Have posted similar threads before so sorry for boring but I'm a bit worried about my delayed reaction to various things which have happened in my life.
Split with H about four months ago at my instigation, shortly after my mum died. Up until about a month ago was doing really well, felt independent, free, happy and like I was coping really well with everything. DD (4) also seemed to be coping pretty well considering and I was patting myself on the back and feeling I was moving on.
In the past few weeks various fairly low-level things have happened which normally I would shake off but which have really upset me and have made me question my mental health.
The most recent thing was a minor spat with a colleague about something incredibly trivial. I have stewed over it for a week, can't get over it and have become paranoid and convinced myself that my colleagues, and this one in particular, are out to knife me in the back and f* me over. I know how paranoid that sounds, I know it's not actually true and that people don't actually think that much about me but in my own mind I believe it is. Its really upsetting me because until recently work was a real haven from my domestic problems and I now don't feel I can trust anyone there. Can't talk to or socialise with people, feel people are laughing at me, talking behind my back etc.
I know I need to snap out of it or they will start to actually dislike me instead of just disliking me in my paranoid fantasies, but I just can't. I can't trust them and I need to feel that I have trust above all else at the moment. Its become a catch 22 where the more I feel like this the more moody and withdrawn I have become and no doubt I'm really irritating them and they think I'm a weak, self-indulgent cow who needs to get over herself. I have actually started to construct fantasy bitchy conversations that they have about me in the pub -- is this normal? surely not....
I feel that above all I can't show people at work any weakness and its driving me to behave in ways which are very weird and ultimately quite weak because I don't have any self control.
I'm having counselling at the moment and up until this point I had felt OK but I'm really shaken at how much I have gone to pieces recently. Just feel exhausted, paranoid and tearful. I have to keep leaving the room all the time and so forth. I know its going to take a while but I just want to be back on an even keel again.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Worried that I am (properly) losing the plot... hand-holding needed
newnamesamegame · 02/09/2015 21:11
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