therefore; will probably leave me for a younger woman in the future (OUCH!!!!!!) (WTF!!!)

He also went on a bit of a rant, about my mothers friend who has a partner 10 years younger and how she is also asking for heart break (as far as i can see, they are very happy!)

It's making it really difficult for me and I feel very uncomfortable discussing it because i can't be bothered with the sly digs.

I personally do not have a problem with the age gap, the only thing that slightly concerns me is the fact he is not guaranteed to find a job in the location we are currently living in after graduation and he is considering doing a masters at a different university.

The most irritating thing, is the fact my brother has a girlfriend who is 4 years younger, but because it is the other way round, it is seemed as a 'perfect' age gap grrr. My father also seems to jump the gun a bit and is already talking about the potential of them getting married and having children. (my brother is 27 and they have been together 1 year) this makes me a little bit bitter, the fact he can't be happy for me also, as awful as that sounds!!)

Does anyone have any advice how to handle my parents? I find myself lying to avoid the hassle, when i go to see him, but i know this is not the right approach! (i also feel like a naughty teenager!) I know they are only thinking of what's best for me and obviously they are very over protective, however it is really beginning to cause me some stress!

Thank you smile

pocketsaviour Mon 28-Sep-15 15:42:13

Your dad sounds like a reactionary twat, sorry.

What would happen if you said "Thanks for sharing your opinion with me. I'll give it all the consideration it deserves." ?

Why are you still at home and not in your own place? Is that feasible for you now?

Ellie891 Mon 28-Sep-15 15:50:33

I have only been out of education for one year- I can't currently afford to live on my own unfortunately! I am lucky in the fact I pay no rent, so currently saving for the opportunity to move out.

Dismalfuckers Mon 28-Sep-15 15:55:47

Don't lie to them and sneak around, tempting as it is to keep the peace.

Be honest, but don't enter into discussions with your parents about it. You are an adult, it has nothing to do with them who you date.

If you lie it will put extra pressure on your relationship and it will make life miserable and stressful.

Oh, and keep saving, and be prepared to consider a move even if it's not ideal but would give you independence.

DoYouRememberMe Mon 28-Sep-15 16:02:25

In response to the next comment from your dad:
"Oh I know, dad, I do need to think about that but he's absolutely amazing in bed so, for now, I'll just keep on trucking" smile
HTH

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now