Am I being nasty?

[abouttosnap]

I have a 2 year old son and a 6 month old baby so as you can imagine I'm pretty busy!

DH's sister lives a few doors away from us, she is a single parent to 7 year old twins. DH's mother lives a few streets away.

So anyway DH's sister decided to get a job which is great, apart from the fact that she never sorted out childcare as she just assumed that the family would ralley together to help her. So she goes off to work in a morning and DH's mother goes around the take the kids to school, she also looks after DH's other sisters son who is 8 months old so as she's passing our house in a morning to get to his sisters she drops off the 8 month old here , she has never asked if this is ok, she just walks in at 8am, dumps the pram in the living room and says "I won't be long". This has been going on for a few weeks now and its driving me mad, as if I don't have enough to do in a morning without looking after another baby.

To make matters 100 times worse, the sister works until 6pm so about 2:30pm we occasionally (a few times a week) get a phone call saying that none of them can pick the kids up from school so I "have" to do it!! DH is at work so it's left to me to get my own kids ready, walk to the school, pick the kids up, faff about bringing them back here...they don't behave, they're hyper and have never had any boundries so just run around breaking things and are into everything and I have this until 5pm until DH's mother gets home from her work and comes to pick them up .

They're driving me mad, they don't even ask which is the bit that really winds me up, they just assume I'll do it as they all jump as soon as one of them needs help but I have enough to do with my own kids.

Another thing they've started doing is just bringing the 7 year olds around on a saturday and telling DH that we have to look after them as their mum is still at work and everyone else is busy (as if we never are!) and once one of them brought the kids around, dumped them on the doorstep, rang the bell and then jumped back into their car and drove off so we couldnt protest! it's bloody stupid. Is it me? should I be more willing to help??

[Sprogstersmum]

No, you're not being nasty IMO as I would hit the roof in the same situation, but that said, all families are different and have their own 'rules'. What does your DH think as it's his family really? Could you play them at their own game and get them to do some babysitting for you (if you wanted babysitting, that is!)? No advice really cos my family are different, not local, and wouldn't ever turn up on each others doorsteps without arranging it in advance but just thought I'd reply!

[bluejelly]

It's out of order
You should tell them how you feel

[Bozza]

I think your DH needs to set some boundaries here. What does he have to say about it all?

[compo]

I too would be pretty peed off.
However, if you can bear to look long term it might be excellent to have their help when your 2 are at school/nursery for pickups etc

[Rookiemum]

You know already that they are taking the mickey, don't you ? Rallying around to help is one thing but you haven't even been asked, what does your DH think of this ? Either you or your DH need to have a conversation with both of them and be very firm about what you will and won't do, then stick to it.

Failing that don't be there. I know 8.00am is a rotten time to be out of the house but could you do it for a few mornings until she gets the hint ? You can certainly choose not to answer your phone in the afternoon, be out when you think she is likely to call. As they have never actually asked for your help they can hardly be peeved if you have made alternative plans.

[JodieG1]

I wouldn't answer the door in the morning to mil, I would say I was busy and I would let the phone ring. You have your own young children to look after. I would also tell them exactly how I felt and say I wasn't going to do it anymore. Your sil should arrange proper childcare not just dump her kids on anyone that isn't busy on that particular day.

[Glassofwine]

Could you work out which bits you don't mind. For example looking after the baby in the morning can't really be too awfull can it? Couldn't you say that you're happy to do that, but the after school bit is too much as you are not familiar with older children?

[laneydaye]

I see a lot of this around me!! anyone of my family could drop there kids off at anytime and i would happily look after them and i could do the same to them.

I agree she should ask properley though....

[sunnydelight]

Your DH needs to have it out with his sister. If you try and sort it yourself anything you do/say will make you look like a cow in their eyes. You are the one (mainly) being dumped on, but it's his family. The incident where the kids were dumped on your door step shows that they realise it is totally out of order. Personally I wouldn't even answer the door, but then again I wouldn't care if I never saw any of DH's family again and mine don't live in this country so it's easy to say - you need to decide what level of fall out you can live with.

[joelallie]

Yep...the not asking and just assuming is the problem I think.

[Blu]

Yes, but Laneyday, she doesn't do the same to them, and doesn't need childcare - but it is taken for granted that she will provide efficient reliable regular childcare for a working parent. Totally different matter.

Tell your SIL - with your DH's support, that you have been glad to help out, but that now she is established in her job, presumably passed her probationary period and will be permanent, perhaps she should look at getting a childminder.

Invent appointments / outings / activities etc for which you will regularly be out.

They are taking the pi** big time. What you are being expected to do is a JOB that enables someone else to earn money.

[laneydaye]

Like i said its wrong to assume youll have them but what happened to good old fashioned family values where when you can you all muck in?

Thing change and you might need her one day you just dont know..
I dont think i would send my kids to a childminder anyway family's best whenever its possible.