Sorry, I know this is such a silly issue compared to the problems many others post here, but I didn't know where else to post.
DH and I have been together for nearly 20 years, now late 30s and as a result we have long had the same friends. All was fine until we had children. As soon as I got pregnant with my first child it was like I dropped off the planet. DH still got invited out most weekends and continued to go, leaving me alone to raise our child at weekends even though we both work full time. After many long drawn out disagreements he stepped up a few years ago and no longer leaves me every weekend, but I'll admit there is still some residual anger that he behaved so badly in the first place.
Anyway, things with some of "our" friends have deteriorated massively. They continue to invite DH out most weekends, continue to ignore me (to the point I went to something at the weekend without DH, they were there but didn't even say hello and deliberately refused to speak to me). I'm obviously hurt that I've been cut out like this, but to be honest this has been going on so long I'm sort of over it for myself, I wouldn't want friends who are capable of that anyway, but they're the only friends DH has locally. I have some sympathy for this and I in no way wish to dictate who he is friends with, but when opportunities come up for us to go out together he gets pissed off with me not wanting to go out with them and denies that there is a problem. These people are so rude to me but he never addresses it with them.
A couple of years ago I tried to sort things out, but just got a load of vicious emails listing all my wrongs (I spend too much time with other mums - god forbid I have a support network - seemed to be my worst crime). The result of that exchange was that I was told if I had a problem then they could cut my husband out of their lives and he wouldn't thank me for it. Well that put me back in my box to be honest. DH is aware of this exchange. It was incredibly hurtful at the time.
Anyway, my issue now is that I don't want to force DH to choose between us. I'm hurt that he would want to be friendly with these people after how I've been treated and it's hard not to blame him for his part in this. How do I deal with this so it doesn't destroy my marriage?
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Relationships
Long term friendship problem
14 replies
WorzelsCornyBrows · 21/09/2015 08:35
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